# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 148
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2023, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2952 "2023-01-24T13:37:53Z")
The police are looking for a man with one eye called Frank. They don’t know the name of his other eye. Hangman: Any last requests? Man about to be executed: I’ll take a Shamrock Shake and a McRib. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2023, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2953 "2023-01-24T15:22:04Z")
### A kid tells his teacher “You only teach useless crap!” She replies “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” * * * ### My friend claims that understanding a Fibonacci sequence is hard, but I disagree. It’s as easy as 1, 1, 2, 3. * * * ### I like my women like I like my coffee: Strong and valued in the work place. * * * ### What do you call a snail aboard a ship? A snailor. * * * ### A cowboy opens up a German car dealership: Audi Partner ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2023, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2954 "2023-01-24T15:46:13Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### Sergeant: Private! > > > > Private: Yes, sir. > > Sergeant: You failed to show up for camouflage class yesterday. > > Private: How do you know that, sir? > > I would humbly suggest a replacement last line (not made up by me, this is how I remember the joke): > > Private: Thank you, sir! How about the following: **Sergeant** : Private, why didn’t I see you in camouflage class? **Private** : I thought that was the point. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2023, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2955 "2023-01-24T16:14:28Z")
I wore camo to my doctor’s office. The receptionist said, “the doctor cannot see you today.” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2956 "2023-01-25T00:46:18Z")
Many years ago there was a discussion in New Scientist of camouflage in the natural world. Someone wrote in to ask “If it works so well, why aren’t there green sheep?”. To which the reply came the next week “Maybe there are …”. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2957 "2023-01-25T01:22:56Z")
I’m sure everyone has seen (or I suppose, failed to see) this classic image: [![](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/543814b1e4b0be6645f43eef/1579287815180-6Z027UF2N6A376V4ABEX/ocp+couch.jpg?format=1000w) ](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/543814b1e4b0be6645f43eef/1579287815180-6Z027UF2N6A376V4ABEX/ocp+couch.jpg?format=1000w) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2958 "2023-01-25T11:33:42Z")
He needs to bring that couch with him into battle. mmm ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2959 "2023-01-25T12:14:23Z")
What couch ? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2960 "2023-01-25T12:17:25Z")
As a commander of an insect army, I am in bad shape. My feet have been damaged by frostbite and my soldiers are too short. I lack toes and taller ants. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2961 "2023-01-25T14:21:55Z")
### Vampires don’t cast reflections in mirrors. All telescopes use mirrors. We could be surrounded by space vampires at this very moment. * * * ### A book fell on my head today: I only have my shelf to blame. * * * ### Did you see the update to the sperm whale Wikipedia page? [Cetacean needed] * * * ### A mobius strip walks into a bar looking pretty sad. Bartender asks, "What’s wrong? Mobius strip replies, “Where do I start?” * * * ### Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid becoming a side. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2962 "2023-01-25T17:35:42Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Did you see the update to the sperm whale Wikipedia page? > > [Cetacean needed] That actually happened, on [List of cetaceans - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cetaceans). There was a wiki debate on whether to leave it that way, the whimsy side won out. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2963 "2023-01-25T18:05:59Z")
Still there, actually, where a picture of a cetacean is needed. Funny stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2023, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2964 "2023-01-25T23:57:33Z")
Ceci n’est pas un cetacean. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2023, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2965 "2023-01-26T02:23:55Z")
A White Sports Coat and a Pink Crustacean ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2023, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2966 "2023-01-26T09:16:42Z")
Q. Which crustacean can you find in London? A. King’s Crustacean. “King’s Cross Station”, for those without the reference ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2023, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2967 "2023-01-26T12:42:11Z")
### Have you seen my crustacean girlfriend? I lobster. * * * ### Why was the teenage crustacean upset? He couldn’t find a date for his high school prawn. * * * ### What’s saltier than a tuNa? A barNaCle * * * ### How do seahorses get around? They scallop * * * ### A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions. I assured him that paper would be much easier. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2023, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2968 "2023-01-26T12:47:26Z")
I brought my goldfish to a seafood restaurant and asked if they serve fish cakes. They said no. I said “but it’s his birthday!” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2023, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2969 "2023-01-26T20:36:47Z")
### Chuck Norris, as a joke, once urinated into the gas tank of a pickup truck. Today, that truck is Optimus Prime. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2023, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2970 "2023-01-26T20:43:16Z")
Doctor: Why do you have a fried egg on your head? Patient: Because the boiled eggs keep rolling off. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2023, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/2971 "2023-01-27T19:41:52Z")
### Today I taught my son a valuable life lesson by eating his homework. Tomorrow he will learn that many people will not believe you, even when you tell the truth. * * * ### What do you call a three-foot long aardvark? A yardvark * * * ### I know a girl who is only attracted to Canadians. She’s Eh’-sexual. * * * ### I was reading the dictionary in bed last night, but I didn’t finish it. I got up to ‘P’. * * * ### Grandpa to his grandson: "The problem with your generation is that you don’t like to work hard and pull yourself up by the bootstraps like my generation did!" Grandson: “You guys could afford to buy boots?” * * * ### Guys, I’m just in the middle of a huge argument with my wife and she just told me I’m right… What do I do next? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=147) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=149)