# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 100
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2022, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1992 "2022-05-08T17:36:11Z")
### When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime. * * * ### My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never thought they actually worked. * * * ### What do you call a carnivorous dinosaur who falls in love with his own mother? Oedipus Rex * * * ### My mother-in-law came for a visit so I asked her - How long do you plan to stay? Just until I start getting on your nerves, she replied. Oh, so you won’t even stay for a coffee? * * * ### What’s Saudi Arabia’s most popular sitcom? How I bought your mother ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2022, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1993 "2022-05-08T23:34:44Z")
“See?” Johnny’s mother told him, “You were afraid nobody would want to be your friend here. The kids in this Spanish-speaking neighborhood are welcoming you already! They really like you!” “How do you know?” he asked. “That nickname they keep calling you—cool arrow!” she replied. culero, sounding like “cool arrow,” means “asshole.” ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2022, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1994 "2022-05-09T12:57:54Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### A 6-Year-Old Child Looking At Moms ID Card. > > He sees: Sex: F > > He laughs. > > Mom: What’s So Funny? > > Kid: I Can’t Believe You Were So Bad In Sex That You Failed It. > > Husband Dies Laughing. Alternatively, he dies _from_ laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2022, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1995 "2022-05-09T13:53:33Z")
### What pronouns do the LGBTQ in Afghanistan use? was/were * * * ### Isn’t it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It’s stupid. You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves baristas. * * * ### I experienced my first mugging last night… I got a little banged up, but at least I now have some beer money! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2022, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1996 "2022-05-09T23:35:48Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What pronouns do the LGBTQ in Afghanistan use? > > was/were …those aren’t pronouns. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1997 "2022-05-10T00:18:27Z")
If I had a cow, I’d name it Jason. Jason Moomooah. If I had two elephants, I’d name them both Gerald. Elephants Gerald. If I had two salmon, I’d name one Ella, and the other one Rushdie. Salmon Ella and Salmon Rushdie. If I had two llamas, I’d name them both Fernando. Fernando Llamas. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1998 "2022-05-10T00:22:52Z")
My mother in law complained that I didn’t get her anything for Christmas. I told her it was because she didn’t use the burial plot I got her last year. My doorbell rang. I opened the door and my mother in law was standing on the steps. She said “can I stay here for a while?” I said “sure” and shut the door. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1999 "2022-05-10T11:30:23Z")
I have 2 cats - Oscar ('cause he’s wild) and Thornton ('cause he’s wilder) I don’t really. It’s a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2000 "2022-05-10T13:45:26Z")
### I think I may be addicted to laxatives - I can’t go without it. * * * ### Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time? You may be entitled to condensation. * * * ### You Americans may have the right to bare arms, but here in Canada, we can own moose legs. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2001 "2022-05-10T14:23:40Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > If I had two salmon, I’d name one Ella, and the other one Rushdie. Salmon Ella and Salmon Rushdie. If I had two newts I’d name them Olivia Newt and John Newt ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2022, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2002 "2022-05-10T14:35:24Z")
> [@Kron](#): > > > [@Hatchie](#): > > > > Confucius Say jokes are racist. Don’t do them. > > How and why? The delivery always involves affecting a Chinese accent and using broken English, perpetuating stereotypes. Saying the very phrase “Confucius say” before you even get into the joke promotes a racist stereotype. Yeah I know it was 7 months ago. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2003 "2022-05-11T14:38:38Z")
### I answered my front door this morning and was punched in the face by a 5 foot tall beetle. That must have been the nasty bug that’s going around. * * * ### I thought I was being helpful, opening the door for a woman. She just screamed and fell out of the plane. * * * ### Shocked that pesky ‘Jehovah Witness’ lady by answering the door naked.. Not sure whether she was scared that I was naked or I knew where she lived.. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2004 "2022-05-11T15:34:50Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Shocked that pesky ‘Jehovah Witness’ lady by answering the door naked… > > Not sure whether she was scared that I was naked or I knew where she lived… Nothing funnier then nit-picking a joke - one doesn’t answer someone else’s door. I would suggest “by going to the door naked” ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2022, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2005 "2022-05-11T16:05:37Z")
> [@Folacin](#): > > Nothing funnier then nit-picking a joke - one doesn’t answer someone else’s door. I would suggest “by going to the door naked” Then again, it’s even scarier if he was in her apartment and she didn’t realize it until he answered the door… ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2022, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2006 "2022-05-12T12:09:20Z")
Not sure if this is a joke or not, but in the English-language version of “War and Peace” I was reading a few years back, there was a staff officer who was a bit of an incompetent jerk, and his name was Zherkov (pronounced like “jerkoff”). I mean…really? > [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > …those aren’t pronouns. Oh. Prepositions, then. ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2022, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2007 "2022-05-12T12:11:27Z")
deleteme ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2022, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2008 "2022-05-12T13:37:51Z")
> [@Limmin](#): > > Not sure if this is a joke or not, but in the English-language version of “War and Peace” I was reading a few years back, there was a staff officer who was a bit of an incompetent jerk, and his name was Zherkov (pronounced like “jerkoff”). Still better than the woman in “The House of Mirth” named Mrs. Peniston. ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2022, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2009 "2022-05-12T14:13:41Z")
Which, if unintentional, is STILL better than the author who named a character [Del Capslock](https://www.librarything.com/character/Del+Capslock). That’s just lazy. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2022, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2010 "2022-05-12T14:16:40Z")
And yet Jo Nesbo has written an entire detective series featuring a protagonist named, well… [Harry Hole](https://jonesbo.com/harry-hole/) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2022, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2011 "2022-05-12T18:00:57Z")
### What’s in the middle of a jellyfish? His jelly button * * * ### Why did James Dean cross the road? Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt. * * * ### Do you know what the difference between hoarding and collecting is? Presentation [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=99) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=101)