# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 314
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6261 "2017-03-14T09:27:36Z")
Yes, mothers, new improved Whizzo butter containing 10% more or less is absolutely indistinguishable from a dead crab. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6262 "2017-03-15T01:49:13Z")
Hello. The Show So Far. Well it all started with the organist losing his clothes as he sat down at the organ, and after this had happened and we had seen the titles of the show we saw Biggles dictating a letter to his secretary who thought he was Spanish and who he referred to as a ‘harlot’ and a ‘woman of the night’ although she preferred to be called a ‘courtesan’. Then we saw some people trying to climb a road in Uxbridge and then there were some cartoons and then some lifeboat men came into a woman’s sitting room and after a bit the woman went out to buy some cakes on a lifeboat and then a naval officer jumped into the sea. Then we saw a man telling us about storage jars from Bolivia and then there were some more cartoons and then a man told us about what had happened on the show so far and a great hammer came and hit him on the head. _(confused)_ I don’t remember that! _(a great hammer comes and hits him on the head)_ ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6263 "2017-03-15T03:40:26Z")
And on my right - putting the case against the Government - is a small patch of brown liquid… \*(cut to patch of liquid on seat of chair) \*which could be creosote or some extract used in industrial varnishing. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6264 "2017-03-15T10:08:17Z")
He had to slim-down to one and a half pounds to get into that costume. Eighteen inches off each arm, and over three feet off each leg. The most brilliant surgeon in Europe stuck that tail on. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6265 "2017-03-15T13:56:37Z")
Well, while the minister is answering this question I’d just like to point out the minister’s dress has been made entirely by hand from over three hundred pieces of Arabian shot silk especially created for the minister by Vargar’s of Paris. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6266 "2017-03-15T17:10:43Z")
Food very greasy but we have managed to find this marvellous little place hidden away in the back streets. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6267 "2017-03-15T17:13:10Z")
The gastropod is a randy little fellow whose tiny brain scarcely strays from the subject of you-know-what. The randiest of the gastropods is the limpet; this hot-blooded little beast, with its tent-like shell, is always on the job. Its extramarital activities are something startling. Frankly, I don’t know how the female limpet finds the time to adhere to the rock face! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2017, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6268 "2017-03-16T14:01:59Z")
It sodding was not! It was Shaw! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6269 "2017-03-16T17:49:37Z")
Get the machine that goes “ping”! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2017, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6270 "2017-03-16T19:55:38Z")
And then… the oral sex! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2017, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6271 "2017-03-16T21:23:54Z")
What’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2017, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6272 "2017-03-16T21:54:51Z")
I think it was “Blessed are the cheesemakers”. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2017, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6273 "2017-03-16T22:44:20Z")
The BBC would like to deny the last apology. It is very happy at home, and BBC2 is bound to go through this phase, so from all of us here, good night, sleep well, and have an absolutely super day tomorrow, kiss kiss. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2017, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6274 "2017-03-17T02:43:33Z")
A duck! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2017, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6275 "2017-03-17T05:37:24Z")
And now on BBC 1, one more minute of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2017, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6276 "2017-03-17T08:31:49Z")
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chunks… ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2017, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6277 "2017-03-17T16:38:47Z")
Good. Now I’m arrestin’ this entire show on three counts: one, acts of self-conscious behaviour contrary to the ‘Not in front of the children’ Act, two, always saying ‘It’s so and so of the Yard’ every time the fuzz arrives and, three, and this is the cruncher, offenses against the ‘Getting out of sketches without using a proper punchline’ Act, four, namely, simply ending every bleedin’ sketch by just having a policeman come in and… wait a minute. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2017, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6278 "2017-03-17T16:45:07Z")
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2017, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6279 "2017-03-17T16:57:55Z")
Attila the Hun, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2017, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/6280 "2017-03-17T17:15:18Z")
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