# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 184
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2023, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3672 "2023-07-23T13:28:25Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What’s the definition of a minor second? > > Two flutes playing in unison. I am not picking up the tune on this one. Can anybody give me a key to getting it? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2023, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3673 "2023-07-23T14:38:32Z")
**Did you hear about the remake of Akira Kurosawa’s _Ran_?** _Also Ran_ (Yes, I know the different pronunciations of ‘a’.) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2023, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3674 "2023-07-23T14:55:55Z")
> [@solost](#): > > I am not picking up the tune on this one. Can anybody give me a key to getting it? Well, according to friends of mine who’ve played in orchestras, one tuned flute is not quite the same as another, unless you’re playing in a more prestigious ensemble. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2023, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3675 "2023-07-23T15:52:51Z")
I see, thanks! ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2023, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3676 "2023-07-23T16:48:47Z")
A minor second is a scale interval equivalent to one semi-tone. They’re supposed to be playing the same note, but they’re not. ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2023, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3677 "2023-07-23T20:18:12Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Why do ants dance on the lids of jam jars? Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? It was pissed off. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2023, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3678 "2023-07-23T21:29:50Z")
I was cleaning out my attic, and found a painting and a violin. I took them to a local auction house for an appraisal, and it turns out i have a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius !!! Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3679 "2023-07-24T13:13:40Z")
### With Twitter being re-branded to “X” What do we call tweets after the change? Excretions. * * * ### What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod. * * * ### A guy is talking to his friend. He says "I got my IQ tested and got a 70, that makes me a genius. " Friend says "70 doesn’t mean you’re a genius. " Guy says “you sound like that idiot at the testing center.” * * * ### There’s a new documentary planned about flying. They’re filming the pilot now. * * * ### My wife asked me why I never buy her flowers. I told her, “You sell flowers?” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3680 "2023-07-24T13:27:37Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What did the fisherman say to the magician? > > Pick a cod, any cod. A gourmand committed to trying every variety of seafood. He traveled to a coastal city, flagged down a cab, and hopped in the back seat. “Where to?” the cabbie asked. “Take me somewhere I can get scrod!” “Buddy,” the cabbie said, “I been asked that question a lot of times, in a lot of ways. But you’re the first person who’s ever asked me in the pluperfect subjunctive.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3681 "2023-07-24T13:45:22Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I told her, “You sell flowers?” Shouldn’t that be, ‘Your wife sells flowers?’ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3682 "2023-07-24T16:02:17Z")
Uh, no. My wife is asking why I never buy her any flowers from any flower vendor. I am responding as if she was asking why I do not buy any of the flowers she sells. Pronoun trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3683 "2023-07-24T16:09:06Z")
But in the situation where you’re responding to your wife, the pronoun trouble wouldn’t occur, because she wouldn’t say “Why don’t you ever buy her flowers?”; she’d say “Why don’t you ever buy me flowers”. Which is only ambiguous in pirate dialect. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3684 "2023-07-24T16:09:21Z")
Wife: ‘Why do you never buy her flowers?’ The wife would say, ‘Why do never buy **me** flowers?’ Unless you’re using the Irish ‘me’, for ‘my’? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3685 "2023-07-24T16:11:17Z")
Sigh. The target of the play on words is the listener, not the wife. Don’t overthink it. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3686 "2023-07-24T16:25:37Z")
Joke vanquished! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3687 "2023-07-24T16:58:19Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Shouldn’t that be, ‘Your wife sells flowers?’ This is the correct response. Not overthinking, merely thinking. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3688 "2023-07-24T19:04:11Z")
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3689 "2023-07-24T22:04:05Z")
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3690 "2023-07-24T22:14:10Z")
I think the Holocaust is probably worse than that, too. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2023, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3691 "2023-07-24T22:19:38Z")
A bee stung a guy’s penis. The guy goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you get rid of the pain… but keep the swelling?’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=183) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=185)