# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2021, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/425 "2021-07-12T02:02:10Z")
Since we’re on the topic… Q. How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb? A. Steven. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2021, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/426 "2021-07-13T20:57:19Z")
### My wife hates it when I quote old movies incorrectly But frankly, my dear, I don’t give a shit! * * * ### How did M.C. Escher die? He tripped and fell up the stairs ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/427 "2021-07-14T01:25:12Z")
I asked my wife if I were the only one she’s ever been with. She said, “yes, all the others were 9s or 10s.” ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/428 "2021-07-14T02:04:33Z")
What do you call 500 Apaches with no nipples? The Indian Nippleless 500. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/429 "2021-07-14T07:54:20Z")
The first issue had “_Tales from the Decameron_ (new translation of Boccaccio) by Norman Holland”. The Feb. 1965 issue had the “Ribald Classic: The Seduction of Cecilia (retold by Michael Laurence).” It was a story from _The Satyricon_, originally as between a man and a younger boy, but changing the boy to a young woman. The punch line was, in both cases, “Stop that or I’ll tell your father!” A “Ribald Classic” appeared occasionally. The latest on the first page of search results was from 1983. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/430 "2021-07-14T14:54:07Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? > > Husband: A trip to Paris. > > Wife: Wow! That’s wonderful! How about for our 50th? > > Husband: I’ll pick you back up. Love it! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/431 "2021-07-14T15:02:55Z")
### The definition of a perfectionist: someone who wants to go from point A to point A+. * * * ### A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter… Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, “Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage.” As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, “…and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?” “New Zealand, sir.” the boy replied. “Why did you leave New Zealand?” the manager asked. The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there.” “Is that right?” replied the manager. “My wife is from New Zealand!” “Really?” replied the boy. “Who did she play for?” * * * ### A man out shopping bought some new condoms. When he got home, his wife noticed the brand. “Olympic condoms? What makes them so special?” she asked. “There are three colors,” he replied. “Gold, silver and bronze.” “What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asked. “Gold, of course,” said the man. “Really?” she said. “Why don’t you wear silver—it would be nice if you came second for a change!” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Klutz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captain_klutz/32/4993_2.png) [@Captain\_Klutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Klutz)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/432 "2021-07-14T16:27:13Z")
What do you call a thousand million million million piccolos? A gigolo. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/433 "2021-07-14T17:35:16Z")
Q. What do you call a female pig? A. A sow. Q. What do you call a male deer? A. A buck. Q. What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A. One hundred sows and bucks. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/434 "2021-07-14T17:43:57Z")
A skunk, a doe, and a giraffe are walking through the woods, bored. They come to a clearing where there’s a new nightclub. They cheer. “Wait,” says the skunk, “I’ve only got a scent.” “I had a buck on me last night,” says the doe. “C’mon you two,” says the giraffe, “The highballs are on me.” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/435 "2021-07-14T18:15:24Z")
Two Dullards are hunting in a deep forest. They come upon a clearing, where a lovely young woman is sunning, naked. The first guy says, “Why, Hello there Little Lady! Would you care for some company?” She replies, “I’m game!” The second guy shot her. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/436 "2021-07-14T18:27:40Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > The second guy shot her. That’s the punchline I heard (though my version is first person). I made up a different punchline: ‘So I put a quarter in her slot and played her.’ ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/437 "2021-07-14T19:31:26Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? > > > > Husband: A trip to Paris. > > > > Wife: Wow! That’s wonderful! How about for our 50th? > > > > Husband: I’ll pick you back up. > > Love it! That reminds of the one where the guy comes home and says “Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!” The wife says “That’s great news! Where are we going? France? Spain? Italy?” The husband says “I don’t care where you go… just get the fuck out!” ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/438 "2021-07-14T21:40:19Z")
Where do you wash a Canadian Conservative? In the lav-a-tory ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/439 "2021-07-14T21:47:07Z")
What do you call a Canadian Liberal who tips over outhouses? John Turner. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/440 "2021-07-14T22:26:49Z")
What do you call a musical pay toilet? Johnny Cash. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/441 "2021-07-14T23:52:53Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > A. One hundred sows and bucks. Dammit. I’m trying really hard, but I’m just not getting this one. Lil’ help, please? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2021, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/442 "2021-07-14T23:56:06Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Dammit. I’m trying really hard, but I’m just not getting this one. Lil’ help, please? One hundred thousand bucks. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2021, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/443 "2021-07-15T00:02:26Z")
Ohhhhh. \< smack \> Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2021, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/444 "2021-07-15T04:00:51Z")
[This one needs to be read aloud] For Sigmund Freud, what came between Fear and Sex? Fünf. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=23)