# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 170
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2023, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3392 "2023-05-08T13:36:26Z")
### Can a foxtrot? No, but a tin can. * * * ### Einstein dies and goes to heaven He is informed upon arrival that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it is the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others,” the doorman, Clyde, tells him. Einstein says that is perfectly fine and there isn’t any need for a big fuss. So, Clyde leads him to the dorm where Einstein is introduced to the current residents. “Well, here is your first roommate, he has an IQ of 180!” “Why that’s splendid!” exclaims Einstein, “we can discuss literature!” “And here is you second roommate, she has an IQ of 150!” “What fun!” exclaims Einstein, “we can discuss mathematics!” “Meet your third roommate, his IQ is 100!” “Jolly good!” exclaims Einstein, “we can discuss the latest plays showing at the theatre!” Just then another gentleman comes up to greet Einstein and shake his hand, “I’m your last roommate, and I wanted to apologize in advance, my IQ is only 80.” Einstein smiles back at him and inquires, “So, where do you think interest rates are headed?” * * * ### Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature… For them, everything is just black and white. * * * ### After my cat lost his tail, I took him to Walmart.. They’re the biggest retailer I know. * * * ### Mike and Pete are reading headstones at a nearby cemetery. Mike says," Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!" Pete says, “What’s his name?” Mike replies, “Miles, from London.” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2023, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3393 "2023-05-08T13:42:13Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > What’s the worst thing Willie Nelson can say to you while you’re having sex with him? > > “I’m not actually Willie Nelson.” I even Googled the punchline and I still don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2023, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3394 "2023-05-08T13:44:49Z")
I took it to be the only reason someone would have sex with a 90 year old guy was that he was famous. If he’s not Willie Nelson, then you’re just in bed with a 90 year old dude. Or is there more? ---
**Author:** ![Precambrianmollusc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/precambrianmollusc/32/63_2.png) [@Precambrianmollusc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Precambrianmollusc)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2023, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3395 "2023-05-08T14:30:25Z")
A Priest, an Imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank together to donate blood. The nurse asked them if they know what their blood types are. The Priest says “I think I am type A” The Iman says “I think I am AB” The Rabbit says “ I think I am a Typo” ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2023, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3396 "2023-05-08T19:50:19Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Can a foxtrot? > > No, but a tin can. Surely a can can? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3397 "2023-05-09T11:46:16Z")
A man decides to start a cranberry juice company. He has everything in place except for the name of the company. His partner suggests that, because he had done all the hard work, he should name it after himself. No, says the man, that would be arrogant. The partner then suggests that he could still somehow work his name into the company name, but maybe code it so it would not be so obvious. The boss says, “you mean, like use Pig Latin or something?” The partner replies, “Yes, Mr. Sprochen.” (written by Penn Jillett and told on his podcast) ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3398 "2023-05-09T11:49:13Z")
You’re going to have to explain that one ! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3399 "2023-05-09T11:58:06Z")
“Ocean Spray” ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3400 "2023-05-09T12:54:36Z")
Ahh… finally i get it. Pig Latin… yes. Very good. It didn’t help that i assumed Sprochen would be pronounced as “Sprokken”. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3401 "2023-05-09T13:37:02Z")
> [@Precambrianmollusc](#): > > A Priest, an Imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank together to donate blood. The nurse asked them if they know what their blood types are. > The Priest says “I think I am type A” > The Iman says “I think I am AB” > The Rabbit says “ I think I am a Typo” I really miss my uncle. He died after being in a car accident-- nobody knew his blood type, so he died of blood loss at the hospital. But he was relentlessly upbeat right to the end-- his last words were “be positive!”. – Jack Handey (I’m pretty sure) I think I may have already posted this joke here but am too lazy to look it up 😏 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3402 "2023-05-09T14:45:41Z")
### Why is Texas called the Lone Star state? Because you can’t have a zero-star rating. * * * ### Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast. * * * ### How can you tell when a moth farts? They suddenly fly in a straight line. * * * ### Why did Jesus cross the road? He came back from the other side. * * * ### My pastor always says “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. I found a solution though. Eve and Steve just need to take a turn together! That would make it Eve 'n Steven. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3403 "2023-05-09T18:20:05Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Why is Texas called the Lone Star state? > > Because you can’t have a zero-star rating. Bravo! I am immediately sending this to all my friends. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2023, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3404 "2023-05-09T23:16:27Z")
Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his friend Gregory Peck. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2023, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3405 "2023-05-10T13:52:54Z")
### Why did Bilbo Baggins live so long? Old hobbits die hard. * * * ### I saw a poor old lady fall down a flight of stairs and hurt herself. I assume she was poor; she only had $1.50 in her purse. * * * ### What do you call a lizard that doesn’t work? A reptile dysfunction. * * * ### I haven’t sold a single copy of my autobiography. That’s the story of my life. * * * ### When you pull the pin out of a hand grenade, how do you put it back? Urgent and quick answers, ple ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2023, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3406 "2023-05-10T14:05:39Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Why did Bilbo Baggins live so long? > > Old hobbits die hard. I think I’m gonna tell people that Bruce Willis is starring as Bilbo Baggins in a fantasy action movie with that title. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2023, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3407 "2023-05-10T15:25:03Z")
**I always keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.** It reminds me why I don’t have any money in there. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2023, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3408 "2023-05-11T12:59:40Z")
### Can a ninja throw a throwing star? Sure-he-can. * * * ### I was on a blind date with a woman, and during our dinner conversation… …she said, “You know, I used to be a Christian.” I told her that was fine, it really didn’t matter to me. She said, “Good. Because I’m much more comfortable as a Christine.” * * * ### Sometimes I just absolutely need a drink before dinner. It’s an imperitif. * * * ### What’s it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross Crop yield * * * ### To raise a philosopher, instead of maintaining their belief that Santa is real, explain to the child they are not real instead. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3409 "2023-05-12T13:35:05Z")
### I want my bank to treat me the same way women do. 0% interest rate. * * * ### A man walks into an Arab. He says, “Sorry, I’m dyslexic.” * * * ### I used to date a girl name Sue Denim. Turned out she isn’t who she said she is. * * * ### I used to play around with time machines… …when I was older. * * * ### I’m being sued by an orphanage over making their website. There’s no home page. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2023, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3410 "2023-05-12T14:04:35Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I want my bank to treat me the same way women do. > > 0% interest rate. And no penalty for early withdrawal. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2023, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3411 "2023-05-13T02:24:30Z")
**Why do French people eat snails?** They don’t like fast food. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=169) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=171)