# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 108
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2022, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2152 "2022-06-02T19:53:10Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Dear Algebra, > Stop asking us to find your x. Forget it, man, she’s gone. And the Devil said, “Let’s put the alphabet in arithmetic!” ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2022, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2153 "2022-06-02T20:35:04Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > She was swell to the division, but rotten to the corps. > > He had an apartment in front, and she had a flat behind. She was popular around the stables; all the horse men knew her. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2022, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2154 "2022-06-02T22:37:51Z")
Vocabulary 01 Heroes - What a guy in a boat does. Left bank - What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2022, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2155 "2022-06-03T12:19:04Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > He had an apartment in front, and she had a flat behind. The Canadian two dollar coin has the queen on one side with a bear behind. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2022, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2156 "2022-06-03T22:45:26Z")
Ignoranus (n) a real dumb ass. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2022, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2157 "2022-06-03T23:12:13Z")
Vocabulary 01 Misty - How golfers create divots Paradox - Two physicians ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2158 "2022-06-05T12:16:01Z")
_Another true-life joke…_ When we were little kids, we used to swim in this local public swimming pool. And one time, my cousin came out of the water, his eyes swollen red, complaining ‘That damn chlorine!’ to which I replied, ‘Chlorine? Who’s she?’ I think my mother at least thought that was funny. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2159 "2022-06-05T19:20:12Z")
What’s invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2022, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2160 "2022-06-05T23:32:42Z")
Vocabulary 01 (I feel better) Parasites - What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower Pharmacist - A helper on the farm ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2161 "2022-06-06T14:50:33Z")
### What’s the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians? Ukrainians defend their Capitol. * * * ### Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts? He doesn’t want to be spotted. * * * ### I passed by a building made entirely of keilbasa. Never sausage a place before. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2162 "2022-06-06T21:20:14Z")
Vocabulary 01 Polarize - What penguins and white bears see with. Primate - Remove your spouse from in front of the tv. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2163 "2022-06-07T02:33:40Z")
Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas. [Paula Poundstone](https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/paula-poundstone-quotes) This is on Facebook for those who only shower periodically. > **[existence precedes essence: Photo](https://chubbypuffy.tumblr.com/image/179064135513)** > > Kerensa,twenty-something,Singapore  ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2022, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2164 "2022-06-08T12:16:12Z")
From Facebook… A homeowner hears a knock at his front door one evening and answers it. Outside he sees three very pale men in formal wear. The leader says: May we speak with you about the glories of Dracula? Homeowner: What? Are those pamphlets? Leader: Yes, we’d like to encourage you to join us because… Homeowner: Wow, I never heard of missionaries for Dracula. Leader: How do you think we get more members? Homeowner: Well, I thought you just bit people. Leader: There are many hurtful stereotypes. May we come in? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2022, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2165 "2022-06-08T15:21:39Z")
### Happy Birthday, Georges Seurat! I wish I could remember why he’s famous but my knowledge of his work is a little spotty. * * * ### Happy Birthday, Frank Zamboni A revolutionary inventor, despite being dead for almost 40 years, his name still resurfaces. * * * ### What do you call a circle of $100 bills? Aretha Franklins! ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2022, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2166 "2022-06-08T20:45:07Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Happy Birthday, Georges Seurat! > > I wish I could remember why he’s famous but my knowledge of his work is a little spotty. I think you’re missing the point. * * * Wilbur was a fine art lover but his wife Kay found art boring. One day he asks her to go to an 18th Century Impressionism exhibition at the local art museum with him. “Do I have to, Wilby?” “Come on Kay, give it a chance, you might actually enjoy it.” Wilbur sees a painting by his favorite artist Georges Seurat and excitedly exclaims to his wife: “Kay, Seurat, Seurat!” “Whatever, Wilby, Wilby.” ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2022, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2167 "2022-06-08T23:17:15Z")
18th century? Whatever, solost, solost. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2022, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2168 "2022-06-08T23:24:16Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > 18th century? Ugh, what an art brain fart. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, he was a Post-Impressionist, not an Impressionist. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2022, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2169 "2022-06-09T00:32:11Z")
Why did the three artists get stranded? They had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2022, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2170 "2022-06-09T14:14:44Z")
More Vocabulary 101 Decaffeinated - A cow that has just given birth. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2022, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2171 "2022-06-09T15:50:57Z")
### A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her. Dr. Bumbutu advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want bigger boobies!” She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack! One morning when she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle on the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.” A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, “Are you a patient of Dr. Bumbutu?” “Yes I am..how did you know?” He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…” * * * ### What would two termites order at a restaurant? Table for 2 * * * ### I gave my seat to a blind person on a bus. That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=107) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=109)