# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 207
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4132 "2023-12-03T08:27:06Z")
And because this is a joke thread (that is, a thread for us to share jokes in): I saw my neighbor in the parking lot at Wal\*Mart the other day. He was loading a huge box into his car. “Whatcha got there, Stu?” I asked him (I call him “Stu,” even though he told me his name is Stuart. He also told me he doesn’t like being called Stuart, so I call him Stu. I tried calling him “Stewart” for a while, but he didn’t like that either. So “Stu” it is. But I digress). “Oh, I just bought this ten-foot artificial tree in the Wal\*Mart.” he answered. “Huh.” I grunted. “That’s a pretty big tree. Are you going to put it up yourself?” “No, I was thinking the living room.” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4133 "2023-12-03T08:27:31Z")
One my ex came up with … this one’s for the pet owners out there. Does your dog/cat like to follow you into the bathroom and stare at you while you’re sitting there, like they’re supervising your pooping process? … that makes them your poopervisor. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4134 "2023-12-03T12:51:31Z")
Well, it turns out I have pneumonia (no joke), so I won’t be around for the next few days. Keep on postin’ the jokes! ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4135 "2023-12-03T13:05:18Z")
I don’t get it (Seriously, feel better soon!) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4136 "2023-12-03T13:49:09Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Well, it turns out I have pneumonia (no joke), so I won’t be around for the next few days. > Keep on postin’ the jokes! Feel better, Prof! mmm ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4137 "2023-12-03T14:43:37Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Well, it turns out I have pneumonia I had [walking pneumonia](https://www.webmd.com/lung/walking-pneumonia) when I was 12. Ever since then, I can’t read or hear the word ‘pneumonia’ without thinking 🎶 _Walking Pneumonia, Walking Pneumonia! You’ll come a-walking, Pneumonia, with me…_🎶 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4138 "2023-12-03T14:50:55Z")
Whats the sickest piece of art? Pneumonia Lisa. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4139 "2023-12-03T18:26:30Z")
Why can’t you hear a pneumonia patient urinating? Because the ‘P’ is silent! ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4140 "2023-12-03T19:28:07Z")
In Australia, the town of [Parkes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkes,_New_South_Wales) has a giant radio telescope (and not much else). The local football team are known as the Spacemen, and the junior teams as the Space Cadets. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4141 "2023-12-03T22:13:21Z")
Get well soon, @Prof.Pepperwinkle! ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2023, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4142 "2023-12-03T22:54:56Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Well, it turns out I have pneumonia (no joke), so I won’t be around for the next few days. > Keep on postin’ the jokes! Well that sure warns me off from making that Necrotizing Fasciitis joke. Hope you recover from the neumonia quickly, Rof.Epperwinkle! ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2023, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4143 "2023-12-04T13:23:27Z")
Yeah, get well soon, Prof.P! * * * **My favorite part of the movie ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ is when George Bailey and his new bride Mary, happy as can be, move into the Old Granville House and make it a home. Pretty soon the pitter-patter of little feet can be heard…** …damn old place was crawling with rats. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2023, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4144 "2023-12-05T19:15:53Z")
The jokes on me! I don’t have pneumonia! I have COVID. But I’m getting better. Thanks for all your wishes. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2023, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4145 "2023-12-05T19:35:47Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > The jokes on me! I don’t have pneumonia! > > I have COVID. > > But I’m getting better. You could have both . . . But the important part is that you’re getting better. No joke, I’m glad to see that. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2023, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4146 "2023-12-05T19:51:49Z")
In honor of the Prof.: My sex life is like COVID-19. I don’t have COVID-19. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2023, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4147 "2023-12-05T20:42:08Z")
The World Health Organization has determined that canines cannot contract COVID and can be released from isolation. In other words, WHO let the dogs out. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2023, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4148 "2023-12-05T21:36:56Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > But I’m getting better. Please don’t start singing “I feel happy, I feel happy!” [Holy Grail](https://youtu.be/zEmfsmasjVA?feature=shared&t=68) ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2023, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4149 "2023-12-06T04:11:01Z")
[https://i.imgur.com/](https://i.imgur.com/) link broken TsepLuO.jpg ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2023, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4150 "2023-12-06T12:46:20Z")
Wife: I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad. Wife: No you’re not. xxxxxxxxxxx Doctor: So it looks like you’re pregnant. Patient: OMG! I’m pregnant? Doctor: No. it just looks like you’re pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2023, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4151 "2023-12-06T15:16:25Z")
Moderating: > [@wolfpup](#): > > [https://i.imgur.com/TsepLuO.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/TsepLuO.jpg) Please avoid racist jokes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=206) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=208)