# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 219
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2024, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4372 "2024-02-09T21:00:51Z")
A recent on the spot one I was actually quite pleased with myself over: We have a new doctor in my office. Joking around another partner about nine years younger than me shares how we spend enough time with each other that she thinks of herself as my “work wife”. I note to the new doctor that in her case and her age she’ll be more a work daughter, as I have two kids older and two kids younger than her … she’d be my median child but (doing quick head math) … not the mean girl. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2024, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4373 "2024-02-09T23:01:18Z")
Ha. Is she the mode? (Let’s go with “by gender”). ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2024, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4374 "2024-02-09T23:18:21Z")
I don’t think she even posts here, let alone acting as one of our modes … thankless job that. (Male is the most frequent gender.) ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2024, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4375 "2024-02-09T23:20:03Z")
Heh heh ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2024, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4376 "2024-02-10T14:11:34Z")
### My friend begged and pleaded with me to go spelunking with him. I finally caved. * * * ### What’s the worst thing Travis Kelce can hear before the Super Bowl? “Honey, listen, I wrote a song about you.” * * * ### When Bill Clinton plays hide-and-seek, where does he hide? Between the Bushes. * * * ### I met a girl. We aren’t dating or anything, but we always have breakfast together on Saturday. We call it “friends with Benedicts”. * * * ### An old man crossing the road gets hit by a car. An ambulance soon arrived, and the paramedic rushed up to see him. “Are you comfortable?” she asked. “Oh,” he replied, “I make a good living.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2024, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4377 "2024-02-10T15:16:20Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “Oh,” he replied, “I make a good living.” Heh. I’ve told that one twice in this thread! ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2024, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4378 "2024-02-10T18:28:13Z")
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery! Attempt at a joke: A man called me sincere, so I invited him to my place and beat the crap out of him, because invitation is the sincerest form of battery. OK, See ya Monday! ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2024, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4379 "2024-02-11T01:15:36Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### An old man crossing the road gets hit by a car. > > An ambulance soon arrived, and the paramedic rushed up to see him. > > “Are you comfortable?” she asked. > > “Oh,” he replied, “I make a good living.” I originally heard the punch line as “Well - I own a couple of dress shops”. ---
**Author:** ![bob\_2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_2/32/3341_2.png) [@bob\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_2)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2024, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4380 "2024-02-12T07:00:48Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “Osbert was wonderful, as you would expect, and Edith, of course, but then we had this lugubrious man in a suit, and he read a poem… I think it was called “The Desert”. And first the girls got the giggles and then I did and then even the King.” > -Queen Elizabeth II (the man was T. S. Eliot, the poem, _The Waste Land_) Sorry to correct the Prof, but this quote was from QE2’s Mum, Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon. “The Girls” were the future QE2 and her sister Margaret. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2024, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4381 "2024-02-12T15:15:31Z")
Huh. I copied that quote and its cite from a treasury of humorous quotations. Glad to see the cite corrected, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2024, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4382 "2024-02-12T15:22:05Z")
### I told my wife, “If I ever lose my mind to Alzheimer’s, just take me out in the woods and shoot me.” She replied, “You already told me that three times today.” * * * ### What’s the best tasting metal? Aluminum-num-num. Or Alumini-yum, if your British. * * * ### I say, I say, what do you call a fish who wears a bowtie? Sofishticated. * * * ### What bird would you want on your football team? A superb owl. * * * ### Who is the happiest singer? Smiley Cyrus. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2024, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4383 "2024-02-12T19:04:36Z")
New mixed dog breeds recently recognized by the AKC: Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by…oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Oh, never mind… ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2024, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4384 "2024-02-12T19:07:36Z")
Nice! I laughed at that. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2024, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4385 "2024-02-13T12:15:44Z")
Here’s one I just came up with. Did you hear about the wedding of Esme and Usher? The priest said “I pronouns you husband and wife”. Works best if you remember the poster who uses E, Es, and Em as Es pronouns. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2024, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4386 "2024-02-13T16:09:45Z")
### Did you hear about a photographer who only takes pics of girls at Mardi Gras? Guess you can say that he’s into Flash photography. * * * ### Why did the chicken cross the road during Mardi Gras? To get to the other parade! * * * ### Why does Mardi Gras serve as a reminder of how much inflation alters things? Beads used to buy you the island of 28. Manhattan, now you only get two coconuts. * * * ### Did you hear about the marriage between the girl from Dublin and the boy from New Orleans? It was quite the O’Cajun. * * * ### Why won’t you ever hear the song _Walking on Sunshine_ in New Orleans? For the locals, Katrina and the Waves was not a good time. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2024, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4387 "2024-02-14T12:38:58Z")
**Roses are red, violets are blue -** A face like yours belongs in the zoo. **Roses are red, violets are blue -** Some poems rhyme, this one doesn’t. **What did one pickle say to the other pickle?** I love you a great dill. **The definition of “endless love” -** Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2024, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4388 "2024-02-14T12:56:26Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > …the island of 28. Manhattan… I take it this joke continue on page 28 of its Reddit thread? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2024, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4389 "2024-02-14T14:43:50Z")
Oops. I really have to proofread more. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2024, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4390 "2024-02-14T14:47:49Z")
### I once fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels. Unfortunately, she didn’t know I existed. * * * ### When inmates fall in love… …do they finish each other’s sentences? * * * ### My wife fell in love with me again during Covid-19. I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome. * * * ### You know that tingly sensation you get when you fall in love with somebody? That’s common sense leaving your body. * * * ### Once I was almost in love with a psychic. She left me before we met. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2024, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4391 "2024-02-14T14:58:50Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Oops. I really have to proofread more. “27. Manhattan” would’ve been a lot funnier [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=218) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=220)