# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 139
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2022, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2772 "2022-12-06T01:48:02Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > I think it’s obviously CALL. Yes, it is. My proofreading skills are lacking. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2022, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2773 "2022-12-06T19:18:47Z")
### The inventor of the wind chill factor died this week. He was 86 but felt more like he was 64. * * * ### Bob said to Bill, “So you were going to propose to Lisa yesterday evening. Are congratulations in order?” Bill said, “Not yet. They’ll have to wait.” Bob asked, “How long?” “It could be a while,” replied Bill, “she said I’m the last person she’ll marry.” * * * ### How much does it cost a small middle eastern country to host the World Cup? A Qatar of a trillion ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2022, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2774 "2022-12-06T20:13:49Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### The inventor of the wind chill factor died this week. > > He was 86 but felt more like he was 64. Paul Siple died in 1968 (a month shy of his 60th birthday), and Charles Passel died in 2002 (aged 87). Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2022, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2775 "2022-12-07T11:36:51Z")
I love this about this board. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2022, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2776 "2022-12-07T13:55:26Z")
### Frosty the snowman was spotted at the local grocery store He was caught picking his nose in the produce section. And he didn’t carrot all. * * * ### Why didn’t Lassie have to save Timmy on Christmas Day? No well * * * ### Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2022, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2777 "2022-12-08T17:16:13Z")
### Looking Good My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn. My house isn’t dirty. The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn. I think I might never put my glasses back on. * * * ### A teacher asked… A teacher asked Johnny, “You what does a chicken give us?” Johnny replied, “eggs.” “Very good, Johnny. Jessica, what does a sheep give us?” “Wool.” “Very good, Jessica. Robbie, what does a cow give us?” “Homework.” Apparently Robbie has his own seat in the principal’s office. * * * ### Paul: “So lads, any idea how we’re gonna end ‘Hey Jude’”? John: Nah. George: Nah. Ringo: Nah. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2022, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2778 "2022-12-09T15:52:11Z")
### God creates the Frog. Frog: What am I? God: You are an amphibian. Frog: What’s that? God: That’s a creature that can live in the water or on land. Frog: Oh, I’m a mermaid. God: Uhh, that’s not… Frog: (whispering) I’m the littlest mermaid. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2022, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2779 "2022-12-10T02:28:25Z")
One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fresh fruit from the nearby trees. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!” The old man frowned, "I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked:’ Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m just here to feed the alligator!” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2022, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2780 "2022-12-10T02:31:54Z")
… At the circus, the lion tamer strolls into the caged ring where there’s one huge lion. The brave tamer says to the audience, “Watch this.” He then walked up to the lion, opened its mouth and stuck his willy right in, then he slapped the lion on the head really hard and slowly removed his ‘boy bit’. Well the audience was very impressed, much applause and shouts of delight. … “Now then, if there’s anyone out in the audience thinks they can do that, I’ll give them $500, any takers?” A little old man stood up and said, “Yes I’ll give it a go.” The audience went wild. “Okay,” says the lion tamer, come into the cage with me. You’re very brave to give that a go, are you afraid?” And the little old man said, “No not really, just as long as you don’t slap me as hard as you slapped that lion." ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2022, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2781 "2022-12-10T13:51:30Z")
That reminds me of the old joke about the two winos walking down the street when they pass an alleyway and see a dog sitting there licking himself. The first wino says “Man, I wish _I_ could do that.” The second wino says “I don’t know… Maybe you should just pet him first.” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2022, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2782 "2022-12-10T14:01:16Z")
“Is this a good vacuum?” “Well, it doesn’t suck.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2022, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2783 "2022-12-10T14:10:10Z")
### Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they make the toys. * * * ### What’s the difference between Santa Claus and the Krampus? Santa comes once a year and loves everyone, the Krampus comes once a month and hates women. * * * ### What do you call a person who doesn’t believe in Santa Clause? Eggnog-stic. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2022, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2784 "2022-12-11T13:17:17Z")
Why did Roy Rogers buy a Dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggie. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2022, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2785 "2022-12-11T15:48:27Z")
### What is similar about Christmas and tornado season? You have a tree in your living room. * * * ### The insomniacs are getting all excited. Only 2 more sleeps till Christmas. * * * ### Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day your body rejected the transplant and you died. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2022, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2786 "2022-12-11T17:27:11Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > That one is not actually a joke, its real life. IIRC, there was a news article about an archeological find, a golden prosthetic eye worn by a 6’ tall priestess. > > A reader’s comment to the article was the warning to not remove the golden eye from the holy woman’s skeleton, because, obviously, something horrible would happen to the people who did such a thing. At least, that’s how it is in the movies. So there’s no joke? I’ve been wondering about this for months! So why is it in this thread? Aw, man, I want my months of brain-busting time back… ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2022, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2787 "2022-12-11T17:56:03Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Item: A 5,000-year-old prosthetic eye found near Zabol in Iran is the oldest in history. > > It was made from tar and animal fat and painted old. The wearer was a 6’ tall priestess. > > Comment: Do. Not. Remove. The. Golden. Eye. From. The. Unnaturally. Large. Holy. Woman’s. SKELETON. > > Please. The joke (for what it’s worth) was the Comment. Anyone who’s seen very many horror movies knows what the consequences of that action would be. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2022, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2788 "2022-12-12T06:58:26Z")
read this one on Facebook earlier A little old lady was working on a puzzle and after being stumped for a while decides to call a neighbor to help So he neighbor comes over and sees her sitting at the table and says "so what’s this supposed to be a picture of? “a rooster,” she says he looks at the box and then the pieces and sighs he then says "well what we’re gonna do is first enjoy a nice pot of tea and then put all the cornflakes back in the box " ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2022, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2789 "2022-12-12T17:02:08Z")
### Q: What is a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer? A: Comet. * * * ### Kid: Santa, what’s the story of your reindeer names? Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow! Kid: What about Donner? _A dark countenance settles on Santa’s face_ Santa: The year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada… * * * ### How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer? Nothing! It’s on the house! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2022, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2790 "2022-12-12T18:35:37Z")
> ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2022, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2791 "2022-12-12T19:58:29Z")
### What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer ### What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=138) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=140)