Wait, I’m confused. Why would I want to drag Phelps into my boat after I took all that time to repeatedly hold him under just to the point he blacks out, pull him back up to recover, and shove him back down?
I’d probably pull the boat to just beyond his reach - “are you in yet? Ok, I’ll wait…”<vroooom>“hahahaha!”
“Ok, sorry I was just kidding - go ahead in climb aboa…”<vroooom>“hahahaha!”
I figure this could keep me entertained until we struck land.
On review, I see that I’m in a lifeboat, which wouldn’t have a motor. Oh well, my answer still stands, because it’s fun to think about.
I’d toss a queer overboard then pull Phelps and the gold into the boat.
Just kidding!!!
I think I’d take the gold out of the chest, toss the empty chest (assuming it’s wood and it floats) to Phelps, then tell him, “last one out of the pool is a rotten egg!”
Yeah. “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” ~Matthew 5:44. I’d quote that verse to him, and explain that the only reason he’s alive is because of the moral and religious convictions of a bisexual woman.
Do you have any idea how heavy a chest of gold would be? Even on a saltwater lake on the moon, I wouldn’t be able to lift it. Phelps, on the other hand, is full of shit, which floats . . . that is, unless someone keeps pushing his head back under.
Hey, according to Phelps, God hates me already. So it’s not like I’m going to hell for letting the bastard drown.
I’d save the gold. If I ever felt my conscience pricking at me in the wee small hours, I’d just donate some of it to an orphanage, thereby doing more good than Fred has ever done in his entire miserable life. Fuck him. You get back what you put in.
That’s actually the smartest suggestion all thread
I’d hold up a sign that says “God Hates Drowners” and then beat him over the fucking head with it. Then I’d probably save him. :mad:
I’d have to do the truly moral thing and let Phelps drown, thus keeping his poison from seeping into even more people. I’d then give the gold to an organization for wounded veterans.
ETA: Crown Prince of Irony’s solution wins my vote for Most Appropriate, though.
I picked the gold. Sure, it would be fun to save Fred Phelps, & then try to get in his head, or berate him, but he’s an old man & will die in a few years anyway. The gold might be useful to some jeweler or electronics maker in the future. It won’t corrode much at all, it’s recoverable from the sea bed, but that could be ages. It seemed like it would be more useful than a crank.
Maybe not. Oh well, already picked.
The gold. Phelps’s god can save him.
The gold. Phelps doesn’t deserve my help, and I know that if he knew as much about me as I know about him (not a lot, just what most people know, before you ask!), he’d let me drown. Whatever “good works” he’s allegedly done, I bet I can do better works with a whole chest full of gold.
Life trumps gold, for me. Don’t even have to think about it. Am not especially happy about it, but there it is.
Phelps, if nothing else only to prove atheists can value human life just as much as a Christians who sees everyone as “God’s children”.
I sure do love some gold though.
Well, I don’t believe he is one of god’s children (as I believe in no god). I don’t think a human life has any inherent external value.
But I’d save him over the gold for selfish reasons. If the situation were reversed, as evil as he likely would consider me I’d want him to pick me anyway, so I’ll do my best to contribute to a social contract where that would be the more common choice.
Plus, since I live in a sitcom, since I saved his life it would essentially make him my servant through the well established rule of life-debts and I could use that for good.
As I read through the thread, I get a feeling that the error rate on this hypothetical is probably very high. I’d bet a lot of people on either side of it really have no idea how they’d react when actually confronted with the choice in the real-world.
Phelps but I’d record a video on my phone of him swearing to god on pain of damnation he’ll watch gay porn everyday, before I’d let him in the boat.
I’ll rescue Phelps, and then milk the resulting publicity for all its worth, may be I’ll even get more money that way, anyway I woldnt rescue him to help him, I would rescue him because if I didnt I would feel guilty.
Is one of the others on the lifeboat gay? Maybe I’d let him rescue Phelps; the irony would be so much more satisfying.
Where is the option to use the gold to weigh Phelps down?