# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 117
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2022, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2332 "2022-07-22T18:35:10Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge… > > It’ll be called YouTwitFace. LOLOL! Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2022, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2333 "2022-07-22T19:40:45Z")
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytd _A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”_ “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.” _I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down._ Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner. _My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care._ ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2022, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2334 "2022-07-22T19:53:27Z")
Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I’M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2335 "2022-07-23T00:09:38Z")
Where does Josh Hawley shop? At the Flee Market. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2336 "2022-07-23T00:12:27Z")
What is a millihelen? The quantity of female pulchritude necessary to launch one ship. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2337 "2022-07-23T00:14:54Z")
Which implies the negative millihelen - the quantity of ugliness necessary to sink one ship. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2338 "2022-07-23T08:10:14Z")
POLICE OFFICER: Turn around. ME: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never comin’ round. POLICE OFFICER: TURN AROUND! ME: Every now an— **GETS TASED** (Facebook) ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2339 "2022-07-23T13:23:47Z")
Elmer Fudd and Daffy Duck rob a distillery. Daffy dips a wand into one of the casks, and asks Elmer ‘Is this whiskey?’ Elmer responds, ‘Yeth, it’s whiskey. But it’s not as whiskey as wobbing a bank.’ ---
**Author:** ![its\_the\_daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bb73d2/32.png) [@its\_the\_daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/its_the_daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2340 "2022-07-23T13:35:38Z")
Man goes into a deli: “I’ll take two of those pissoles please” "I’m sorry, Sir. The letter you think is a ‘p’ is in fact an ‘r’ ". “OK, I’ll take two of those arseholes” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2341 "2022-07-23T16:44:00Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > Elmer Fudd and Daffy Duck rob a distillery. > > Daffy dips a wand into one of the casks, and asks Elmer ‘Is this whiskey?’ > > Elmer responds, ‘Yeth, it’s whiskey. But it’s not as whiskey as wobbing a bank.’ I swear I’ve heard this one before. > [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery and start sampling the product. Daffy says, “Is this whiskey?” Elmer replies, “Vewwy, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank!” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2022, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2342 "2022-07-23T18:32:03Z")
### Why is it called white noise? Because if it wasn’t white, it’d be called disturbing the peace. * * * ### What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink? A cab. * * * ### Why did Hitler lose the war? Three Reichs and you’re out. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2022, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2343 "2022-07-24T00:04:56Z")
Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2022, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2344 "2022-07-24T14:41:18Z")
### I was perfectly sane when I still had a comic book collection It’s tough when you lose your Marvels…. * * * ### Back in my day, I could go to the store with a dollar and come back with a bag of chips and a comic book. Now, they’ve got cameras. * * * ### Who Is Jay Gatsby’s Favorite Comic Book Character? Deadpool. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2022, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2345 "2022-07-24T21:24:43Z")
(a moldy oldie) What was the name of the law firm that represented Ted Kennedy during the Chappaquiddick incident? Winer, Diner, Dicker and Drowner ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2022, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2346 "2022-07-24T23:19:34Z")
When you go golfing, always bring an extra pair of pants. _You never know when you’ll get a hole in one._ How do you get down off an elephant? _You don’t get down off an elephant! You get it off a duck!_ How do you eat an elephant? _One bite at a time._ ---
**Author:** ![rippingtons\_fan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rippingtons_fan/32/11767_2.png) [@rippingtons\_fan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rippingtons_fan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2022, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2347 "2022-07-24T23:40:34Z")
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede? Drumsticks for everyone! ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2022, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2348 "2022-07-25T10:53:35Z")
I don’t get this one. (Meyer I’m just thrown off by the geographic inconsistency of a British “arsehole” and a New York “deli”). ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2022, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2349 "2022-07-25T11:47:38Z")
I can’t speak for **its\_the\_daddy** , but the the joke _is_ dependent on British dialect. First of all, there is no mention of New York, so the deli could be anywhere. Rissoles are a kind of patty usually(at least by my English MIL) shredded leftover chicken or turkey along with chopped onions, etc. made into a patty, rolled in breadcrumbs and pan fried. Sort of like you would make a crab cake. I doubt that one American in a hundred has heard the term. Without the Brit influence my family would call them something like chickenburgers or turkey cakes. So the joke is that the guy says **P** issoles instead of Rissoles and when informed that the _P_ should be an _R_ (spoken aloud, so _ARR_) he puts that sound in front of the sound _soles_. Voila - arseholes! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2022, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2350 "2022-07-25T11:50:31Z")
The customer wanted Rissoles, but said “Pee-soles.” When told it’s R (arr) instead of P (pee), he changed to “Arr-soles” which sounds like “arseholes.” ---
**Author:** ![its\_the\_daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bb73d2/32.png) [@its\_the\_daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/its_the_daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2022, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2351 "2022-07-25T13:21:39Z")
Thanks guys. We have plenty of delis in the UK. Don’t you have 'r’soles in the US? Not even British imports? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=116) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=118)