# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 112
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2022, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2232 "2022-06-29T17:30:34Z")
@Railer13 I didn’t get that one. Explain, please 🙂 ? EDIT: _“Ian”_ (did I read that right 🙂 ?) ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2022, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2233 "2022-06-29T17:36:02Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > EDIT: _“Ian”_ (did I read that right 🙂 ?) ian “magician” - “magic” = “ian” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2022, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2234 "2022-06-29T18:22:23Z")
### I once saw a blind man and asked him how he went blind. He said “I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn’t tell me that they were pierced.” * * * ### Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a pillow-stuffing factory? He said he was fed up with feeling down… * * * ### Treadmill sellers are stiff competitors. They give you a run for your money. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2022, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2235 "2022-06-29T21:01:11Z")
Another: Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery and start sampling the product. Daffy says, “Is this whiskey?” Elmer replies, “Vewwy, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank!” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2022, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2236 "2022-06-30T03:23:01Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery This fails the humor test. The two would not be co-conspiriters ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2022, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2237 "2022-06-30T03:36:20Z")
> [@Karen\_Lingel](#): > > I love physics jokes! Me too! @Prof.Pepperwinkle, can you tell the one about absolute zero? > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > OK! ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2022, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2238 "2022-06-30T12:30:43Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > The two would not be co-conspiriters I might have known someone would demand proof. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2022, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2239 "2022-06-30T14:04:26Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > I might have known someone would demand proof. “Well actuwwy, I think this whiskey is one hundwed pwoof!” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2022, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2240 "2022-06-30T14:29:31Z")
### Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they’ll never accept a foreign ruler. * * * ### What happened to the handy man when he lost his hands? He became an army man. * * * ### A dad was washing his car with his son. “Why can’t you use a towel or sponge like other people?” asked his wife. * * * ### The Russians bombed a cemetery yesterday. There were no survivors ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2022, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2241 "2022-07-01T17:47:37Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > This story is about a group of three men, who’d been friends since grade school and all the way through college, and beyond. > > A few years into adulthood, one of the men says, “I can’t keep living a lie. All my life, I feel that I’ve been a woman. I’m going to start presenting as a woman, and get the surgery.” Her friends were very supportive of her decision. > > The next time they get together, the friend has gotten the surgery, and is presenting as a woman. The other two members of their friend group, naturally, have some questions. > > “Looking very nice,” one of them says. “I want to know, though-- what was the most painful part of the transition? Was it when they removed your penis?” > > “No,” the woman replies. “That hurt, but after awhile, I barely noticed its absence.” > > “Surely, it was when they took your balls,” the other friend said. > > “No. That was pretty painful, but I’m fine now. There _is_ a lingering pain in another way, though.” > > “What was that?” > > “When they halved my salary.” True version of this joke. I have a friend who transitioned. She says her only regret is the pockets. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2022, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2242 "2022-07-01T18:18:10Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Me too! @Prof.Pepperwinkle, can you tell the one about absolute zero? > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > OK! 👏 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2022, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2243 "2022-07-01T23:20:52Z")
### My daughter was born this morning, July 4th. It’s the day I lost my independence. * * * ### This is ridiculous. It’s July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire. * * * ### Not everyone has the day off for the 4th of July.. Fire works. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2022, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2244 "2022-07-02T19:16:12Z")
### One of my books just had a four-star review! The reviewer said “This book is \*\*\*\*”. * * * ### I always wanted to be a millionaire just like my dad. He wasn’t a millionaire, he just wanted to be one. * * * ### I asked 100 women what their favorite shampoo was. The top response was… What are you doing in my bathroom?! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2022, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2245 "2022-07-03T15:10:05Z")
### What’s the advantage of a poor memory? You’ll find all my jokes funny. * * * ### Whoever decided to call it Dentures… Really missed the opportunity to call it Substitooths. * * * ### How does a vulva order her eggs? Ovaries-y ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2246 "2022-07-03T21:09:52Z")
_It’s actually wonderful having Alzheimers._ You meet new people every day. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2022, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2247 "2022-07-04T14:37:27Z")
### What did the lightning say to the fireworks? Hey! You stole my thunder. * * * ### To prevent theft the Declaration of Independence is now locked in a Nicolas Cage. * * * ### Why aren’t there any Independence Day knock knock jokes? 'Cause freedom \*rings\*. ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2248 "2022-07-05T01:44:10Z")
Actually, there are 3 great things about having Alzheimers. 1. You meeet new people every day (got that), 2. You always hear new jokes and, 3. Ummmm … just give me a second … ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2249 "2022-07-05T14:49:09Z")
> [@Wallaby](#): > > Actually, there are 3 great things about having Alzheimers. An old joke… And you can hide your own Easter eggs. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2250 "2022-07-05T15:46:35Z")
Or gift wrap your own presents. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2251 "2022-07-05T15:51:44Z")
There’s always a new Agatha Christie novel. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=111) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=113)