# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 354
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2017, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7061 "2017-12-12T16:17:29Z")
Shut up. It’s about your advertising campaign for Conquistador Coffee. Now, I’ve had the managing director of Conquistador to see me this morning and he’s very unhappy with your campaign. Very unhappy. In fact, he’s shot himself. Well, before he went he left a note with the company secretary, the effect of which was how disappointed he was with your work and, in particular, why you had changed the name from Conquistador Instant Coffee to Conquistador Instant Leprosy. Why, Frog? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2017, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7062 "2017-12-13T16:04:34Z")
No, no, don’t be silly. How can you find someone “Not Esther Williams”? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2017, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7063 "2017-12-14T16:58:40Z")
Good evening. I’d like to talk to you tonight about the place of the nude in my bed … um … in the history of my bed … of art, of art, I’m sorry. The place of the nude in the history of tart… call-girl… I’m sorry. I’ll start again… Bum … oh what a giveaway. The place of the nude in art. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2017, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7064 "2017-12-14T17:32:17Z")
M’lud, and my other lud, the prosecution will endeavour to show m’lud, that m’lud - ah, not you m’lud, that m’lud, m’lud, while passing sentence at the Central Criminal Court blotted his copy book. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7065 "2017-12-17T17:08:56Z")
I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so anyway, I said to her, I said, they can’t afford that on what he earns, I mean for a start the feathers get up your nose, I ask you, four and six a pound, and him with a wooden leg, I don’t know how she puts up with it after all the trouble she’s had with her you-know-what, anyway it was a white wedding much to everyone’s surprise, of course they bought everything on the hire purchase, I think they ought to send them back where they came from, I mean you’ve got to be cruel to be kind so Mrs Harris said, so she said, she said, she said, the dead crab she said, she said. Well, her sister’s gone to Rhodesia what with her womb and all, and her youngest, her youngest as thin as a filing cabinet, and the goldfish, the goldfish they’ve got whooping cough they keep spitting water all over their Bratbys, well, they do don’t they, I mean you can’t, can you, I mean they’re not even married or anything, they’re not even divorced, and he’s in the KGB if you ask me, he says he’s a tree surgeon but I don’t like the sound of his liver, all that squeaking and banging every night till the small hours, his mother’s been much better since she had her head off, yes she has, I said, don’t you talk to me about bladders, ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7066 "2017-12-18T04:12:08Z")
We were wondering if we could possibly borrow your head for a piece of animation. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2017, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7067 "2017-12-23T20:04:09Z")
I have not been washing very thoroughly for many years now. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2017, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7068 "2017-12-30T01:25:23Z")
Good evening. We’ve got an action-packed evening for you tonight on Thames, but right now here’s a rotten old BBC program. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7069 "2018-01-02T06:20:35Z")
Well, strangling animals, golf and masturbating. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7070 "2018-01-02T15:41:57Z")
Ooo, I like it runny! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7071 "2018-01-02T15:57:51Z")
Monty Python’s Flying Circus tonight comes to you live from the Grillomat Snack Bar, Paignton. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7072 "2018-01-02T16:39:18Z")
He was a gentleman, Dinsdale, and what’s more he knew how to treat a female impersonator. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7073 "2018-01-03T15:07:09Z")
Listen, mate! Don’t come that Philip Sidney bit with me. I’m not a bloody Tudor at all. I’m Gaskell of the Vice Squad and this is Sergeant Maddox. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2018, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7074 "2018-01-03T15:57:13Z")
Interviewer: I’ve been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor. Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me. Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor. Stig: (pause) Oh, yeah, he did that. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7075 "2018-01-05T16:18:16Z")
Oh, it was extremely interesting, very, very - quite… it was dull; dull, dull, dull, oh God it was dull. Sitting in the Waterloo waiting room. Course once you’ve seen one Yeti you’ve seen them all. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7076 "2018-01-05T20:47:24Z")
That I can burrow through an elephant. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7077 "2018-01-05T21:38:21Z")
Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down here! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2018, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7078 "2018-01-07T22:50:46Z")
And now I must come to the jury. What can I say. I’ve dragged you in here, day after day, keeping you away from your homes, your jobs, your loved ones, just to hear the private details of my petty atrocities. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2018, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7079 "2018-01-08T05:12:25Z")
About one; call it none. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2018, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7080 "2018-01-09T15:43:20Z")
You can keep your Marxist ways For it’s only just a phase. For its money, money, money, Makes the world go round. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=353) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=355)