# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 119
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2372 "2022-07-30T15:26:02Z")
### Your phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar and alarm clock… Don’t let it replace your family. * * * ### What’s the difference between a digital camera and a sock? The camera takes photos and the the sock takes five toes. * * * ### What do you call the people with cameras that follow opera singers? The pavarazzi * * * ### I was given a very expensive looking camera as a gift today. They were foreign tourists, so I didn’t understand the rest, but it was still a nice gesture. * * * ### I just got a photo from a speed camera through the mail. I sent it right back – way too expensive and really bad quality. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2022, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2373 "2022-07-31T09:43:30Z")
I must’ve bought the world’s worst thesaurus. _Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible._ ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2022, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2374 "2022-07-31T13:44:48Z")
The pessimist sees the glass as half-empty. _While the optometrist sees it as half-full, because he has better glasses._ (I just thought of that. Seriously.) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2022, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2375 "2022-07-31T16:21:56Z")
### To the person who hacked my account - I will find you, and I will kill you. Edit: no you won’t * * * ### Why was 6 afraid of 7? 0.35836795 [cos 789] * * * ### Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene. * * * ### I told my wife she’s lousy in bed; she went out to get a second opinion. * * * ### Steps on how to fall down the stairs: Step 1: Step 2: Step 3: Step 5: Step 8: Step 13: ---
**Author:** ![Topologist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/topologist/32/3208_2.png) [@Topologist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Topologist)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2376 "2022-08-01T00:50:12Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Steps on how to fall down the stairs: > > Step 1: Step 2: Step 3: Step 5: Step 8: Step 13: Fibonacci, are you OK? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2377 "2022-08-01T05:32:56Z")
I brought home a To-Go box of some real good chicken for my girlfriend Cherry. (That has nothing to do with this. Just wanted everyone to know I got a girlfriend named ‘Cherry’) We’re eating it, and she says, "This is really good. Where did it come from?’ I told her it was catered from the Stockholder meeting, and I didn’t know what caterer. So I said it was Blue Oyster Cluk. Fowl of Unknown Origin. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2378 "2022-08-01T10:09:40Z")
“Mr. Holmes, where did you go to school?” “Watson Elementary, my dear.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2379 "2022-08-01T13:00:34Z")
### “Son, I found a condom in your room” “Gee, thanks, grandpa.” “Why are you calling me grandpa?” “Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.” * * * ### I am smarter than George Jetson – Because unlike him, I wasn’t born yesterday. * * * ### Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band. We’re calling ourselves OC/DC. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2380 "2022-08-01T15:31:39Z")
Did you hear about the dyslexic Atheist? He doesn’t believe in Dog. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2381 "2022-08-01T15:37:47Z")
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? He was awake all night wondering if there is a god. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2382 "2022-08-01T15:40:35Z")
Every one has heard about Karl Marx and his contributions to communism, yet nobody has heard about his sister , Onya, who invented the starter pistol. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2383 "2022-08-01T18:01:28Z")
# I’m a militant agnostic I don’t know, and neither do you. ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2022, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2384 "2022-08-01T22:01:28Z")
He eventually rebelled, and sold his soul to Santa. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2022, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2385 "2022-08-02T07:09:38Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac? > > He was awake all night wondering if there is a god. I’m _pretttttty_ sure that’s not how the punchline goes. 🐕 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2022, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2386 "2022-08-02T13:20:10Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I’m _pretttttty_ sure that’s not how the punchline goes. It’s either a typo, or I’m dyslexic. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2022, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2387 "2022-08-02T14:36:19Z")
### Hardest person to sing happy birthday to… Tu YouYou (Chinese Nobel laureate) * * * ### Why are meteors the best lovers? Because they’re all really hot, super down to earth and are guaranteed to rock your world. * * * ### What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems? A mirror ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2022, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2388 "2022-08-03T17:39:10Z")
### Three months ago I ordered a book _How to scam people online_ - It still hasn’t arrived. * * * ### I rearranged all the wrenches in my Dad’s toolbox. Nobody expects the spanners switch position! * * * ### Why do they still use lead to make bullets?? Don’t they know that lead is dangerous?? ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2389 "2022-08-03T21:09:28Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I rearranged all the wrenches in my Dad’s toolbox. > > Nobody expects the spanners switch position! I don’t get this one. What am I missing? And yes, I know that spanner is British for wrench. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2022, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2390 "2022-08-03T21:14:49Z")
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2022, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2391 "2022-08-03T21:19:19Z")
Thanks, **needscoffee**. That one’s a bit of a stretch. Now I’m sorry I asked 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=118) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=120)