# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 236
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2024, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4712 "2024-04-27T00:49:44Z")
An interjection walks into a bar. ‘Ouch!’. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2024, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4713 "2024-04-27T14:52:55Z")
### Why is nostalgia like grammar? > We find the present tense and the past perfect. * * * ### How does a penguin build a house? > Igloos it together. * * * ### Joker to Batman: “Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?” > “Yeah, sure.” > Joker: “Ok, parental love”. > Batman: “I don’t get it..” > “Exactly.” * * * ### For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to Hawaii… > …and for our 26th I plan to go back and get her. * * * ### I say, I say, what do you call a single kernel of corn? > A uni-corn. ---
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2024, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4714 "2024-04-27T17:18:39Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to Hawaii… > > > …and for our 26th I plan to go back and get her. Last year I bought my wife a burial plot for her birthday. She asked me the other day what I’m getting her for her birthday this year. I said, “Nothing, you didn’t use what I gave you last year.” 😆 ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2024, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4715 "2024-04-27T20:45:10Z")
**You look like a million bucks!** Green and wrinkled. **You look melancholy.** You have a head like a melon and a face like a collie. **Everyone was feeling merry** So Mary left. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4716 "2024-04-28T14:38:28Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/b7e9d8864d1cceba37b570c5848696ae) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/b7e9d8864d1cceba37b570c5848696ae) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4717 "2024-04-28T15:11:23Z")
### A six year old girl came home from her first day at school. > “What did you learn today?” asked her father. > “Nothing,” she replied, “I have to go back tomorrow.” * * * ### The boxer fought like a great baseball pitcher. > At the end of the fight he had a no-hitter. * * * ### When I was booted off my last job the Boss said I had been like a son to him… > …loud, rude and insolent. * * * ### My wife makes the budget work. > We go without a lot of things I don’t need. * * * ### Did you know bees become indecisive after April? > They become maybees. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4718 "2024-04-29T12:01:50Z")
### Why do so many women fake orgasms? > Because so many men fake foreplay. * * * ### How is being at a singles bar different from the circus? > At the circus the clowns don’t speak. * * * ### A handsome guy goes into the hospital for some minor surgery and, the day after the procedure, a friend stops by to see how he is doing. > The friend is amazed at the number of nurses who come by the room with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give him back rubs, etc. > “Why all the attention?” the friend asks. “You look fine to me.” > “I know!” grins the patient. “But the nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches.” * * * ### The teacher says to her class, “On Monday you’re going to have a five-hour exam.” > Mario, the class wise guy, says, “Five hours? What if I’m exhausted from sex?” > “Then write with your other hand.” * * * ### My mom told me nobody will want to buy the cow if you give away the milk for free. > And I didn’t give away any milk, not one free drop. But no one has bought the cow. And now the milk’s not as fresh as it used to be and every man I meet is lactose intolerant. ---
**Author:** ![bob\_2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_2/32/3341_2.png) [@bob\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_2)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4719 "2024-04-30T14:35:21Z")
The village where I live is really posh. We have the only Kentucky Fried Pheasant in the country. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4720 "2024-04-30T15:11:02Z")
### 34 and 36 walk into a diner. > They split a sandwich. Later, they both came out of the diner as 35’s. > One says to the other, “That was a mean sandwich.” * * * ### Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. > The bartender asks, “What can I get you two?” * * * ### A man goes into a bar with a frog on his head. > The bartender asks, “Hey, buddy, what’s that about?” > The frog replies, “I have no idea. It started out as a bump on my ass.” * * * ### Do you know why they call them baby boomers? > The tiniest prick to their egos, and boom! They’re babies. * * * ### A woman who lost four husbands through the years was married first to a banker, then an actor, then a preacher and finally an undertaker. > When asked about the unusual variance in her spousal occupations she replied, “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.” ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4721 "2024-04-30T15:43:45Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. > > > The bartender asks, “What can I get you two?” Would somebody please 'splain that to me? Yes, I googled. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4722 "2024-04-30T15:48:05Z")
> [@Bayaker](#): > > Would somebody please 'splain that to me? From [wiki](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U2): > U2 are an Irish rock band formed in Dublin in 1976. The group consists of Bono (lead vocals and rhythm guitar), the Edge (lead guitar, keyboards, and backing vocals), Adam Clayton (bass guitar), and Larry Mullen Jr. (drums and percussion). The real name of the Edge is David Howell Evans. (I also had to look it up. I figured it out from ‘you two’). ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4723 "2024-04-30T15:55:45Z")
Thanks for that. I didn’t delve far enough into google land I guess. I just found two singers. I have heard of the band U2, but had no idea Bono was involved. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4724 "2024-04-30T18:30:05Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### 34 and 36 walk into a diner. > > > They split a sandwich. Later, they both came out of the diner as 35’s. > > One says to the other, “That was a mean sandwich.” I rate this joke as just average. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4725 "2024-04-30T18:48:41Z")
A metaphor walks into an oasis. An ellipsis walks into a… A homonym walks into Bill Barr. A surrealist walks into rebar. A namedropper walks into Barbara Streisand. A dyslexic walks into a bra. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4726 "2024-04-30T19:32:02Z")
A dyslexic klaws into a bar. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2024, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4727 "2024-04-30T19:48:06Z")
Rev. Spooner balks into a war. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2024, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4728 "2024-05-01T13:00:07Z")
### I’m opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts. > It called glazed and confused. * * * ### Prison may be just one word: > But to others, it’s a whole sentence. * * * ### SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. > What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym for… > Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus * * * ### If April Showers bring May Flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? > Smallpox. * * * ### How do you support a werewolf’s YouTube channel? > Lycan subscribe. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2024, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4729 "2024-05-01T14:55:53Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### If April Showers bring May Flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? > > > Smallpox. Heard that one (better spoken than written) as If April Showers bring May Flowers, what do May Flowers bring? > [@](#): > > Pilgrims! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2024, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4730 "2024-05-01T15:05:11Z")
‘Smallpox’ is brutal. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2024, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4731 "2024-05-01T16:58:28Z")
> [@solost](#): > > I rate this joke as just average. Now that’s just mean. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=235) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=237)