# Morbid Q: What do you want to happen at your funeral? Do you expect to get it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 20, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130 "2011-04-20T20:42:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/21 "2011-04-21T16:16:06Z")
obligatory gotcha-ya! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/22 "2011-04-21T16:18:53Z")
I want my organs donated, which will probably happen. At least, my SO is okay with that. I also want my cadaver donated to medical science, which will probably not happen (ie., wife insists it won’t). I want my funeral to be a big party, with an open bar. Wife insists that’s not going to happen either, but she agreed to the open bar since it is _my_ funeral. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/23 "2011-04-21T16:30:25Z")
What would I want to happen at my funeral? Why, I’d like to sit up in my casket and say “Now _that_ was a good nap!” ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/24 "2011-04-21T16:38:20Z")
I want a party, Irish wake-type shindig. Drinking, partying, dancing, playing games, eating good food. Lots of music, no slower than up-beat; or better yet, rollicking. Have a good time, dammit! Life is for the living, so live. If I have advanced warning, I intend to plan the food menu and music playlist. Maybe even some good weed if it’s legal (Shhhhhhh, don’t tell.) Does bereavement count as a medical purpose? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/25 "2011-04-21T16:47:03Z")
I want my survivors to have a couple of bucks left from the $250 death benefit check they get from Social Security. So my instructions are: “Don’t spend more than $225 on it.” ETA: I expect to get it. If I don’t, hauntings will ensue. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/26 "2011-04-21T16:49:39Z")
I plan to have a pre-funeral ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/27 "2011-04-21T17:16:39Z")
I’m set to donate organs and tissue, then the cadaver. The med school says they cremate after they’re done. I like the idea of a party/wake and told my girls to rent a hall and cater in some food. Lots of pictures around and play my CDs low in the background. I just want my family and friends to get together and tell stories. Also, a big banner from me: “Anyone that cries at my wake, well, I’ll never speak to them again!” (I stole that idea from Stan Laurel.) I should get the donation and cremation, I can only hope about the wake. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/28 "2011-04-21T17:44:58Z")
I’ve made it clear to my wife, my younger sister, and just about anyone else who may find their self in a position to execute my wishes, that my wishes are thus: There will be no viewing of the body [I find the practice ghastly]. I want to be cremated as quickly as possible after my organs are harvested. There will be a brief “rememberance service” at my church. Sermons, prayers, and eulogies and all that are acceptable. A casket, receiving line, etc. are not. Put up a tabe with some mementos from my life, perhaps some pictures, etc. I’ve got about five songs that I want sung, and I’m trying to winnow the list down lest the whole thing become a karaoke party. I also want a poem or two read; something from Tolkien, plus that one about “he was my east and my west” from _Four Weddings and a Funeral_. The last words before everyone is dismissed are to be “Now we come to the end of our fellowship in Middle-Earth. I will not say ‘Do not weep,’ for not all tears are an evil.” My ashes are to be scattered as such: a few flakes at Wrigley Field; a few flakes at the creek behind the dorms where, back in college, I would go to [del]ditch class[/del] quietly pray; a few flakes at Disneyworld; and the rest of me scattered into the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Daytona Beach. With any luck, I’ll come back from the dead to haunt some of my favorite places. Top of my list: The Haunted Mansion at Disneyworld. The irony would be _awesome_. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/29 "2011-04-21T17:55:38Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > There will be a brief “rememberance service” at my church. Sermons, prayers, and eulogies and all that are acceptable. A casket, receiving line, etc. are not. Put up a tabe with some mementos from my life, perhaps some pictures, etc. I’ve got about five songs that I want sung, and I’m trying to winnow the list down lest the whole thing become a karaoke party. I also want a poem or two read; something from Tolkien, plus that one about “he was my east and my west” from _Four Weddings and a Funeral_. You’re thinking of W. H. Auden’s [“Funeral Blues.”](http://www.npr.org/programs/death/readings/poetry/aude.html) ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/30 "2011-04-21T18:15:28Z")
I \*\*\*do not \*\*\* want a funeral, never have. There is no money for one and there is no one to attend so it’s all kind of pointless anyway. I suppose that the City & County of San Francisco will dispose of my remains in what ever way they do for indigents. Which I believe is to cremate the body, store the ashes for X amount of time, then dispose of them, probably in a landfill. I would prefer to have my ashes scatter from the middle of the Gold Gate Bridge into the incoming fog, but that isn’t going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/31 "2011-04-21T19:37:46Z")
