# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 195
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2023, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3892 "2023-09-16T23:20:03Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What happened when Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants? > > He got a mountain range that never forgets. I heard that one as “None of the offspring survived”. What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a tsetse fly? Nothing; you can’t cross a scalar and a vector ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2023, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3893 "2023-09-16T23:34:25Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a tsetse fly? > > Nothing; you can’t cross a scalar and a vector How do you make a polar bear? Take a rectangular bear and transform the coordinates. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2023, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3894 "2023-09-17T02:47:40Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_75,w_100,c_scale/v200/4582b0d60e92863a5c3499a7796fe95c) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_75,w_100,c_scale/v200/4582b0d60e92863a5c3499a7796fe95c) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2023, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3895 "2023-09-17T12:27:40Z")
[Just a note or two 🎶 - Monday is National Cheeseburger Day; most of the major chains are selling burgers for under a buck; Tuesday is Talk Like A Pirate Day.] ### A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.” * * * ### What makes Jackie Chan ill ever winter? Kung flu. * * * ### How did Minnie save Mickey Mouse from drowning? She gave him mouse-to-mouse resuscitation. * * * ### Would Little Miss Muffet share her curds? No whey. * * * ### The doctor says, “I have good news and I have bad news.” The patient asks, “Well, what’s the bad news?” The doctor replies, “You have only a month to live.” The patient asks, “Oh, no, but, what’s the good news?” The doctor smiles and answers, “I won the lottery!” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2023, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3896 "2023-09-17T16:43:06Z")
I once dated a woman who had the same name as my grandma. It got awkward because every time she and I fooled around, I would think of my girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![phs3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phs3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phs3)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3897 "2023-09-18T04:28:06Z")
I heard this one in the 70s, if that helps date it. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3898 "2023-09-18T13:25:11Z")
It’s National Cheeseburger Day! ### Give a man a cheeseburger, he eats for one day. Teach a man to cheeseburger; I’m high as hell. * * * ### How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One, if no one’s looking. * * * ### A frog goes into a fast food restaurant and orders a cheeseburger. The cashier says, “Yes, sir, and would you like flies with that?” * * * ### I was recently fired from Burger King for helping myself to too many cheeseburgers. I guess I misunderstood when they said there was potential for growth. * * * ### What do you call a cheeseburger on the move? A slider. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3899 "2023-09-18T13:32:09Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Give a man a cheeseburger, he eats for one day. > > Teach a man to cheeseburger; I’m high as hell. I laughed at this far more than it warranted. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3900 "2023-09-18T14:13:12Z")
**I washed the car with my son yesterday.** He said “Dad, next time can we just use a sponge?” (ETA: I was originally going to reply to a joke by Prof.P and changed my mind; in case there’s any confusion as to why I’m doing that. Doesn’t look like I can edit out the reply part) ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3901 "2023-09-18T15:00:17Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Teach a man to cheeseburger; I’m high as hell. I don’t get it and google is no help. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3902 "2023-09-18T15:03:47Z")
The joke is that although there’s a classic setup, the punchline makes no sense (because the jokester is high). It’s along the same lines as the “How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish!” joke. I love this type of humor, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3903 "2023-09-18T15:07:11Z")
Ah. Thanks for explanation. I did get, and did laugh at, the surrealists joke; but didn’t recognize this as being the same type, probably because I assumed there was some meaning of “to cheeseburger” that I didn’t know. It read like one of those things that has a slang meaning. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3904 "2023-09-18T15:46:42Z")
I don’t know how much you partake of marijuana, but when you’re together with friends passing around the pipe, you lose track of topics and non-sequiturs are common. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3905 "2023-09-18T15:59:59Z")
> [@InternetLegend](#): > > The joke is that although there’s a classic setup, the punchline makes no sense (because the jokester is high). It’s also a bit of a play on language, because in the original saying it’s based on, ‘fish’ can be used as a noun _ **or** _ a verb-- “give a fish / teach to fish”, but cheeseburger can’t be used as a verb, unless you’re high or something. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3906 "2023-09-18T16:15:39Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > I don’t know how much you partake of marijuana, but when you’re together with friends passing around the pipe, you lose track of topics and non-sequiturs are common. Brisket of hand! (It was hilarious 40 years ago.) ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3907 "2023-09-18T17:42:15Z")
> [@solost](#): > > cheeseburger can’t be used as a verb See, that’s what I didn’t know – whether there’s some slang sense of “cheeseburger” which does use it as a verb. Which is something that might have been invented while stoned – ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3908 "2023-09-18T17:50:33Z")
‘Cheeseburger me, bro!’ [Hands guy a cheeseburger.] ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3909 "2023-09-18T17:56:03Z")
> [@solost](#): > > cheeseburger can’t be used as a verb > [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > ‘Cheeseburger me, bro!’ > > [Hands guy a cheeseburger.] I humbly stand corrected. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3910 "2023-09-18T18:33:18Z")
(I just made it up.) ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2023, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/3911 "2023-09-18T19:03:16Z")
Well, I have to I (brisket of) hand it to you-- you created a brand new verb! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=194) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=196)