# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 206
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2023, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4112 "2023-11-29T20:01:10Z")
**Where did the Special Makeup Effects artist keep his collection of noses?** In a snootcase. Yes, I just made that one up. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2023, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4113 "2023-11-29T20:38:41Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > **Where did the Special Makeup Effects artist keep his collection of noses?** > > In a snootcase. > Yes, I just made that one up. I like it! mmm ETA: I suppose he also had a handbag and a footlocker? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2023, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4114 "2023-11-29T21:45:15Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I like it! My wife was showing me a set of suitcases she wants to buy. It just popped into my head. > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I suppose he also had a handbag and a footlocker? Could be. I think he does have an armory. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2023, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4115 "2023-11-29T22:25:13Z")
Which he keeps in his chest. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2023, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4116 "2023-11-30T00:48:35Z")
**Random thought…** Do we get margarine from the same place we get faux leather? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2023, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4117 "2023-11-30T01:23:23Z")
By skinning nagas? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2023, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4118 "2023-11-30T03:27:35Z")
**Are Academy students going to the Space Force called… Space Cadets?** ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2023, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4119 "2023-11-30T14:14:54Z")
### Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it’s the scenter. * * * ### On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, “Is this normal?” He said, “Not during a written exam, no.” * * * ### Why didn’t the snowman answer the question? He didn’t snow the answer. * * * ### Marvel’s greatest villain is Thanos. DC’s greatest villain… …is Rotten Tomatoes. * * * ### Which monster is best at paying attention to a speech? Mummies. They sit there rapt. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4120 "2023-12-01T03:29:26Z")
**I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.** He’s a Singer/songwriter. Or sew it seems. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGauss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karlgauss/32/3713_2.png) [@KarlGauss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGauss)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4121 "2023-12-01T03:41:35Z")
Or sew it seams. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4122 "2023-12-01T12:01:48Z")
I love this thread. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2023, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4123 "2023-12-01T22:20:41Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Why is your nose in the middle of your face? > > Because it’s the scenter. If there is a God, he can’t be very bright - who thought it would be a good idea to put a wet, drippy thing like a nose upside down over your mouth? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4124 "2023-12-02T14:41:37Z")
> [@Dogginit](#): > > If there is a God, he can’t be very bright - who thought it would be a good idea to put a wet, drippy thing like a nose upside down over your mouth? - Reminds me of the old joke that goes something like: If there is a God, he must not be a civil engineer - who thought it would be a good idea to put a recreational area right next to a sewage outlet? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4125 "2023-12-02T14:43:59Z")
### Why was the teacher covered in mustard? Because she was a sub. * * * ### Maybe I put too much mustard on my cheeseburger. In Heinz sight, I should have added more ketchup. * * * ### My wife doesn’t know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have sex. This is all I’m spending for her Christmas present. Looks like she’s getting a McChicken. * * * ### Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll. My lame joke: > “Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys.” Wife looks down at her chest: > “Well now I feel self-conscious… Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?” Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red. * * * ### Wife: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas Me: _sipping toast_ Why? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4126 "2023-12-02T16:06:14Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. I’m not sure of the significance of the neighbour being German. Is this a joke, or an anecdote? Anyway… Since the 1980s I’ve cooked the turkey in a roasting bag. One year I went to my mom’s for Thanksgiving. She knew how I cooked turkeys, so she thought she’d give it a try. This was her first time using a bag, end she got the turkey in upside-down. The breast was not browned at all, but it sure was moist and delicious! ---
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4127 "2023-12-02T16:55:28Z")
> [@solost](#): > > If there is a God, he must not be a civil engineer - who thought it would be a good idea to put a recreational area right next to a sewage outlet? I almost posted that corollary 😆 ---
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4128 "2023-12-02T16:58:11Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > My wife doesn’t know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have sex. This is all I’m spending for her Christmas present. One day the husband was snooping, and found $285.25 cents in his wife’s underwear drawer. He confronted her that evening, and she admitted to hooking on the side to help make ends meet. He asked who gave her the 25 cents, she replied “Everybody!” ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2023, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4129 "2023-12-02T23:01:51Z")
More on noses… If your nose runs, and your feet smell - you’re built upside down. Q: What do you do when your nose goes on strike? A: Picket. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4130 "2023-12-03T02:11:05Z")
How did Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog. I store my drugs right under my nose. It’s my stash. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4131 "2023-12-03T07:44:39Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. > > I’m not sure of the significance of the neighbour being German. Is this a joke, or an anecdote? Anyway… > > Since the 1980s I’ve cooked the turkey in a roasting bag. One year I went to my mom’s for Thanksgiving. She knew how I cooked turkeys, so she thought she’d give it a try. This was her first time using a bag, end she got the turkey in upside-down. The breast was not browned at all, but it sure was moist and delicious! That’s the only way I’ll roast a turkey any more. I do turn it over for the last half hour or so. Total PITA to manage, but so worth the trouble. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=205) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=207)