# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 250
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4981 "2016-03-22T19:10:04Z")
“No, no, sweet Concorde! Stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular…umm…” “Idiom, sir?” “Idiom!” ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4982 "2016-03-22T23:46:56Z")
You’ve injured Mr. Stools!..Speak to me, Howie!!! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4983 "2016-03-23T00:21:29Z")
Congratulations on buying the executive version of this record. You have chosen wisely and we value your discerning taste in deciding to pay the few extra pence for a product of real quality. Everything on this record has been designed to meet the exacting standards which you have naturally come to expect. The record itself is made from the very finest Colombian extruded polyvinyl. The center hole has been created to fit exactly onto your spindle with all the precision of finest Swiss craftsmanship. The audio content has been quality graded to give you the finest in listening pleasure. There is little or no offending material apart from four “cunts,” one “clitoris,” and a “foreskin.” And as they only occur in this opening introduction, you’re past them now. You can relax and enjoy this quality product, secure in the knowledge that it has been specially created for the lover of fine things and man of good taste. **::fart::** Oh! Sorry! You can edit that out, can’t you? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4984 "2016-03-23T01:44:16Z")
I will not buy this record, it is scratched! ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4985 "2016-03-23T02:38:50Z")
I will not buy this tobacconist, it is scratched! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4986 "2016-03-23T04:23:31Z")
What’s all this, then? ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4987 "2016-03-23T05:22:16Z")
No dear, this is the dream - you’re still in the cell. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4988 "2016-03-23T13:29:15Z")
No, _Brian_. :: smack :: ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2016, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4989 "2016-03-23T14:29:15Z")
Well, things turned out all right in the end, but you musn’t ask how, 'cause it’s naughty. They’re all married and living quite well in a council estate near Dulwich. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4990 "2016-03-24T13:49:11Z")
Well I don’t care, I want to know what’s going on! I think you’re deliberately trying to humiliate people, and I’m going straight out of here and I’m going to tell the police exactly what you do to people and I’m going to make bloody sure that you never do it again. There, what do you think of that? What do you think of that? ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4991 "2016-03-24T14:38:37Z")
My hovercraft is full of eels. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4992 "2016-03-24T15:21:28Z")
Don’t mind me, Spadge. Toffs is all the same. One minute it’s all “please” and “thank you,” and the next, they’ll kick you in the teeth! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4993 "2016-03-24T15:53:42Z")
What’s twenty quid to the bloody Midland Bank? ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4994 "2016-03-24T21:32:33Z")
Look, tell you what, we’ll eat her, if you feel a bit guilty about it afterwards, we can dig a grave and you can throw up in it. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2016, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4995 "2016-03-24T23:34:08Z")
Oh yes, the, the Norwegian Blue. What’s wrong with it? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4996 "2016-03-25T06:07:17Z")
Oh, you dumb cluck! We spent weeks organizing this job. Reg rented a room across the road and filmed the people going in and out every day. Vic spent three weeks looking at watch catalogues…until he knew the price of each one backwards, and now I’m not going to risk the whole raid just for the sake of breaking the law. ---
**Author:** ![Medici](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Medici](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medici)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4997 "2016-03-25T07:09:39Z")
A senile old roue from Ghent … ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4998 "2016-03-25T10:24:26Z")
Well last week on Fish Club we learnt how to sex a pike … and this week we’re going to learn how to feed a goldfish. Now contrary to what most people think the goldfish has a ravenous appetite. If it doesn’t get enough protein it gets very thin and its bones begin to stick out and its fins start to fall off. So once a week give your goldfish a really good meal. Here’s one specially recommended by the board of Irresponsible People. First, some cold consommé or a gazpacho (pours it in), then some sausages with spring greens, sautéed potatoes, and bread and gravy. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/4999 "2016-03-25T17:59:12Z")
Dear Sir, When I was at school, I was beaten regularly every thirty minutes, and it never did me any harm, except for psychological maladjustment and blurred vision. Yours truly, Flight Lieutenant Ken Frankenstein (Mrs). ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5000 "2016-03-25T22:22:31Z")
Well, first of all become a doctor and discover a marvelous cure for something, and then, when the medical world really starts to take notice of you, you can jolly well tell them what to do and make sure they get everything right so there’ll never be diseases any more. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=249) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=251)