# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 229
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2024, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4572 "2024-03-25T15:40:15Z")
### What do you put on the gravestone of a knight in shining armor? Rust in peace. * * * ### Why didn’t Anne Boleyn stand still when she was about to be beheaded? She fancied a run around the block. * * * ### What has eight legs and eight eyes? Eight pirates. * * * ### Why did the student miss his history exam? He had the wrong date. * * * ### How many sides does a pyramid have? Two. An inside and an outside. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2024, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4573 "2024-03-25T15:55:25Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > What has eight legs and eight eyes? Spiders. Just sayin’. 🕷😉 ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2024, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4574 "2024-03-25T16:16:51Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Spiders. Nitpick: just the one spider. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2024, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4575 "2024-03-25T16:27:35Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > What has eight legs and eight eyes? Me. In my freezer… 🦹 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2024, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4576 "2024-03-25T23:36:30Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Cap’m Crunch, Lucky the leprechaun, and the Trix rabbit have all been found murdered in recent months. > > Police believe they’re all victims of character assassination. By a cereal killer? ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4577 "2024-03-26T00:09:43Z")
A lame one that I made up: I’m excited about the possible improvements for my robotic rake. It’s only scratching the surface at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4578 "2024-03-26T00:21:32Z")
Have you heard Boeing’s new slogan? When one door closes, another opens. ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4579 "2024-03-26T02:49:12Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I am bisexual. > > I have sex twice a year. **I am bisexual.** The only way I can get sex is to buy it. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4580 "2024-03-26T15:01:29Z")
### My wife and I are both tightrope walkers. We met online. * * * ### Cop: Are you on drugs ? Guy: Why would I sit on drugs ? Cop: Have you taken any ? Guy: Taken them where ? Cop: I meant used drugs. Guy: I prefer new. * * * ### What’s a politician’s favorite restaurant? Pander Express. * * * ### Two men, an American and a Russian were arguing. One said, “In my country I can go to the White House, walk to the President’s office and pound the desk and say “Mr. President! I don’t like how you’re running things in this country!” “I can do that too!” “Really?” “Yes! I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the general secretary’s office and pound the desk and say, Mr. Secretary, I don’t like how Biden is running his country!” * * * ### My wife breaks out into hives after sex. I think she has a nut allergy. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2024, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4581 "2024-03-27T13:56:57Z")
### My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever – Nothing but net. * * * ### Why did the anti-vaxxer get cut from the basketball team? He refused to take the shot. * * * ### The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court… The game would be canceled. * * * ### Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams play basketball together? He shoots, he scores! * * * ### Why doesn’t Celsius play basketball? It wouldn’t be Fahrenheit. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2024, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4582 "2024-03-27T17:23:21Z")
**I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.** I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2024, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4583 "2024-03-27T18:16:38Z")
> [@Ferris](#): > > I’m excited about the possible improvements for my robotic rake. It’s only scratching the surface at the moment. Nah, I’ll award you an “A” for effort. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4584 "2024-03-28T14:16:31Z")
**Doctor:** I just got your test results back. I’ve never seen this before, but it appears that your entire genetic structure is backwards. **Patient:** And? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4585 "2024-03-28T14:22:49Z")
Heh, that took a second. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4586 "2024-03-28T14:35:19Z")
I got it right off, but I think it would have been better if the punchline was in caps: AND? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4587 "2024-03-28T14:41:43Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > it would have been better if the punchline was in caps: AND. Not a bad call-- I tried to change it but I missed the edit window. Eh, maybe the subtle approach is best anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4588 "2024-03-28T15:08:00Z")
### The King takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a horse carriage through London. Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly. “Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry!” apologizes the embarrassed King.. “Oh don’t worry about it," the Pope replied, “If you hadn’t said anything, I’d have just thought it was one of the horses!” * * * ### Who is the Easter bunny’s favorite philosopher? Heidegger. * * * ### Saw a woman in Walmart who had March Madness teeth this morning She was down to her final 4!!! * * * ### Miskatonic University Eliminated First Round of NCAA Tournament Officials cite gross misunderstanding of “March Madness”… * * * ### Just finished my spring cleaning. Sometimes I wish I’d never bought a Slinky. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4589 "2024-03-28T15:19:17Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Saw a woman in Walmart who had March Madness teeth this morning > > She was down to her final 4!!! This immediately came to mind: **Captain Spaulding:** As I say, we tried to remove the tusks. But they were embedded so firmly we couldn’t budge them. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa, but that is entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4590 "2024-03-28T17:16:33Z")
**My friend circumcises elephants.** The pay is lousy, but the tips are big. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2024, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4591 "2024-03-28T19:28:05Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Saw a woman in Walmart who had March Madness teeth this morning > > She was down to her final 4!!! She was with a guy who had summer teeth. Summer there, some ain’t. mmm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=228) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=230)