# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 268
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5341 "2016-06-24T13:35:27Z")
…spammity spam… ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5342 "2016-06-24T20:37:54Z")
I’ll have a slice without so much rat in it. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5343 "2016-06-25T01:03:43Z")
Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of Blood, Devastation, Death War and Horror, and later on we’ll be meeting a man who does gardening. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2016, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5344 "2016-06-26T02:03:08Z")
…was _WEAR_-ing… ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2016, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5345 "2016-06-26T05:19:08Z")
Shut your festering gob, you tit! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2016, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5346 "2016-06-26T11:37:49Z")
…spam spam spam spam spam spam… ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2016, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5347 "2016-06-26T14:38:55Z")
The cat’s eaten it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Ace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@Johnny\_Ace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Ace)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2016, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5348 "2016-06-26T18:06:06Z")
Five shillings a dozen? That’s ordinary cabbages, is it? And what about the bombs? Good lord, they are expensive. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2016, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5349 "2016-06-27T01:41:16Z")
…Spam! ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2016, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5350 "2016-06-27T02:09:24Z")
Bingo! Bingo! Bingo! Housy! Housey! Bingo! Bingo! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5351 "2016-07-01T15:01:47Z")
Yes, well, he’s put me onto wattles. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5352 "2016-07-01T21:18:28Z")
How do you know she is a witch? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5353 "2016-07-01T21:38:10Z")
All right … I confess I haven’t cut your hair … I hate cutting hair. I have this terrible un-un-uncontrollable fear whenever I see hair. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of hair being cut. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become a barber. So I spent five ghastly years at the Hairdressers’ Training Centre at Totnes. Can you imagine what it’s like cutting the same head for five years? I didn’t want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . . (he is gradually straightening up with a visionary gleam in his eyes) The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty scots pine. (he tears off his barber’s jacket, to reveal tartan shirt and lumberjack trousers underneath; as he speaks the lights dim behind him and a choir of Mounties is heard, faintly in the distance) The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! (moves to stand infront of back-drop of Canadian mountains and forests) With my best girlie by my side … (a frail adoring blonde, the heroine of many a mountains film, or perhaps the rebel maid, rushes to his side and looks adoringly into his eyes) We’d sing … sing … sing. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Ace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@Johnny\_Ace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Ace)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2016, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5354 "2016-07-02T02:17:10Z")
Stop that, stop that! You’re not going to do a song while I’m 'ere. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2016, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5355 "2016-07-02T03:28:24Z")
I want her to now consider me her father, in a very real and legally-binding sense. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5356 "2016-07-03T02:34:01Z")
Here, let me try, dear. You go and play the cello. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5357 "2016-07-03T03:26:02Z")
That’s just what Jesus said. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5358 "2016-07-03T06:05:19Z")
But it’s my only line! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5359 "2016-07-03T11:45:49Z")
Hello. Hello people, and welcome to ‘It’s a Tree’. We have some really exciting guests for you this evening. A fabulous spruce, back from a tour of Holland, three gum trees making their first appearance in this country, scots pine and the conifers, and Elm Tree Bole - there you go, can’t be bad - an exciting new American plank, a rainforest and a bucket of sawdust giving their views on teenage violence, and an unusual guest for this programme, a piece of laminated plastic. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5360 "2016-07-04T04:26:19Z")
Shut up, please. Shut up. Would you PLEASE just shut up! SHUT UP! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=267) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=269)