# Morals or courtesies that you didn't realize weren't universal. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 2, 2014, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705 "2014-03-02T22:38:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/81 "2014-03-07T22:24:02Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Same as **Gumpy** , I get this too at times. I once had a person tell me “My name is Chris, not ‘Sir’!” As I had something I wanted Chris to do for me, I bit my tongue and didn’t mention the real reason I called him “Sir” - given that I wasn’t going to ever see him again I didn’t want to _bother_ learning his name. 😃 You were being rude, and you were annoyed that he worked out you were being rude? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/82 "2014-03-07T22:24:34Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > If you don’t know about wine, you can learn (enough to get by, anyway). I guess I’m just puzzled at the notion that a bottle of wine is the default gift and if it isn’t used that night somehow it’s insulting. If you invite four couples over that would be four bottles of wine and they’re all supposed to be drunk that night? Of course, this might be why my go-to gift is usually something like a basket of fruit - not a store-made one, something I put together with seasonal stuff. Like, in the fall I’d bring a basket of a 1/2 dozen different apples. Or something. And if they aren’t eaten that night I don’t care. > [@](#): > > Parties aren’t hard, guys! 😉 They are for us introverts and hermits! ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/83 "2014-03-07T22:25:08Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > This is pretty common for me to discover on this board, as some of you may have noticed in the past. But surely I’m not the only one. There are just things that you consider “the way things are done” that are not as universal as you thought. > > A big one for me was the adage about “hate the sin, not the sinner,” which I’ve heard a lot of you disagree with. A smaller but equally surprising one was that not every teacher would let you keep your grade if you alert them to a mistake made in your favor. > > So what things do you guys have? Don’t be shy–I know I’ve seen at least a few incredulous posts caused by this situation. Then there’s the one about Eskimos… ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/84 "2014-03-07T22:56:55Z")
What is all this “split the check” crap? When you are out with friends you don’t split the check. And the people who do get several uncomfortable looks, and not invited the next time. Either everybody throws cash into a pot(which usually ends up with a 50-400% tip), or the first guy to say “I only brought a credit card, put it on this” and everybody else gives them cash directly. If there are more than one card only, they settle up later. Nothing pisses me off more than a “split the check” jackass who tags along with to one of my hangouts, and makes a waitress/bartender I know waste 5 minutes settling separate checks. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/85 "2014-03-07T23:10:32Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > What is all this “split the check” crap? When you are out with friends you don’t split the check. And the people who do get several uncomfortable looks, and not invited the next time. > Either everybody throws cash into a pot(which usually ends up with a 50-400% tip), or the first guy to say “I only brought a credit card, put it on this” and everybody else gives them cash directly. If there are more than one card only, they settle up later. in my experience, this is what “splitting the check " means. “Separate checks” is different -and the real jackasses don’t ask for separate checks , but do the " I had this and that and my total is 11.25” forgetting about tax, tip, shared appetizers etc. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/86 "2014-03-08T01:06:13Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > in my experience, this is what “splitting the check " means. “Separate checks” is different -and the real jackasses don’t ask for separate checks , but do the " I had this and that and my total is 11.25” forgetting about tax, tip, shared appetizers etc. Yeah, it’s always the one who has consumed the most food who wants to split evenly. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/87 "2014-03-08T01:43:53Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Yeah, it’s always the one who has consumed the most food who wants to split evenly. Maybe in your experience- but that wasn’t what I was talking about at all. My experience is that for the most part, we spend around the same amount and the regulars are inclined to split the check, but too frequently someone brings along another person who’s not a regular part of the group - and that person wants to pay exactly what’s listed on the menu for his order. If his burger and soda come to $11.25 according to the menu, that’s what he wants to pay. He doesn’t want to pay anything for the shared appetizers- although he ate them. Somehow , his order is not subject to tax and he doesn’t believe in tipping. He is the only person at the table who uses coins - if our share is $15.75 we call it $16 and there’s a bigger tip. He puts his hand out for the quarter. And although the way I wrote it sounds like it’s the same person every time- it’s not. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705/88 "2014-03-08T19:39:22Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > What is all this “split the check” crap? When you are out with friends you don’t split the check. And the people who do get several uncomfortable looks, and not invited the next time. > Either everybody throws cash into a pot(which usually ends up with a 50-400% tip), or the first guy to say “I only brought a credit card, put it on this” and everybody else gives them cash directly. If there are more than one card only, they settle up later. > > Nothing pisses me off more than a “split the check” jackass who tags along with to one of my hangouts, and makes a waitress/bartender I know waste 5 minutes settling separate checks. You’ve misunderstood what split the check means. It means to divide the bill up evenly, often in the way you describe in your first two paragraphs. IME, proper friends are reasonable about _not_ splitting the check sometimes too; sometimes it can mean that some people pay way more than they would if they ordered on their own and maybe they can’t afford it, or you don’t eat out together often enough that it will even out over time. Occasionally people do expect their friends to basically pay for their meal even if they’re broke. It’s a very popular topic on here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morals-or-courtesies-that-you-didnt-realize-werent-universal/682705.md?page=4)