It was one of Wilde’s.
It’s about your advertising campaign for Conquistador Coffee. Now, I’ve had the managing director of Conquistador to see me this morning and he’s very unhappy with your campaign. Very unhappy. In fact, he’s shot himself.
Very very witty… very very witty.
It’s all gotten rather silly.
There is only one thing worse than playing squash together, and that is playing it by yourself.
Now, old woman! You are accused of heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action. Four counts. Do you confess?
Your Majesty is like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top.
Uh-oh, here comes that wacky queen again!
Well, Your Highness, what I meant was that, like a doughnut, um, your arrival gives us pleasure and your departure only makes us hungry for more.
Read all abaht it! Read all abaht it! Man turns into Scotsman!
A Møøse once bit my sister… No realli!
I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
(Have a look here: John Cleese and a Life of Brian stage show)
You’re fucking nicked, me old beauty!
It’s a fair cop.
Lovely people, the Romans.
Michael, do you think you know what a larch tree looks like?
A path, a path!
No. 3. The Larch.
Mock frog? We use no artificial ingredients of any kind!
|Judge Kilbraken||Blimey! I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.|
|Court reacts expectantly. Cut to suburban house. The three members of the Spanish Inquisition suddenly belt out of the door and down the path. Dick Barton music. Cut to them leaping onto a bus.|
|Ximinez||Two, er, three to the Old Bailey please.|
|Credits start superimposed.|
|Biggles||Look they’ve started the credits.|
|Ximinez||Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.|
|Biggles||Come on hurry. Hurry!|
|We see shots of them coming through London.|
|Ximinez||There’s the lighting credit, only five left. (more shots of the bus going through London; the credits reach the producer) Hell, it’s the producer - quick!|
|They leap off the bus into the Old Bailey. Cut to court room. They burst in.|
|Ximinez||Nobody expects the Spa… (‘The End’ appears) Oh bugger!|