# Monty Python\`s LOTR **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 19, 2002, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039 "2002-03-19T14:04:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/101 "2003-02-01T16:08:09Z")
Dear Sir, I wish to complain on the strongest possible terms about the song you have just posted about the Uruk-hai who wears women’s clothes. Many of my best friends are Uruk-hai and only a few of them are transvestites. Yours faithfully, Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Mrs). ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/102 "2003-02-01T19:23:34Z")
And now… the naughty bits of an orc ---
**Author:** ![suzi\_the\_q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@suzi\_the\_q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suzi_the_q)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/103 "2003-02-04T05:21:07Z")
Someone should do the Cheese Shop sketch. I’m not talented enough. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/104 "2003-02-04T14:36:05Z")
Gondorian beaver cheese? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/105 "2003-02-04T17:15:58Z")
No, no - don’t tell me - I’m keen to guess. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/106 "2003-02-04T18:26:14Z")
Aw, the Gaffer’s eaten it! ---
**Author:** ![adent2003](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df788c/32.png) [@adent2003](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adent2003)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/107 "2003-02-05T22:20:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doctor\_Dung \* > \*\*Voice over: This maiar is Sauron, the Dark Lord of Middle Earth. In a moment he will pour his essence into the One Ring and as a consequence he will die wearing it. > > (Sauron picks the Ring up and runs laughing into battle, Isildur lobs his finger off and Sauron dies. Isildur put on the ring, runs off and is killed by orcs). > > Voice over: It was clear that this Ring was lethal. No one could wear it and live. > > Reporter: We are coming to you live from Moria were tragedy has struck the Fellowship. Sudden, violent tragedy. With me is wizard Gandalf the Grey who will be attempting to escape the Balrog. Gandalf? > > Gandalf: I will attempt to guide Frodo, the Ringbearer out of Moria and destroy the ring. I will be assisted in battle by Legolas and Gimli, three other hobbits and the men Aragorn and Boromir. > > (The Fellowships moans laments as Gandalf falls in Moria) > > Reporter: Such an epic display of bravery that will not be easily forgotten. > > Voice over (footage of wraiths riding out of Minas Morgul): It was not long before the disembodied eye of Sauron took interest in retreaving his One ring. Ringwraiths sent out to get it were routed at the Ford outside Rivendell. (footage of wraith’s swept away by the white horses) > > Glorfindel (at the Ford): Fantastic! > > Saruman (walking through the gardens of Isengarde): All through that winter and the next, we had wraiths and orcs working around the clock to try to get the One Ring. At one point we thought we had it, we realised later we didn’t. Finally, by the time the ring had reached the borders of Mordor, we had an army big enough to take on the world of Men. > > Voice over: This army was first tested fully at the seige of Helms Deep. > > (scenes of fighting) > > Voice over: Theoden’s causalties were appaulling. (scenes of badly maimed men of Rohan). But the victory was still there’s. Meanwhile. > > Gollum: Where isss the Preciousss? > > Frodo: I’m sorry, all I give you is some elvish rope 'round your neck and some lembas. > > Gollum: We has waysesss, yessss, we doessss precioussss, waysesss to make hobbitssesss give it to ussss. > > Frodo: I’m immune to physical pain. > > Gollum: Aw… _gollum_ _gollum_ mastersss’s no fun! We will have to find other wayses. > > (Shelob appears and bites Frodo. Sam grabs the ring and runs off) > > Gollum: Thatsss not funny, preciousss! > > Voice over: Soon the men of Middle Earth began work on their own army, one that they hoped would rival the hordes of Mordor and Isengarde. > > Aragorn: Next. > > Hopeful: Hello. I’d like to fight for Middle Earth even though I’m dead. I’m not very good with a sword but I’m good as scaring people. > > Aragorn: We’ll let you know. > > Voice over: Finally, by the time of the seige of Minas Tirith, the men had their own army which they hoped would hold back the army of Mordor. > > (scenes of fighting) > > Voice over: Finally, at te end of the 3rd age, peace broke out. Ring making was band at a special council at the house of Elrond and the Ring was laid to rest here, in the fires of Mount Doom, never to be worn again. \*\* Great job! What about the line… Frodo: All right I’ll give it to you but first I must ask "How do you make an an Urk-hai cross? By stepping on his corn. ---
**Author:** ![adent2003](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df788c/32.png) [@adent2003](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adent2003)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/108 "2003-02-05T22:21:16Z")
One Lembas waybread without so much rat in it later… \ ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/109 "2003-02-05T22:52:42Z")
Frodo: Appalling! Sam: Oh, you’re always complaining… ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/110 "2003-02-06T01:25:44Z")
Fortunately for the fellowship, Balrogs do not so much fly as plummet. ---
**Author:** ![adent2003](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df788c/32.png) [@adent2003](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adent2003)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/111 "2003-02-06T13:11:29Z")
Sam: Why are the Balrogs up in the tree? Frodo: They thinks they’re birds? You see Harold? 'e’s the instigator of the group… ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/112 "2003-02-06T21:58:58Z")
And what are the implications of Balrog aviation? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/113 "2003-02-07T22:28:53Z")
- Half time score - Sauron: 2 Fellowship: 0 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/114 "2003-02-07T23:08:26Z")
It’s spelt “Frodo Baggins” but its pronounced “Throat-wobbler Mangrove.” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/115 "2003-02-11T14:30:17Z")
Faramir, apparently your Brother died. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/116 "2003-02-17T15:47:25Z")
How to protect yourself against an orc armed with fresh fruit. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/117 "2003-02-17T15:50:04Z")
What about pointed sticks? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/118 "2003-02-19T22:07:24Z")
where’d everyone go? ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/119 "2003-02-20T01:36:42Z")
Gandalf (to Balrog) : Ok, you attack me. Balrog attacks Gandalf. Gandalf (to fellowship) : Now, I pull this lever…and a 16-ton weight falls on him. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Dung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@Doctor\_Dung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Dung)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039/120 "2003-02-20T01:39:03Z")
Frodo: What if you don’t have a 16-ton weight? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/monty-python-s-lotr/99039.md?page=7)