# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 286
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5701 "2016-10-27T01:14:34Z")
Don’t worry, sir, you’re among friends now, sir…Mr Bradford, Mr Crawley… These are our fitters, sir…We’ve had a lot of experience in this field and we do pride ourselves, we offer the best and most discreet service available. I don’t know whether you’ll believe this sir, but one of us is actually wearing a toupee at this moment… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5702 "2016-10-27T02:01:21Z")
Through that door, turn left, one cross each. ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5703 "2016-10-27T02:31:06Z")
We can bury her or burn her? Well they’re both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she’s not quite dead. But quick. And then we give you a handful of the ashes, which you can pretend were hers. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5704 "2016-10-27T08:29:28Z")
Or, if we bury her she gets eaten up lots of weevils and nasty maggots, which as I said before is a bit of a shock if she’s not quite dead. ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5705 "2016-10-27T09:01:00Z")
Well, she’s definitely dead. Mmm…she looks quite young. Fred? I think we got an eater. Right, I’ll put the oven on. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5706 "2016-10-27T13:04:07Z")
There’s sure to be a lot of car door-slamming in Kensington tonight! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5707 "2016-10-27T13:04:08Z")
Look. I’d had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, “That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah!” ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5708 "2016-10-27T14:18:43Z")
I don’t know … I don’t know … all I know is that these people are streaming north of the border at the rate of thousands every hour. If we don’t act fast, Scotland will be choked with Scotsmen… ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2016, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5709 "2016-10-27T18:29:23Z")
They mean to win Wimbledon! Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5710 "2016-10-28T18:56:58Z")
We would like to apologize for the way in which politicians are represented in this programme. It was never our intention to imply that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are more concerned with their personal vendettas and private power struggles than the problems of government. Nor to suggest at any point that they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before the well-being of the people they supposedly represent. Nor to imply at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce of concern for the vital social problems of today. Nor indeed do we intend that viewers should consider them as crabby, ulcerous, little self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might find offensive. We are sorry if this impression has come across. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2016, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5711 "2016-10-28T23:25:02Z")
Oh see my brother’s clumsy Colonel, and when he gets unhappy he breaks things. Like say, he don’t feel the army’s playing fair by him, he may start breaking things, Colonel. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2016, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5712 "2016-10-29T16:41:34Z")
In Reykjavik it is dark for eight months of the year, and it’s cold enough to freeze your wrists off and there’s only golly fish to eat. Administrative errors are bound to occur in enormous quantities. Look at this — it’s all a mistake. It’s a real pain in the sphincter! Icelandic Honey Week? My life! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2016, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5713 "2016-10-30T03:43:26Z")
Who, a year ago, had heard of Mr and Mrs Brian Norris of 37, Gledhill Gardens, Parsons Green? And yet their epic journey in EBW 343 has set them alongside Thor Heyerdahl and Sir Edmund Hillary. Starting only with a theory, Mr Norris set out to prove that the inhabitants of Hounslow could have been descendants of the people of Surbiton who had made the great trek north. No newcomer to this field, Mr Norris’s ‘A Short History of Motor Traffic Between Purley and Esher’ had become a best-selling minor classic in the car-swapping belt. But why would the people of Surbiton go to Hounslow? Mr Norris had noticed three things - Firstly, the similarity of the houses. Secondly, the similarity of the costume between Hounslow and Surbiton, and thirdly, the similarity of speech. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2016, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5714 "2016-10-30T08:27:41Z")
Mrs. Nigger-Baiter’s exploded! ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2016, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5715 "2016-10-30T15:55:29Z")
I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I have a pet halibut? I’ve heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabardo has a pet prawn called Simon and you wouldn’t call him a looney; furthermore, Dawn Pailthorpe, the lady show-jumper, had a clam, called Stafford, after the late Chancellor, Allan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an haddock! So, if you’re calling the author of ‘A la recherche du temps perdu’ a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5716 "2016-10-30T16:13:40Z")
**Mr Neutron:** I want you to be my helpmate. As Tarzan had his Jane, as Napoleon had his Josephine, as Frankie Laine had whoever he had. I want you to help me in my plan to dominate the world! **Mrs Scum:** Oh, Mr. N! That I should be so lucky! **Mr Neutron:** You’re not Jewish, are you? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5717 "2016-10-31T00:11:11Z")
Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish. ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5718 "2016-10-31T03:19:02Z")
And this is the quiet one, Mr Bimmler - Heimlich Bimmler. How do you do there squire, also I am not Minehead lad but I in Peterborough, Lincolnshire was given birth to, but stay in Peterborough Lincolnshire house all during war, owing to nasty running sores, and was unable to go in the streets play football or go to Nürnberg. I am retired vindow cleaner and pacifist, without doing war crimes (hurriedly corrects himself) tch tch tch, and am glad England win World Cup - Bobby Charlton, Martin Peters - and eating lots of chips and fish and hole in the toads, and Dundee cakes on Piccadilly line. Don’t you know old chap I was head of Gestapo for ten years. Five years! No, no, nein, I was not head of Gestapo at all…I make joke… ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2016, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5719 "2016-10-31T10:57:38Z")
Nowadays the really blithering idiot can make anything up to 10,000 pounds a year if he’s the head of some big industrial combine. But of course the more old fashion idiot still refuses to take money. He takes bits of string, wood, dead budgerigars, sparrows, anything. But it does make the cashier’s job very difficult. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2016, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5720 "2016-11-01T15:37:17Z")
Shut up. Now then, this sort of extra-curricular capitalist expansion has got to stop. I made it quite clear when Potter tried to go public last term, that these massive stock exchange deals must not happen in Big School. Is that clear, Balderston? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=285) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=287)