Cremated, with no body at the funeral. I left $10,000 for the party, and I hope it’s mostly spent on booze. Ashes to be tossed into the Santa Barbara Channel or garbage, it doesn’t really matter. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/32 "2011-04-21T20:14:31Z")
> [@](#): > > What do you want to happen at your funeral? A resurrection. > [@](#): > > Do you expect to get it? No. Okay, barring that, people can have whatever kind of ceremony or lack of ceremony they want. I won’t be there so my preferences don’t really enter into it. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/33 "2011-04-21T20:20:04Z")
I want to be cremated. Instead of a memorial service or funeral, I want there to be a party at a bar. Free food and drinks for everyone who shows up. No speeches. I’ve put the details in a letter that is kept with my will. It specifies that my ashes are to be thrown in the garbage. That’s the only part that I think my wife (if she survives me) will have a problem with. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/34 "2011-04-21T20:28:08Z")
I hope my funeral devolves into an orgy. And no, I don’t expect to get any. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/35 "2011-04-21T20:44:03Z")
I want whoever finds me to dump my body in the woods and pretend I went missing. The idea that my loved ones should have to shell out hundreds-to-thousands of dollars just because I happened to kick it is ludicrous to me. (Yeah, I know I can carry life insurance, and I do, but the idea that _I_ should have to pay to ensure that my loved ones don’t have to pay just because I happened to kick it is just as bad.) The only problem with that idea is that it’d render my organ donor status irrelevant, and I don’t want that. How about a compromise: somebody needs to start Giant Pit Funeral Services, Inc., a company that charges 50 bucks to take possession of the corpse once the doctors are done with it, and just chucks it into a giant pit with all the other rotting husks. They can put the pit just outside Newark; it’s not like anybody’d notice. 'Course, I’ve been told I don’t understand the purpose of funerals, and I’d have to agree. So I guess, when the time comes, if it makes my family feel better to stand around in formalwear making awkward conversation while eating tiny sandwiches and being depressed, then I’d be okay with whatever makes them happy. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/36 "2011-04-21T20:45:40Z")
> [@Roland\_Orzabal](#): > > I want whoever finds me to dump my body in the woods and pretend I went missing. The idea that my loved ones should have to shell out hundreds-to-thousands of dollars just because I happened to kick it is ludicrous to me. (Yeah, I know I can carry life insurance, and I do, but the idea that _I_ should have to pay to ensure that my loved ones don’t have to pay just because I happened to kick it is just as bad.) > > The only problem with that idea is that it’d render my organ donor status irrelevant, and I don’t want that. How about a compromise: somebody needs to start Giant Pit Funeral Services, Inc., a company that charges 50 bucks to take possession of the corpse once the doctors are done with it, and just chucks it into a giant pit with all the other rotting husks. They can put the pit just outside Newark; it’s not like anybody’d notice. > > 'Course, I’ve been told I don’t understand the purpose of funerals, and I’d have to agree. So I guess, when the time comes, if it makes my family feel better to stand around in formalwear making awkward conversation while eating tiny sandwiches and being depressed, then I’d be okay with whatever makes them happy. They needn’t spend hundreds of thousands. Buy a plot and pre-pay for the service. The funeral director will try to upsell you, but you can just say, “Look, it’s not like I’m not going to hell anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/37 "2011-04-21T21:00:45Z")
I want a party when I die, It should include Balloons, booze and Philly Steak sandwiches. I Want played: In the Arms of the Angels (Sarah McLachlan) Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon and Garfunkel) Bright Eyes (Art Garfunkel) Amazing Grace, as played on the bagpipes And Ding Dong the Witch is Dead from the Wizard of Oz. I hate funerals, and don’t want anybody to have to go to one on my account. As for the meat sack I leave behind, donate all the useful bits in it, then burn the sucker. Ideally, it should be mixed with my fiancee’s ashes, and scattered in 2 or 3 places we’ve already talked about. If I die before he does, he can keep them till he goes. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/38 "2011-04-21T21:23:38Z")
Now when I die Now don’t think I’m a nut Don’t want no fancy funeral Just one like old King Tut ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/39 "2011-04-22T01:35:07Z")
I am going to leave no instructions regarding my funeral because i will be dead and whatever happens will make absolutely no difference to me. That way my loved ones will do whatever they feel like doing to make themselves feel better, if that means tossing my body into a ditch to late be picked up by a group of necrophiliacs for their big labor day dead guy gang bang means nothing at all to me. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130/40 "2011-04-22T01:58:19Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > I hope my funeral devolves into an orgy. And no, I don’t expect to get any. Open casket and the right guest list and I don’t know why not… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/morbid-q-what-do-you-want-to-happen-at-your-funeral-do-you-expect-to-get-it/579130.md?page=3)