# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 154
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3072 "2023-02-24T15:03:11Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Why did the chicken cross the playground? > > To get to the other slide. Funnily enough, that joke popped into my head just last night. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3073 "2023-02-24T15:23:54Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I went to a zoo, but they only had one animal, a small dog. > It was a shih tzu. That reminds me of an old Jay Leno joke from the early 90s. He was talking about the Atlanta Zoo, which had a reputation for being a really crappy zoo, and he said something like “It’s basically just dogs in cages.” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3074 "2023-02-24T15:30:00Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > It’s a pun croc band. For real, though, if you can think of a short bit of relevant wordplay that I can write on the strap on my cheap sandal-like footwear, I’ll be so pleased. Folks will groan at the joke written there, and I can tell them it’s my pun Croc band. Sole Music? Siouxsie Shoe? Help me out here. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3075 "2023-02-24T16:48:36Z")
Barry Maniloafer ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3076 "2023-02-24T17:25:39Z")
Either you have international subscriptions to Readers Digest or have won Dad Joker of the Year on multiple occasions. Thanks for your efforts. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3077 "2023-02-24T18:19:12Z")
Danke Shoe-n. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2023, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3078 "2023-02-24T18:31:00Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Sole Music? > Siouxsie Shoe? > > Help me out here. Okay, you asked. Toe Re Mi Jam Up The Pumps Hip-Hop Flip-Flops Sock Around The Clock Boots Gandalf Lace Of Base Chopin Chopine Moccasins Of The Father Tempo Saboto La-di-da Adidas ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2023, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3079 "2023-02-25T14:08:00Z")
### I found a wooden shoe in my toilet. It was clogged. * * * ### I’m sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don’t have potted geraniums…… Could you use African violets instead?" Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.” * * * ### Why can’t Christians do trigonometry? Because Jesus has taken away their sin. * * * ### A man walks into a bakery, points to some bread and asks… Man: ‘Is this Gluten free?’ Cashier: “No. It costs $4.50” * * * ### The mechanic went to sleep under the car… because he had to wake up oily. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2023, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3080 "2023-02-25T19:00:11Z")
**Where does the Lone Ranger go on payday?** _To the bank, to the bank, to the bank bank bank!_ **What does the Lone Ranger like about burlesque shows?** _Titty rump, titty rump, titty rump rump rump!_ **Where does the Lone Ranger take his rubbish?** _To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!_ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3081 "2023-02-26T15:06:10Z")
### Why did they fire the cab driver? Passengers didn’t like it when he went the extra mile. * * * ### What kind of clothes do clouds wear? Thunderpants * * * ### Does February March? No, but April May. * * * ### What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man, breathe!” * * * ### Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. A Russian truck driver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truck driver rolls down his window and asks, “What’s going on?” Policeman: “A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He’s demanding 10 million rubles, or he’ll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we’re asking drivers for donations.” Driver: “Oh, okay. How much do people donate on average?” Policeman: “About a gallon.” ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3082 "2023-02-26T17:29:07Z")
This week’s best sellers at the bookshops: “How to Write Big Books” by Warren Peace. “The Art of Archery” by Bow N. Arrow. “Irish Heart Surgery” by Angie O’Plasty. “Desert Crossing” by I. Rhoda Camel. “School Truancy” by Marcus Absent. “I Was a Cloakroom Attendant” by Mahatma Coate. “The Philippine Post Office” by Imellda Letter. “Stop Arguing” by Xavier Breath. “How to Play a Stringed Instrument” by Amanda Lynn. “The Long Walk Home” by Miss D. Bus. “The Russian Circumcision” by Al Kutchakokoff. “How to Get Out of Chairs” by Stan Dupp. “A History of Nuclear Weapons” by Adam Baum. “The Russian Stripper” by Oliver Klohssov. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3083 "2023-02-26T18:13:19Z")
Its A Long Fall, by Eileen Dover. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3084 "2023-02-26T18:50:29Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > “The Russian Stripper” by Oliver Klohssov. **Oliver Klosov** is a username I proposed in a thread years ago. (FWIW, I post elsewhere as **Roger Roundley**.) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2023, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3085 "2023-02-27T13:02:21Z")
### What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel. * * * ### What is it that you can serve but never eat? A volleyball * * * ### I got into Harvard!!! I don’t know why people say it’s tough to do; they don’t even lock the doors. * * * ### Sometimes February feels like it will last forever… But time Marches on. * * * ### What did Batman do when he went shopping? Got ham. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2023, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3086 "2023-02-27T23:02:15Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > Marriage isn’t a word, it’s a sentence. Speak for yourself. I’ve been married for almost 17 years and didn’t regret it a single day. That single day was march 3rd 2009. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2023, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3087 "2023-02-28T16:40:00Z")
Happy upcoming anniversary, Buck! ### Do you agree to be her wedded husband for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do you part? - yes, no, yes, no, no, yes, no. * * * ### I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet. No wonder my water bill is so high. * * * ### As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump… I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I’m not going out because of one. * * * ### Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled? His toga size went from L to XL. * * * ### Why was the baby jalapeno shivering? He was a little chili. ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2023, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3088 "2023-02-28T17:52:51Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump… > > I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I’m not going out because of one. I did a spit take on that one. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2023, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3089 "2023-03-01T18:46:30Z")
### Why is March through May the best time of the month to buy a mattresses? It’s when they are the most springy. * * * ### If you are planning to settle down, don’t marry a soccer player: there’s only 1 in 11 chance that they’re a keeper. * * * ### What happens when you cross an angry cow with a mad sheep? You get two animals who are in a _baaaaad moooood_. * * * ### 6 was scared of 7 because 7 8 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because he knew you have to eat 3 squared meals a day. * * * ### I went to a Halloween party dressed only in my boxers: I was dressed as a Premature Ejaculation. I came in my shorts. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2023, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3090 "2023-03-01T21:22:55Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I went to a Halloween party dressed only in **A couple are getting ready for a costume party.** The woman comes out of the kitchen wearing only a lemon over her vagina. The guy says, ‘Perfect!’ and goes to the kitchen. He comes out nude, but for a potato over his penis. The woman says, ‘You are _not_ going to the party like _that!_’ The man says, 'Why not? If you can go as a sourpuss, I can go as a dictator! **A guy goes to a costume party completely naked except for a pair of roller skates.** He was a pull-toy. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2023, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3091 "2023-03-02T00:34:34Z")
There was a themed party where you had to come as an emotion. Two guys turn up are the door, naked. One has his dick in a pear, the other in a bowl of a yellow creamy substance. Asked what they were doing, the first guy says “I’m in dis pear!”, the second guys says “I’m fuckin’ dis custard!”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=153) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=155)