# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 279
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5561 "2016-09-15T12:34:05Z")
King: No, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who. We are here to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death. But I don’t want to think I’ve lost a son, so much as gained a daughter! For, since the tragic death of her father– Wedding guest #2: [Shout from back of hall] He’s not quite dead! King: Since the near-fatal wounding of her father– Wedding guest #2: [Shout from back] He’s getting better! King: [Discreet nod to soldier] For, since her own father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy black hand of death upon him. [Scuffle at the back] Wedding guest #2: [Shout from back] Oh, he’s died! King: I want his only daughter to look upon me as her own dad, in a very real, and legally binding sense. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5562 "2016-09-15T14:07:56Z")
- Why, he’s mending it with his own hands! - See how he uses a spanner to tighten that nut! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5563 "2016-09-15T14:36:00Z")
Oh, I’m terribly sorry, my suit seems to keep catching fire. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2016, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5564 "2016-09-15T15:53:54Z")
But despite the attempts of Protestants to promote the idea of sex for pleasure, children continued to multiply everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5565 "2016-09-16T01:13:23Z")
Oh well, you’ll want the A39 then…no, no, you’ve got the wrong map there, this is Stalingrad, you want the Ilfracombe and Barnstaple section. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5566 "2016-09-16T02:11:17Z")
My theory by A. Elk, brackets, Miss, brackets. This theory goes as follows and begins now. All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle, and the thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and it belongs to me, and I own it, and what it is, too. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5567 "2016-09-16T04:14:49Z")
Come on, Parky. Jump, Parky. Jump. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5568 "2016-09-16T10:44:18Z")
It’s the end of the film. Incidentally, this record’s available in the foyer. Some of us have got to live as well, you know. Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? They’ll never make their money back, you know. I told him. I said to him, “Bernie”, I said, “They’ll never make their money back.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5569 "2016-09-16T12:52:11Z")
Well, let me tell you something, my lad! When you’re walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after _you_ with a bunch of loganberries, don’t come cryin’ to me! ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5570 "2016-09-16T15:13:06Z")
Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery!? ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5571 "2016-09-16T17:47:41Z")
Oh, what sad times are there when passing ruffians can say “Ni!” at will to old ladies! There is a pestilence in this land! Nothing is sacred! Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2016, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5572 "2016-09-16T18:33:07Z")
Pardon me while I play the grahnd piahno! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2016, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5573 "2016-09-17T00:50:47Z")
No fear! Today saw the appointment of a new head of Allied Bomber Command - Air Chief Marshal Sir Vincent ‘Kill the Japs’ Forster. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2016, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5574 "2016-09-17T03:16:12Z")
Mount Everest: forbidding, aloof, terrifying. The mountain with the biggest tits in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2016, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5575 "2016-09-17T04:38:43Z")
Fine. I’m the head waiter. This is a vegetarian restaurant only, we serve no animal flesh of any kind. We’re not only proud of that, we’re smug about it. So if you were to come in here asking me to rip open a small defenseless chicken, so you could chew its skin and eat its intestines, then I’m afraid I’d have to ask you to leave. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2016, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5576 "2016-09-17T09:31:30Z")
Now I’m going to ask you the same question again, and if you say “No”, I’m going to shot you in the head. Do you have any cheese? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5577 "2016-09-18T02:29:34Z")
I think it’s runnier than you like it, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5578 "2016-09-18T06:50:03Z")
You’re always on about it: morning, noon, and night. ‘Will the girls like this?’ ‘Will the girls like that?’ ‘Is it too big?’ ‘Is it too small?’ ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5579 "2016-09-18T06:50:57Z")
What’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2016, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5580 "2016-09-18T16:50:17Z")
Oh come on, I’ve got your knickers off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=278) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=280)