# Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [April 24, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218 "2010-04-24T16:36:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 379
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7561 "2019-04-08T12:32:58Z")
father: One day, lad, all this will be yours. son: What, the curtains? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7562 "2019-04-08T13:23:50Z")
We’ll have none of your imperialist tidbits. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7563 "2019-04-08T15:44:57Z")
A fair question and one that in recent weeks has been much on my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7564 "2019-04-08T17:20:25Z")
Next week we’ll be showing you how to pick up an architect, how to pull a Prime Minister, and how to have fun with a wholesale poulterer. But now the men of the Derbyshire Light Infantry entertain us with a precision display of bad temper. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2019, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7565 "2019-04-09T03:50:21Z")
Oh, a gahp. A gahp in one’s hhhhhoop. Pardon me, but I’m off to play the grand piano. Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2019, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7566 "2019-04-09T04:41:05Z")
Ring the police. Yes, that’s a good idea. Get them over here fast… no, on second thought, get them over here slowly, so they don’t drop anything. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2019, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7567 "2019-04-09T09:12:00Z")
DON’T CALL ME SEÑOR! I’m not a Spanish person. You must call me Mr. Biggles, or Group Captain Biggles or Mary Biggles if I’m dressed as my wife, but NEVER SEÑOR! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2019, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7568 "2019-04-09T13:46:20Z")
Bonsoir - ici nous avons les diagrammes modernes d’un mouton anglo-français … maintenant … baa-aa, baa-aa… nous avons, dans la tête, le cabinc. Ici, on se trouve le petit capitaine Anglais, Monsieur Trubshawe. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2019, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7569 "2019-04-09T14:14:30Z")
And the crowd are rising to him there, and there I can see, who is that there, yes that’s Nigel, Nigel has woken the neighbour - my God, this is exciting! Nigel’s got very excited and he’s going through and here comes Gervaise. Gervaise, oh no, this is, er, out in the front there is Simon who is supposed to insult the waiter and he’s forgotten. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7570 "2019-04-16T19:41:28Z")
Guaranteed amusing. As used by the crowned heads of Europe. Has brought tears to the eyes of Royalty. ‘Denmark has never laughed so much’ - ‘The Stage’. Nice little novelty number - ‘a naughty Humphrey’ - breaks the ice at parties. Put it on the table. Press the button. It vomits. Absolutely guaranteed. With refills. ‘Black soap’ - leave it in the bathroom, they wash their hands, real fungus grows on the fingers. Can’t get it off for hours. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Frighten the elderly - real snakes. Comedy hernia kit. Plastic flesh wounds - just keep your friends in stitches. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Hours of fun with ‘honeymoon delight’ - empty it into their beds - real skunk juice. They won’t forget their wedding night. Sticks to the skin, absolutely waterproof, guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Amuse your friends - CS gas canisters - smells, tastes and acts just like the real thing - can blind, maim or kill. Or for drinks, why not buy a ‘wicked willy’ with a life-size winkle - serves warm beer. Makes real cocktails. Hours of amusement. Or get the new Pooh-Pooh machine. Embarrass your guests - completely authentic sound. Or why not try a new ‘naughty nightie’ - put it on and it melts - just watch their faces. Guaranteed to break the ice at naughty parties. Go on, go on. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7571 "2019-04-16T20:35:56Z")
Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Hegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheep dip. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7572 "2019-04-17T12:37:25Z")
‘To Ma Own beloved Lassie. A poem on her 17th Birthday. Lend us a couple of bob till Thursday. I’m absolutely skint. But I’m expecting a postal order and I can pay you back as soon as it comes. Love Ewan.’ ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7573 "2019-04-17T13:17:51Z")
He’s off, Gervaise is there and Oliver’s still at the back having trouble with the matchboxes. (The twits approach a table with two attractive girls and a photographer) Now here’s the Hunt Ball Photograph and the first here’s Simon, he’s going to enjoy a joke with Lady Arabella Plunkett. She hopes to go into films, and Vivian’s through there and, er, Nigel’s there enjoying a joke with Lady Sarah Pencil Farthing Vivian Streamroller Adams Pie Biscuit Aftershave Gore Stringbottom Smith. (Shot of twit in a sports car reversing into cut-out of old woman) And there’s, there’s Simon now in the sports car, he’s reversed into the old woman, he’s caught her absolutely beautifully. Now he’s going to accelerate forward there to wake up the neighbour. There’s Vivian I think, no, Vivian’s lost his keys, no, there’s Vivian, he’s got the old woman, slowly but surely right in the midriff, and here he is. Here he is to wake up the neighbour now. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2019, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7574 "2019-04-21T05:31:36Z")
We are here today to wimess the opening of a new _Box_ to replace the _Box_ which used to stand at the corner of Ulverston Road and Sandwood Crescent. Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2019, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7575 "2019-05-06T16:30:58Z")
You see! There ought to be a safety catch on it, I mean … ohhhh! I mean, what if this fell into the wrong hands? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2019, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7576 "2019-05-06T21:06:18Z")
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise… our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency… Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope… Our four…no… amongst our weapons… amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise… I’ll come in again. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7577 "2019-05-07T16:51:06Z")
And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7578 "2019-05-08T17:25:33Z")
So Miss Johnson returned to her typing and dreamed her little dreamy dreams, unaware as she was of the cruel trick fate had in store for her. For Miss Johnson was about to fall victim of the dreaded international Chinese Communist Conspiracy. ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2019, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7579 "2019-05-08T18:55:33Z")
Anybody else feel like a little giggle? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218/7580 "2019-05-09T13:05:35Z")
Our sales would plummet! Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=378) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-non-sequitur-thread-part-1/537218.md?page=380)