She’s had free use of your car for five or six years but hasn’t been able to save enough to buy her own car, or at least clear her debt to the DMV. How likely is it that she will keep up the payments to you? Not very likely, in my opinion. I’d recommend only loaning the money to her if you’re either willing to write off the loan or repossess the car when she fails to make the payments.
She’s not going to pay you back. She’s had all the time you were away to save up some money and get her own car and she did nothing. You have to get that car back for get a bill of sale from her. If you want to sell it to her for a dollar go ahead, but if you lend her money don’t expect to ever get it back, or any gratitude from her.
Which is good enough reason to do just that.
If you’re feeling charitable, you could give her the proceeds from getting rid of the car, whatever they may be. Heck if she wants the car, give it to her, transfer the title at a $0 sale, but what she does with it after that is on her. But she’s an adult and needs to sort out her own deal with the DMV – if she needs a car, it’s up to her to be responsible enough to have one. You’ve given her a free ride (ha!) for five years. You don’t owe her anything.
(And frankly if she’s not grateful for the help you’ve already given, and feels a need to pressure you into taking on her driving as your responsibility, that tells you something about how that “loan” would go, too.)
Well, that is sort of my point. I can loan her the money, and if she pays back the loan, good. If not, than I’m not too worried about it. I know that if I’m not too worried about it, it’s just a gift, per se.
More background: she uses the car to go to work and church and what not, so without it, she would just be stuck at home. Does that change anyone’s mind?
This is definitely true, but I don’t help people to get their gratitude, I do it because it’s the right thing to do. Your first two sentences are exactly what my logical brain is saying.
What I’m saying is just tell her to keep driving on the expired plates. At least in the states I’m familiar with, a driving with expired registration ticket goes to the driver not the owner of the car.
It’s certainly not an ideal solution but if this whole situation really is such a crisis, driving around on expired tags for a while isn’t the end of the world.
I don’t know where you live, but where I live if you leave a car parked in a public place with an expired tag, you will come back to find a ticket pasted to your window (or one will come in the mail). We even having parking enforcement aides that cruise around on bicycles dressed like homeless people who just love to write those “failure to display” tickets. The police don’t have to catch you driving it.
Damn, that woman has a LOT of chutzpah! :eek:
Well, she hasn’t prioritized doing any of those things; whether she could have is a different story.
The rest of your post seems spot-on.
If she’s a person worth helping, there will be other people that will help her out by registering the car for her on their name. Someone at her church, or a relative, maybe? If she cant find someone to do that for her, ( and she is’nt shy to ask for help, apparently) i would advies you have helped her enough and that you can find someone else to help that will be more pleasant.
Everything here is very sound and astute advice.
Step one, get rid of the car.
Step two, loan her the $1000.
Why? Because it’s clearly what you’d prefer, and you’re the one who gets to decide!
It’s nice that you’ve helped her in this way for all these years. And it’s nice that you’re willing to help her some more by lending her money.
However, I would offer you this caution, if you loan her this money I fear you’re turning your self into an ATM. You’re sending a pretty big signal, that you still feel the need to help out, due to her ‘needing’ the car for church etc. She WILL manifest other ‘needs’ that WILL require your financial assistance, I predict. And you’re obviously a pretty soft touch for her. Proceed with great caution.
If you make this loan/gift consider repeatedly, and emphatically pointing out that in making this loan it is understood this will END, completely and entirely, your financial assistance. That you will refuse to hear any other future requests for funds, no matter the reason, HOWEVER LARGE OR SMALL. Have her repeat it back to you. More than once.
Will it stop her from applying to you for further financial assistance? I think that’s unlikely. Will it keep you from putting more money in her pocket? I doubt that too, but at least you will have your own words ringing in your ears as you reach into your pocket, again. Should you actually give her money a second time you WILL have turned yourself into an ATM, in her eyes, and you’ll have only yourself to blame for that, in my opinion.
If you cannot say no now, do not delude yourself into believing it will somehow be easier after a half dozen “yes’s” ! I repeat, proceed with great caution.
Consider that the right thing to do here might be Tough Love. You’ve been enabling her for years, and giving her this money (it’s not a loan, don’t lie to yourself) is just more enabling. She’ll never deal with her financial issues if you’re around.
Whatever you do, please come back and report on how it all came out.
My take: give her the car and title. Also, “loan” her the $1,000, realizing you will never see it again (and you’re calling it a loan to save face).
Let her parlay the cash and the car into some form of transportation. She can sell the car and combine the proceeds with your money and buy something else. She can use your money to get the car fixed. She can sell the car, combine with your money, and buy a year’s worth of bus passes. You are giving her resources to help her solve the problem. I would suggest you not help her to this extent in the future, should she ask (which she is likely to do). JMHO.
I’ve done stuff like this (given away vehicles), even given people this much money, because when I was young and dead broke, people helped me. I can afford it now (I’m not even remotely close to wealthy, or even well off), but I remember how awful it was to be down to your last $25 in the world.
Aside, she wants you to loan her $1,000 to help her get a new car? Surely she doesn’t mean a brand new car? Where will the balance of the money come from-- even money to make payments?
This lady has been using you for years, and is now trying to scam you out of more.
If she’s driving illegally and without registration, which is sounds like she is, she will get caught, and she will get arrested, and you will get charged a shitload of money.
Also if she has a job, let her fix her problems at the DMV and buy a new car herself.
If she can’t afford the DMV, how will she afford car insurance?
The only legitimate situation, it seems like, is to take the car back and scrap it. She can take public transportation to work and get her friends to drive her to church.
This is NOT your problem.
The expired tags and title are still in the OP’s name. Letting your registration expire doesn’t magically make it not-yours.
Honestly, if she can’t afford to accept a gift of a free car, she can’t afford to drive a car. Seriously, what’s up with that?
If you want to spend $1000 to get the car in shape, and then give it to her, then fine. Loaning her the money is silly, she can’t pay you back that money, if she could she wouldn’t need it.
Seems to me you have three choices here. Offer to give her the car “as is” for $1, and tell her that she can scrape up the cash to get it street legal on her own. Or you spend the money to get the car street legal, pay all the bills and taxes and fees and whatever, and then give it to her. Or sell the car to somebody else for a few hundred bucks, and help her out in some other way.
[QUOTE=jsgoddess]
If she can’t register a car, how will she register a new car?
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Also, if she can’t pay the money she owes to the DMV, how can she pay back a loan?
Therefore, you need to consider this a gift, not a loan. If you give her the grand, she will have to have enough to buy a car and to pay off her debt to the DMV. How much is her debt?
Donate the car to one of those charities that fixes up cars for the poor. Take the tax write-off. If you want to give her $1000 to pay off the DMV and buy another car, be prepared when she says that $1000 wasn’t enough and can she have more, and when she says she spent her whole paycheck on the new car and can she have $100 until payday, and when she says she can’t afford to pay you back on the loan.
Regards,
Shodan
I would say not to lend her money. Unfortunately, you would just be contributing to her problems. She needs to learn how to live within her means and manage her money. By giving her money (and the car), you’re enabling her bad decisions to not have consequences and she won’t make changes.
If this was a one-time situation where she was in a temporary bind, then a loan could really make a difference. But here it’s just her way of life, so you’re not really helping. You’re just allowing her to not deal with her problems. If she’s stuck at home, she’ll figure out a solution.
Give her the money and donate the car to any charity that will take it. Do not be surprised when the relationship changes after you give her the money. Some people do not know how to process the feeling of obligation.