# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 290
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2016, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5781 "2016-11-22T02:50:48Z")
(non-verbal one-off here) ::_Enter secretary with tray with two cups on it. She has a particularly jerky silly walk which means that by the time she reaches the minister there is no coffee left in the cups. The minister has a quick look in the cups, and smiles understandingly, as she exits, still carrying the tray and cups_:: ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2016, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5782 "2016-11-22T16:08:57Z")
I’m not a Roman, Mum - I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose. I’m kosher, Mum! I’m a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2016, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5783 "2016-11-22T21:24:59Z")
I’ve asked along a simply gorgeous little man I picked up outside the Odeon. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2016, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5784 "2016-11-23T04:43:04Z")
Joke, sir? Guaranteed amusing. As used by the crowned heads of Europe. Has brought tears to the eyes of Royalty. ‘Denmark has never laughed so much’ - ‘The Stage’. Nice little novelty number - ‘a naughty Humphrey’ - breaks the ice at parties. Put it on the table. Press the button. It vomits. Absolutely guaranteed. With refills. ‘Black soap’ - leave it in the bathroom, they wash their hands, real fungus grows on the fingers. Can’t get it off for hours. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Frighten the elderly - real snakes. Comedy hernia kit. Plastic flesh wounds - just keep your friends in stitches. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Hours of fun with ‘honeymoon delight’ - empty it into their beds - real skunk juice. They won’t forget their wedding night. Sticks to the skin, absolutely waterproof, guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Amuse your friends - CS gas canisters - smells, tastes and acts just like the real thing - can blind, maim or kill. Or for drinks, why not buy a ‘wicked willy’ with a life-size winkle - serves warm beer. Makes real cocktails. Hours of amusement. Or get the new Pooh-Pooh machine. Embarrass your guests - completely authentic sound. Or why not try a new ‘naughty nightie’ - put it on and it melts - just watch their faces. Guaranteed to break the ice at naughty parties. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2016, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5785 "2016-11-23T09:10:24Z")
Well now, the result of last week’s competition when we asked you to find a derogatory term for the Belgians. Well, the response was enormous and we took quite a long time sorting out the winners. There were some very clever entries. Mrs Hatred of Leicester said ‘let’s not call them anything, let’s just ignore them’. And a Mr St John of Huntingdon said he couldn’t think of anything more derogatory than ‘Belgians’. But in the end we settled on three choices: number three… ‘The Sprouts’, sent in by Mrs Vicious of Hastings… very nice; number two… ‘The Phlegms’, from Mrs Childmolester of Worthing; but the winner was undoubtedly from Mrs No-Supper-For-You from Norwood in Lancashire… ‘Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards’! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2016, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5786 "2016-11-23T16:22:38Z")
You must be out of your tiny mind. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2016, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5787 "2016-11-23T17:21:33Z")
Well, he did say “Jehovah.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2016, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5788 "2016-11-23T19:33:09Z")
Ooooo, and black as the ace of spades! ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2016, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5789 "2016-11-24T00:39:41Z")
Not gill… cup? Not gillcup! You have been found not gillcup of the charges brought against you and may leave this court a free man. Right. My turn… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2016, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5790 "2016-11-24T04:58:09Z")
Doug [Piranha] was born in February 1929 and Dinsdale two weeks later; and again a week after that. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2016, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5791 "2016-11-24T06:51:13Z")
Dear Sir, I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the song which had just broadcast about the lumberjack who wears women’s clothes. Many of my best friends are lumberjacks and only a few of them are transvestites. Yours faithfully, Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Ms.). P.S. I have never kissed the editor of the Radio Times. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5792 "2016-11-25T04:29:18Z")
I’m working on a new disease now and hope to make it into a musical. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5793 "2016-11-25T06:06:57Z")
Well, I’ve been in the city for 30 years and I’ve never once regretted being a nasty, greedy, cold-hearted, avaricious money-grubber… er, Conservative! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5794 "2016-11-25T17:01:12Z")
No. 1. The Larch. The… Larch. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5795 "2016-11-25T17:29:53Z")
What Jesus blatantly fails to appreciate is that it’s the meek who are the problem. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5796 "2016-11-25T18:20:18Z")
Now, the reason we do this, ladies and Bruces, is frankly, over here we find your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe - it’s fucking close to water! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5797 "2016-11-25T20:42:25Z")
So from now on we’re going to do things my way. For a start, David Hockney is going to design the bombs. And I’ve seen the plans! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5798 "2016-11-25T22:39:04Z")
Do you think you can recognize a larch from far, far away? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5799 "2016-11-25T23:04:21Z")
If you wanna get anything done in this country you gotta complain 'till you’re blue in the mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2016, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/5800 "2016-11-25T23:29:03Z")
Mrs Ratbag, if you don’t mind me saying so, you are badly in need of an expensive course of psychiatric treatment. Now I’m not going to say a trip to our dairy will cure you, but it will give hundreds of lower-paid workers a good laugh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=289) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=291)