# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 238
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2024, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4752 "2024-05-09T12:32:37Z")
### Mr. Simple hit a woman with his car and sent her flying for twenty feet in the air. Why did he sue her? > For leaving the scene of an accident. * * * ### Why did Grandpa Simple run a steamroller over his potato field? > He wanted to raise mashed potatoes. * * * ### I’m tired of all these pot pies. Can’t we have an egg roll instead? > How do you make an egg roll? > You push it. * * * ### Simon went to the doctor and complained that his left leg hurt. > The doctor told him, “Oh, that’s just old age.” > Simon said, “The other leg’s the same age. Why doesn’t it hurt?” * * * ### Knock, Knock. > Who’s there? > Omelet. > Omelet who? > Omelet smarter than I look. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2024, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4753 "2024-05-09T12:55:41Z")
One of their most famous songs is “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. Not completely sure that’s the relevant reference in this case, but it could be. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2024, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4754 "2024-05-09T13:35:43Z")
Not exactly. “What can I get you too?” is a play on the band’s name, U2. In other words, “What can I get U2?” mmm ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2024, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4755 "2024-05-09T19:13:33Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Hello, funeral home? > > > Yes. > > This is Ollie Miller. My wife, Lena, has passed away. > > > I’m very sorry to hear that. Give me your address and I’ll have her body picked up. > > 2011 Eucalyptus Drive. > > > Can you spell that? > > Uhhh… how about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there? George Macdonald Fraser told a Scottish version of that joke: a Glasgow police officer catches a purse-snatcher at the corner of Sauchiehall and Dalhousie Streets, and, after giving him a good beating, drags him bleeding over to Rose Street to make the arrest. The thief complains, “Oi. Why’d you drag me over here?” “Because I can spell ‘Rose’, ye thievin’ cunt.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4756 "2024-05-10T12:37:31Z")
### A friar is like a monk, except that he is not confined to a monastery. > The world is his cloister. * * * ### An art restorer was at work in the Louvre, and realized that some Caravaggios and Rembrandts needed to be re-framed, but the works by Raphael, Michaelangelo, and Leyster were just fine. > They told their manager to contact the framing department. “Which pieces?” asked the manager. “Just tell 'em, if it ain’t Baroque…” * * * ### NASA is planning on launching a bunch of cows into space. > It’ll be the herd shot 'round the world. * * * ### I used to be in a band called the Radiators. > We were the warm-up act. * * * ### I was making homemade Moroccan dinner rolls, and found out my thyme was expired. > But you know what? I really like old-thyme Moroccan rolls. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4757 "2024-05-10T12:42:01Z")
I love jokes, so keep them coming! Problem is, I don’t remember jokes except for my two moron jokes. If anyone wants to hear them again for the twentieth time, let me know. LOL ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4758 "2024-05-10T12:46:17Z")
Bring it on! ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4759 "2024-05-10T13:43:42Z")
Okay! 🙂 Why did the moron tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? … He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills. Why did the moron close his eyes when he walked past the medicine cabinet? … He didn’t want to see the Bayer aspirin. Ba-da-dum! 🤪 ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4760 "2024-05-10T13:46:45Z")
🙂 [here’s you’re complete sentence, Discord] ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4761 "2024-05-10T13:48:47Z")
Ah! It took me several seconds to understand that. It’s the minimum number of characters thing, right? ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4762 "2024-05-10T13:49:39Z")
Yes. Speaking of morons! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4763 "2024-05-10T21:22:14Z")
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lifes. In high school, Robert E. Lee was voted most likely to secede. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4764 "2024-05-10T21:26:09Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > Yes. Speaking of morons! Discourse or the guy who wrote “you’re”? 😜 ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2024, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4765 "2024-05-10T22:25:15Z")
Ha! Good catch. ---
**Author:** ![phs3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phs3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phs3)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2024, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4766 "2024-05-11T03:02:11Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### My dad always called me “Pancake” > > > He said it was “Because the first one is always a mistake.” ## The version of this I like better is: Kids are like pancakes–the first one is always a little weird. My older sister doesn’t appreciate this joke the way I do. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2024, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4767 "2024-05-11T12:48:21Z")
> [@phs3](#): > > Kids are like pancakes–the first one is always a little weird. Just sent this to my son & daughter, sparking some craziness. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2024, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4768 "2024-05-11T14:50:12Z")
### What did the Buddha name his dog? > Nama. Nama sit. > Nama stay. * * * ### What do you call an untrue story about a blowjob? A fellatious act. * * * ### I say, I say, what is the difference between the Chinese Cultural Revolution and a hamburger? One is a feat of Mao and the other is the meat of cow. * * * ### I like my coffee like I like my towels. > Turkish. * * * ### Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty bad > The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad, you better roll him over.” > The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain’t Stanley.” > The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. > Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up, roll him over.” > The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Stanley.” > The mortician asked, “How can you tell?” > Gomer said, "Well, Stanley had two assholes. > “What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician. > "Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, “There’s Stanley with them two assholes.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2024, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4769 "2024-05-11T16:20:06Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What did the Buddha name his dog? > > > Nama. Nama sit. > > Nama stay. [nitpick] Namaste (NAA-muh-stay, ‘I bow to you’) is a Hindu greeting, not Buddhist. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2024, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4770 "2024-05-11T16:37:42Z")
Tell that to the dog. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2024, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4771 "2024-05-11T16:48:43Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Namaste (NAA-muh-stay, ‘I bow to you’) is a Hindu greeting, not Buddhist. 😉 Buddha was born a Hindu prince, so the joke works just fine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=237) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=239)