# moral dilema **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 29, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684 "2011-07-29T00:55:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![poppy\_de\_ville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@poppy\_de\_ville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poppy_de_ville)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/1 "2011-07-29T00:55:23Z")
2 weeks ago, after I had moved quite happily and living cheaply back in with my folks whist I was on the waiting list for a masters course in london, my friend texts saying she has found a wonderful place and would I share with her and 2 other pll. Her let has finished and needs to get out fast. I say ok cause it has an empty shop attached which we might get rent free if the landlord/estate agent is nice and I can use it for hosting art exhibs. the estate agent has made me ill keeps shouting at me and BULLYING ME , I had to put my dad on the phone to him one day and even my dad Mr Casual put the phone down on him, they wnt accept my savings as a self guarantor cause it not been in bank for over 6 months and I have no other guarentor, and it is too late in the day to find one. Every one has to move out by monday. then they, landlord/estate agent said I had to pay the six months rent and deposit and fees…for a place i have not even seen I said I dont wanna do business with the man=estate agent because he had already given the pace to some students went back on his word to give us the place, and harrassed me my best friend cried and begged cried and begged me I said it is really bad idea I deffo dont want to do it but if you feel so strongly about it, i will do it against my better judgement only as a favour for her but I was not happy about it at all,… but you deal with the estate agent she, my best friend said would put half to so I didnt have to go into my house MA money, which I have promised to myself I wont touch she promised the estate agent and landlord to this saying full 6 months will be paid, which I said was no good idea and I would not be comfortable with and now she jut text to say, can you pay the full amount cause i dont wanna use my money and not have the interest amounting on my savings it is making me ill, i really want out it but it will make 3 ppl have no where to live and my besty will prob never talk to me again plus the van she said her dad has wont even fit all of my stuff in to move what would you do ? Help please!!! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/2 "2011-07-29T01:12:18Z")
Tell your best friend that you’re terribly sorry, but this living arrangement doesn’t work for you. You’re not responsible for her or anyone else’s living arrangements - only your own, and you had a good situation set up for yourself without any of the stupid drama that your best friend wants you to get involved in. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/3 "2011-07-29T01:32:15Z")
Moved from ATMB to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/4 "2011-07-29T02:21:45Z")
Slip her the sausage. Will solve EVERYTHING! ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/5 "2011-07-29T02:35:29Z")
She’s not the friend you seem to think she is. She’s promising one thing, then changing the terms. DO NOT get involved in this. If you do, you will end up out your savings and lose a “friend”. If you don’t, you might be out a “friend”. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/6 "2011-07-29T02:37:22Z")
#1 You won’t get into the Master’s program if you don’t know how to write better than this. #2 It’s not clear from your account, but I think you are saying that three people want you to be the fourth in sharing a rental house, but for some strange reason the rental agent is only dealing with you and expecting you to come up with six-month’s rent as a deposit. The friend who asked you to be the fourth doesn’t want to put up any of her own money for the deposit, and neither do the two other friends…you are the only one financing this little cooperative living arrangement, even though you expect to be heading off to school shortly for the Master’s program. This doesn’t sound like a good plan. If they have to move out of their other place in two days, they really need to have some money for somewhere new to live…or are they expecting you to pay their rent each month, also? #3 I think you should not sign any rental agreement, you should keep on living with the parents until you leave for the Master’s program, and find new friends who don’t just want to use you for your money. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/7 "2011-07-29T02:51:51Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > #1 You won’t get into the Master’s program if you don’t know how to write better than this. If it’s in Art and considering how some of my classmates (and not only the Chinese ones) in a Master’s in _Translation_ in Scotland wrote, she might. There’s no moral dilemma. The landlord doesn’t want you, Ms Best Friend(?) and her two pals appear to have decided a doormat will make a perfect fourth and elected you, you were in a fine situation until Ms Best Friend(?) came looking for a fourth leg for her table, sucks so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/8 "2011-07-29T03:01:10Z")
You have a degree? Please tell us from what school, please, please, please, I’m begging you. Let’s see, you know it’s a bad idea, every possible red flag has come up including no one else wanting to put up any money, a friend who keeps changing the plan, and a bully estate agent. What’s hard to understand? (Besides your language skills, or, actually, lack thereof). ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/9 "2011-07-29T03:07:13Z")
Run. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/10 "2011-07-29T03:28:25Z")
Srsly? No is the correct answer. Let her cry all she wants. She sounds like an ass. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/11 "2011-07-29T03:43:50Z")
I can’t entirely tell what’s going on, but it sounds like a really bad idea. Tell her you can’t do it no matter how much she begs and cries. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/12 "2011-07-29T04:15:07Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > What’s hard to understand? (Besides your language skills, or, actually, lack thereof). Wow … rude! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe English isn’t the OP’s first language? > [@poppy de ville](#): > > what would you do ? Help please!!! OP honey - three words: run like hell. DO NOT get sucked into this lease! Why would you want to when you can live cheaply at home?!?!?!? Your “friend” is a user, btw. She’s not your friend. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/13 "2011-07-29T08:30:38Z")
Even people who don’t speak English know what capitalization and punctuation are. **poppy de ville** , I’m gonna go with everyone else’s gut feelings and say run far far away. Don’t ever give any of these people money. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/14 "2011-07-29T08:48:52Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Even people who don’t speak English know what capitalization and punctuation are. Yeah but many people the OP’s age do most of their writing in the form of chats and SMSs and reckon both of those unnecesary. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/15 "2011-07-29T09:32:18Z")
When I was at uni, one of my housemates was understood to be really poor and was always complaining about having no money. So we treated her to dinner, bought her drinks, etc. for months. One day I came home to find her lying on the sofa bawling her eyes out. I asked what the matter was. “I’m overdrawn!” she wailed. I sympathised - “yeah, I went over my overdraft limit a few times last term - it’s scary isn’t it. How much are you over?” “£15,” she replied. “On top of what?” I asked. Turns out that it was on top of nothing: she was merely £15 overdrawn. We were all running massive loans and overdrafts just to get by, and using our debt to treat our ‘poor’ friend - when all the time she was debt-free, partially thanks to our generosity. The friendship didn’t survive. Sounds like your best friend is similarly selfish. I suspect if you moved in together that selfishness would get worse and you’d probably not be friends anymore. Or if you still really want to go for it, insist that she shares the burden of responsibility. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/16 "2011-07-29T10:43:40Z")
Your friend is being selfish and unrealistic, and she’s already backed out of her agreement once. This is not a person you want to enter a financial relationship with, which is what you’d be doing if you move into this place. Let her know you aren’t going to be moving in, and that is final. I’m assuming your parents are happy for you to continue living with them for now? You are probably going to lose your best friend. That is a small price to pay for not getting entangled any further into this arrangement. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/17 "2011-07-29T17:16:50Z")
Actually, losing THAT best friend would be a positive outcome, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2011, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/18 "2011-07-31T14:01:35Z")
Can someone edit the OP’s post to make it readable? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2011, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/19 "2011-07-31T14:09:52Z")
I give everyone in this thread kudos for being able to decipher the OP. I just wish I knew what was going on. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684/20 "2011-07-31T17:07:53Z")
If the OP was flying a plane with all engines on fire, the controls smashed, and the plane was steered towards a mountainside with no way to change speed or direction, I think she’d eject. No matter how much the auto-pilot cried. I am sorry, OP. I know that this hurts (I think you only wrote that way due to emotion & pain). But this situation is beyond your control & unsalvageable. You must bail out. It will hurt you more if you don’t. Really. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilema/590684.md?page=2)