# Moral Dilemma (Loaning money you can afford to loan) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 8, 2015, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528 "2015-05-08T01:52:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/61 "2015-05-09T12:49:44Z")
> [@GreasyJack](#): > > In most states this isn’t true. The minimum liability insurance rules usually require those liability policies to be written in such a way that they cover someone borrowing a car with the owner’s permission BUT the owner of the car isn’t actually liable beyond that, provided the act of lending the car itself wasn’t negligent (for example if you knew the driver was drunk.) So if you lend your car to someone and they smash it into a Ferrari with a trunk full of Monets, your insurance policy will pay out to the limits but the driver will be on the hook for the rest\*. (Most states do have statutes that make the owner responsible in the case of the parents of teenagers and employers.) That’s interesting, I had no idea states had changed those laws. I’m still hesitant to let anyone drive my cars though, it doesn’t seem to stop the lawsuits even if they aren’t successful. I’m also curious about this trouble with the DMV. If there fines for the car not being registered, inspected, insured, etc. it will be the OP responsible for that. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/62 "2015-05-09T13:40:59Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > This is definitely true, but I don’t help people to get their gratitude, I do it because it’s the right thing to do. Your first two sentences are exactly what my logical brain is saying. There are a lot of people who need help, and $1000 if you want to give it away can do a ton right now in Nepal. Or provide supplies to an entire year of kindergarten at your local school. It can put video game systems in the cancer ward of a children’s hospital. It can provide needed budget to a local arts organization. Or whatever charity floats your boat. I think if you want to be generous and do it because its the right thing to do, there are probably thousands of ways this money would be “rightly used” that would outrank “neighbor who is a grown adult who can’t pay her own bills.” ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/63 "2015-05-09T16:38:15Z")
Before you give her money, you should give her a stern talk first. Was she earning income during those five years and did she make an effort to improve her financial situation? Is she being responsible? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/64 "2015-05-09T17:06:29Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Before you give her money, you should give her a stern talk first. > > Was she earning income during those five years and did she make an effort to improve her financial situation? Is she being responsible? It will be someone else’s fault. Or lots of other people’s fault. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/65 "2015-05-11T13:31:56Z")
> [@](#): > > There are a few states that say the owner is in fact liable, but only up to the limits of the state minimum liability requirements. So in other words if you didn’t have the liability insurance you’d have to pay up to those limits out of pocket before the driver had to pay. That is very much a minority rule. The vast majority of states which impose dangerous instrumentality liability do so without limitation. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/66 "2015-05-11T14:11:33Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Before you give her money, you should give her a stern talk first. > > Was she earning income during those five years and did she make an effort to improve her financial situation? Is she being responsible? No, don’t do this, he is not her parent. 🙂 But there is noway, nohow, I would ever “loan” this woman money. Then again, I rarely loan anyone money, more than $20. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/67 "2015-05-11T14:18:41Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I guess the bottom line is, should I help someone I can afford to help if they are less better off than me, regardless of the circumstances? I’ve underlined the magic word in this post that makes it an easy answer for me. “Should” implies (to me) an obligation–moral, ethical, whatever. You have zero obligation to do anything for this woman. It may be nice to do so, but you’re not obligated to do so. That said, if you’re prepared to give $1000 away, your next step is to decide if giving away to her is better/worse than giving that same $1000 to a charity of your choice, or to kid’s college funds, or to something else. If you decide giving her the money (and don’t for a second pretend it’s a loan–all you’ll do is strss yourself out. Give it to her and if you see it again, hey! Great surprise, but when/if you give it to her, kiss it goodbye and assume it’s gone forever.) is the option that will feel best to you, do it. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/68 "2015-05-11T14:35:39Z")
I couldn’t imagine loaning a neighbour money, for any reason. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/69 "2015-05-11T14:55:36Z")
I guess the question is, what will it do for you? Will it make you feel good? Well, that is enough reason (since you can afford it). Me, I have never given anyone money for no reason and not walked away feeling cheated somehow. So I don’t do it, because I know I will feel badly later on. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/70 "2015-05-11T15:18:01Z")
I have never been sorry for helping someone out of a tight spot or through a bad stretch. I have been sorry for helping someone stay in a bad situation or pattern. Only you can know which one this might be. Is $1000 the amount she would have to pay to the DMV? My advice is to loan her whatever that amount is (hopefully less than the cost of another car) and then give her the car. You don’t want it, she needs to be responsible, and nobody winds up on welfare due to lack of transport. And on behalf of all of us, Thank You! for helping her retain what independence she has. Whether for only the last five years, or for whatever you also decide to do in future. You have made a huge difference. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/71 "2015-05-11T16:41:22Z")
Thanks for all the replies everyone, I just made it back to the thread. Nothing has happened so far, but I wanted to respond to some individuals who posted good information and/or ideas, but I can’t do it right now. Will do as soon as I get a chance. (Not causing suspension or anything on purpose) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528/72 "2015-05-11T18:25:15Z")
> [@Alley\_Dweller](#): > > Let me ask you this: How would you feel about giving her a $1000, no-strings-attached gift? > > The thing is you are never going to see that $1000 again. If you make it a loan, there will be hard feelings between you. You will get ticked at her for not making payments, she will avoid you and resent you for “pressuring” her to pay you back even if you are a perfect gentleman about it. (She will feel guilt even if you don’t say anything.) > > She is already in debt. Not just broke, but in debt. That’s negative money. And what about when the car needs an oil change, new tires, new brakes, a new water pump, and so on? Where’s that money going to come from? Yep, when you loan money to a friend, you lose both the money and the friend. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moral-dilemma-loaning-money-you-can-afford-to-loan/719528.md?page=3)