# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 109
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2022, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2172 "2022-06-10T15:16:33Z")
### Norris: I can defeat any chess champion in three moves or less. Boris: You know Chess? Norris: No, Judo * * * ### Judo - it’s the art of folding clothes perfectly… …while the people are still in them. * * * ### Not only is my wife really funny, but she’s a world class clinical oncologist too. She has a great sense of tumor. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2022, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2173 "2022-06-10T23:00:56Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What would two termites order at a restaurant? > > Table for 2 Two termites walk into a pub and said “is the bar tender here?” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2022, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2174 "2022-06-11T16:22:20Z")
### My girlfriend once caught me masturbating to an optical illusion. I told her “it’s not what it looks like”. * * * ### I have a joke about capitalism And I’ll tell it to you for $5.99. * * * ### Found my old copy of _Picture of Dorian Gray_ in the attic It has not aged well. * * * ### A minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender yells, “Hey, what’s this a joke? We don’t serve jokes here. Get out!” And they leave. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into the bar. The bartender yells, “Hey, what’s this a joke? We don’t serve jokes here. Get out!” And they leave. A chicken walks into the bar. The bartender yells, “Hey, what’s this a joke? We don’t serve jokes here. Get out!” The chicken asks, "Well,do you know of any bar that does serve jokes? The bartender replies, “Yeah. Just across the road.” ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2022, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2175 "2022-06-11T22:12:18Z")
_What’s brown and sticky?_ A stick. _What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?_ A can’t opener. (_Children’s joke:_) _How do you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?_ By the footprints in the butter. ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2022, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2176 "2022-06-11T22:31:32Z")
I went by a home furnishings store today and it had a sign saying “Cast iron sinks”. I don’t know why the sign had to proclaim it. I thought everybody knew that. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2177 "2022-06-12T02:28:12Z")
[https://ifunny.co/picture/can-i-call-you-back-t-m-shaving-my-privates-PM1LCkeK7](https://ifunny.co/picture/can-i-call-you-back-t-m-shaving-my-privates-PM1LCkeK7) I shared on Facebook, then added a photo of Fleetwood Mac. “Another way…” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Klutz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captain_klutz/32/4993_2.png) [@Captain\_Klutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Klutz)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2178 "2022-06-12T06:06:14Z")
Prosthetic limbs are very expensive. They cost an arm and a leg. ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2179 "2022-06-12T15:37:21Z")
This one? [![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/6LOWaP5.gif "imgur.com") ](https://imgur.com/6LOWaP5) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2180 "2022-06-12T15:38:21Z")
That’s the one! ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2022, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2181 "2022-06-12T20:38:07Z")
Those who jump off bridges in Paris are in Seine! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2022, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2182 "2022-06-13T13:54:17Z")
### Do you ever wonder why they call it heated seats? Because rear defroster was already taken. * * * ### Why is Pride always celebrated in the summer? Pride always cometh before the fall. * * * ### My New Year’s Resolution was to lose 30 lbs. by the end of summer I’ve only got 40 lbs. to go ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2022, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2183 "2022-06-13T18:23:47Z")
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2022, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2184 "2022-06-14T14:21:57Z")
### What do a pistol and candy have in common? When you pull them out of your backpack suddenly everyone at school wants to be your friend. * * * ### When I was 16 years old I told my mom I wanted to get a motorcycle… She said, “You are not buying a motorcycle. My brother, your uncle who you never met, died in a horrible motorcycle accident. You can have his bike.” * * * ### Humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Venus is a pressure-cooker hellscape with an acidic atmosphere, and Mars has almost no atmosphere at all. In comparison, bad weather on Earth… is such a first world problem. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2022, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2185 "2022-06-15T08:43:09Z")
_Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously. For Moses he knowses his toeses aren’t roses, like Moses supposes he toeses to be._ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2022, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2186 "2022-06-15T15:41:39Z")
### What do I like about a good tongue twister? It’s hard to say… * * * ### "Nothing rhymes with Orange’, said my wife. I replied, “No, it doesn’t”. * * * ### My wife really is the sunshine of my life. Too bad I’m a vampire. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2022, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2187 "2022-06-15T15:47:09Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### "Nothing rhymes with Orange’, said my wife. > > I replied, “No, it doesn’t”. True story: I remember as a kid my mom reading a magazine or newspaper and saying to my dad “it says here nothing rhymes with orange”. To which my dad, without missing a beat, said “door hinge”. Not a perfect rhyme, but to this day I think it was a pretty clever answer. ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2022, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2188 "2022-06-15T18:02:30Z")
Eating an orange While making love Makes for bizarre enj- Oyment thereof. –Tom Lehrer ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2022, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2189 "2022-06-15T18:11:55Z")
Roses are red Violets are purple Sugar is sweet And so is maple surple. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2022, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2190 "2022-06-15T23:24:56Z")
My wife and I lived happily for 25 years, then we met. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2022, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2191 "2022-06-15T23:55:48Z")
> [@solost](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### "Nothing rhymes with Orange’, said my wife. > > > > I replied, “No, it doesn’t”. > > True story: I remember as a kid my mom reading a magazine or newspaper and saying to my dad “it says here nothing rhymes with orange”. To which my dad, without missing a beat, said “door hinge”. Not a perfect rhyme, but to this day I think it was a pretty clever answer. My dad made the same claim, late 1960s. mmm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=108) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=110)