# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 106
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2022, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2112 "2022-05-29T10:17:39Z")
> [@dtilque](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### Boy: What’s a palindrome? > > > > Teacher: racecar > > > > {10 years later} > > > > Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where’s the palindrome? > > > > Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak] > > Was the getaway driver a Nauruan? No - but he spoke Malayalam. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2022, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2113 "2022-05-29T10:53:35Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > No - but he spoke Malayalam. Probably lived in Oktahatko. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2022, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2114 "2022-05-29T17:15:09Z")
> [@dtilque](#): > > Probably lived in Oktahatko. On a trip to California, he patronized the Yreka Bakery. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2022, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2115 "2022-05-29T17:19:36Z")
### Why aren’t there any hobos from Indiana? Because beggars can’t be Hoosiers. * * * ### Why is the archeologist sad? Because his career is in ruins. * * * ### If you apply enough heat and pressure to Kid Rock… he turns into Neil Diamond. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2022, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2116 "2022-05-29T19:55:30Z")
Vocabulary 01 Arbitrator - A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds Avoidable - What a bullfighter tries to do ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2117 "2022-05-30T00:12:53Z")
Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles their conversation with Yiddishisms. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2118 "2022-05-30T01:08:54Z")
This is not a joke, but a true funny story (I saw a photocopy of the note). A man lost an appeal of a parking ticket. He then wrote a check to pay the fine, accompanied by a protest not in which he wished that the officer step on a lego. As someone who has stepped on lego, I found this hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2119 "2022-05-30T01:28:23Z")
d4s are so much worse. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2120 "2022-05-30T02:37:03Z")
Trying to remember…it was circa 2000. Cops send a man a photo of him running a red light with a $40 fine attached. He sends them a photocopy of two $20 bills. They reply with a photocopy of handcuffs. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2121 "2022-05-30T09:54:48Z")
Yeah, you know it’s weird, the mere act of copying money makes you liable to counterfeit laws, which are quite severe. Unless, _unless_, you enlarge it at least 150%, or reduce it 75%. But the same laws apply on xeroxes, home printers–what did I leave out? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2122 "2022-05-30T11:26:36Z")
Football game in the wild. Elephant’s team vs. rhino’s team. First half, team elephant dominates. Nobody on team rhino can run the ball nor stop the other team from scoring. Half-time score 70-0. Second half, team rhino receives kickoff. It goes to the centipede, who scurries the length of the field for a touchdown, untouched. Centipede is an outstanding tackler as well. The game goes on. Centipede scores on offense, stops team rhino on defense. Final score, Rhino 77, Elephant 70. After the game, rhino says to centipede: “Where the hell were you during the first half?” Centipede: “I was tying my shoes.” ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2123 "2022-05-30T14:09:36Z")
Vocabulary 01 Baloney - Where some hemlines fall Burglarize - What a crook sees with ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2124 "2022-05-30T14:24:06Z")
Pasteurise - Out of sight. Acoustic - What you play pool with. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2125 "2022-05-30T14:35:04Z")
**My spouse and I have an invisible means of communication whereby she can, with only a glance across a crowded cocktail party, send me clear messages like “Why are you talking to that hussy?”, “Don’t think I didn’t see that”, and "We are going to talk about this when we get home."** It’s called “Wife-Eye”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2126 "2022-05-30T17:28:46Z")
### QAnon has announced a beauty pageant The winner will be crowned Miss Information. * * * ### I installed a high-voltage fence around my property. My neighbor is dead against it. * * * ### It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey. * * * ### Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It’s pasteurized before you even see it.. * * * ### Psychiatrist asks two patients to act they’re in a grocery store - He tells them that if they do it well, he’ll sign them off, and they can leave the hospital. So the first one asks for one gallon of potatoes, and the second one bursts into laughter. Thee doctor was happy his patient shows signs of being cured, but asks him for confirmation : “why are you laughing?” “Because, he wants to buy a gallon of potatoes and he didn’t bring a bottle!” ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2127 "2022-05-30T22:09:15Z")
What’s the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish sheep farmer? ---
**Author:** ![Tride](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tride/32/13907_2.png) [@Tride](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tride)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2022, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2128 "2022-05-30T22:14:41Z")
“Hey, McLeod, get offa my ewe!” ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2022, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2129 "2022-05-31T02:07:50Z")
Countryside. Killing Trump. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2022, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2130 "2022-05-31T02:10:51Z")
That’s it. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2022, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2131 "2022-05-31T02:28:53Z")
Joke that can be applied to any election, but for instance… I’ll use the 2020 presidential election, to be more concrete: If Biden and Trump are in a boat in the middle of the ocean and both fall out and drown, who wins? (Answer: America.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=105) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=107)