# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 144
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2023, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2872 "2023-01-05T16:39:38Z")
Thanks again. I got some new joke books for Christmas. 🎄 🎅 🤪 And… you all know about this other thread of DorkVader’s, right? > [@Nerdy, Geeky Jokes](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532): > > This is here because I wasn’t sure where it should go. Not really trying to start a game. I’m sitting here this am sipping from my coffee torus and musing on science jokes, good and bad. Yesterday, I saw a personalized license plate on a car that I thought actually clever; “AUNRULE”. Tell me your science jokes ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2023, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2873 "2023-01-05T16:43:00Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I walked into my wife’s room and told a joke. > > It was so good, even the closet laughed. I’m dense and tired today. Explain please?? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2023, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2874 "2023-01-05T16:43:57Z")
There was someone in the closet. Assumedly, the wife’s lover. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2023, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2875 "2023-01-05T17:16:10Z")
Sou desu ka, arigato. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2023, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2876 "2023-01-05T17:30:08Z")
Sounds to me like that should be in the Nerdy, Geeky Jokes thread ! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2023, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2877 "2023-01-06T14:46:52Z")
### I can’t see why Jesus would have a problem with Trans people… After all, He identifies as Bread. * * * ### A husband and wife wake up one morning, and when the man leans over to kiss his wife, she yells in his face: “Don’t touch me! I’m dead.” “What are you talking about?” the husband asks. “We’re both lying in bed. You can’t be dead.” “I must be dead,” the wife responds, “because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!" * * * ### A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?” “Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2023, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2878 "2023-01-06T14:51:47Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I can’t see why Jesus would have a problem with Trans people… > > After all, He identifies as Bread. He’s trans substantiated. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2023, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2879 "2023-01-06T14:57:55Z")
[applause] ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2023, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2880 "2023-01-06T15:41:12Z")
Here’s one I came up with today (though I doubt it’s original to me): What do you call a lace cloth that only works for 8 hours? Doily Parton ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2023, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2881 "2023-01-06T16:23:00Z")
Or perhaps trans acting or trans parent? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2023, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2882 "2023-01-06T16:27:59Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. > > Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?” > “Really?” he said. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?” Similar old joke about U2: at a concert, Bono stopped the music, hushed the crowd, and then began clapping, once every two seconds. CLAP. CLAP. CLAP. “Every time I clap,” he said, CLAP “A child dies of poverty in Africa.” CLAP CLAP Someone in the audience yelled, “Stop clapping, asshole!” ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2023, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2883 "2023-01-06T16:56:52Z")
Bob Hope goes to see a plastic surgeon and says “Hey, I need your help for a gag in my new show. Can you attach some false teeth to my chest?” “Of course,” the surgeon replies, “Fangs for the mammaries”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2023, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2884 "2023-01-07T17:04:59Z")
### My son asked me, “Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge?” I smiled and said, “Sure…" "But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.” * * * ### What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine? I can’t believe it’s not Buddha. * * * ### For sale: George Foreman grill set and Mohammad Ali DVDs. Both boxed. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2023, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2885 "2023-01-08T13:47:05Z")
### Republicans in Congress have proposed a bill to ban the sale of shredded cheese in supermarkets across the country They want to Make America Grate Again. * * * ### What do you call hookers in the winter? Frostitutes * * * ### My friend is a Magician & a Chef. The food is TA! DA! for. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2023, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2886 "2023-01-08T13:50:54Z")
I can swallow two pieces of string and several hours later they will come out tied together. I shit you knot. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2023, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2887 "2023-01-08T13:56:48Z")
Love it! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2023, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2888 "2023-01-09T03:51:09Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_98,w_100,c_scale/v200/4bf9b855a98cd607af3e1a1242c06d3b) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_98,w_100,c_scale/v200/4bf9b855a98cd607af3e1a1242c06d3b) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2023, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2889 "2023-01-09T03:52:43Z")
Flat tire paw on sled team. [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_100,w_69,c_scale/v200/3c31989a2804c14e13568223a2346856) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_100,w_69,c_scale/v200/3c31989a2804c14e13568223a2346856) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2023, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2890 "2023-01-09T13:12:41Z")
### My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter. * * * ### My balloon elephant wouldn’t fit in the back seat of my car so… I had to pop the trunk. * * * ### What do you call a person with no nose and no body ? Nobody knows. ---
**Author:** ![SoToasty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sotoasty/32/2803_2.png) [@SoToasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoToasty)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2023, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2891 "2023-01-09T13:44:27Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What do you call a person with no nose and no body ? > > Nobody knows. Shouldn’t that be a person with a face that is mostly Nose and no body. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=143) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=145)