# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 221
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2024, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4412 "2024-02-21T16:26:13Z")
### Can anyone tell me what FOMO means? Everyone else seems to know. * * * ### Why is “dark” spelled with a “k” instead of “c”? Because you can’t c in the dark. * * * ### How long does it take a widower cobbler before he’s ready to date again? At least long enough so he can heel. * * * ### Before they left the neighbors left me a spare key to feed the cat. Poor thing choked to death on it. * * * ### The leading cause of Divorce revealed! Marriage. 100% of divorced people were married first. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2024, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4413 "2024-02-22T16:22:12Z")
### What do Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln & JFK have in common? They became the change I see in the world. * * * ### I think my anime jigsaw puzzle was too simple. It was… …One Piece. * * * ### I’ve just been let go from my job at the hospital, shaving patients in preparation for spinal surgery. It’s due to all the cut backs. * * * ### Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom. * * * ### What did the skunk say when the wind changed direction? _“It’s all coming back to me now.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2024, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4414 "2024-02-22T16:32:43Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I’ve just been let go from my job at the hospital Maybe they can offer you a job putting wheels on miscarriages. ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2024, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4415 "2024-02-22T21:29:24Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### he leading cause of Divorce revealed! > > Marriage. 100% of divorced people were married first. 50% of marriages end in divorce. The remaining 50% end in death. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2024, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4416 "2024-02-23T17:21:41Z")
### A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light. For support, rather than illumination. * * * ### What do you call a hooker on a submarine? A substitute. * * * ### What do you call a woman with a frog on her head? Lily. * * * ### My friend drops French fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they’re easier to hold, so he switched but it’s still a problem. They’re dropping like fries. * * * ### Riddle me this: Why do we have Batman Shampoo but Conditioner Gordon isn’t a thing? ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2024, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4417 "2024-02-23T19:53:31Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light. > > For support, rather than illumination. That is an extremely good one. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2024, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4418 "2024-02-23T21:04:06Z")
Just helped my neighbour bury a rolled-up carpet in the woods. She said her husband would have done it but he is out of town. Good deed done for the day! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4419 "2024-02-24T14:11:54Z")
### I never understood why they called the cartoon show _Spongebob_. Patrick was clearly the star of the show. * * * ### I was at a restaurant and ordered a chicken sandwich… I complained when the waitress gave me an egg sandwich. She told me in Alabama they’re the same thing. * * * ### Why did the landlord visit a psychiatrist? He was developing an apartment complex. * * * ### How do you get a farm girl to marry you? First, a tractor. * * * ### I switched out all the labels in my mother’s spice rack. She hasn’t noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4420 "2024-02-24T14:35:13Z")
So, there’s a college math student, and one day, there’s a terrible snowstorm, but the college doesn’t close. So she goes to the effort to clean off her car and force her way through the nearly-impassable streets, and gets to her math class forty minutes late. The boards are all covered floor to ceiling with equations, and there’s only one other student in the entire lecture hall. She sits down next to the other student and asks “What’s he talking about?”. The other student answers “I don’t know, I only got here five minutes ago.” (called to mind because Thursday, in my last-period math class, only one student was present at the start of class) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4421 "2024-02-24T14:57:27Z")
I guess I’m mathematically challenged. I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4422 "2024-02-24T15:05:18Z")
It’s not really a math joke. It’s a joke about math professors. He started the lesson on time, even though nobody was there yet to learn from it. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4423 "2024-02-24T15:19:43Z")
I’ll admit it took me a moment to get the math joke. But I think that made it funnier to me. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4424 "2024-02-24T15:42:48Z")
I didn’t realise the professor was there. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4425 "2024-02-24T16:33:17Z")
Ah, yeah, I guess I left that detail implicit. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4426 "2024-02-24T21:41:22Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > It’s not really a math joke. It’s a joke about math professors. He started the lesson on time, even though nobody was there yet to learn from it. To amplify a bit, it sort of is a math joke because math professors use the blackboard probably more than those of any other discipline. But it is basically an oblivious professor joke. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2024, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4427 "2024-02-24T22:18:36Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > To amplify a bit, it sort of is a math joke because math professors use the blackboard probably more than those of any other discipline. But it is basically an oblivious professor joke. Brings to mind the one about the griping dean: _“Why can’t you be like the math department? They just ask for pencils and paper and wastebaskets. Or the philosophy department; they only ask for pencils and paper.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2024, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4428 "2024-02-25T01:57:36Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I didn’t realise the professor was there. > [@Chronos](#): > > Ah, yeah, I guess I left that detail implicit. Not really. This sentence indicates that he was present: > [@Chronos](#): > > She sits down next to the other student and asks “What’s he talking about?” That said, I’m _still_ not sure I get it. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2024, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4429 "2024-02-25T02:55:57Z")
The professor launched into a long and complicated lecture with no students in the room. And continued it for 30 minutes all by himself. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2024, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4430 "2024-02-25T04:41:01Z")
“The boards are all covered floor to ceiling with equations” would imply the lecture has been going on for quite a bit longer than the five minutes the other student has been there. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2024, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4431 "2024-02-25T04:56:59Z")
In this day and age perhaps the lecture was being streamed and recorded online for the benefit of the students who couldn’t make it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=220) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=222)