# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 244
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4872 "2024-06-10T15:54:02Z")
Heh? Not getting the joke or reference. I said she was doing it with _Santa_, not a _furry_. Menopause as in “men o’ paws”…get it? I’m here all week! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4873 "2024-06-10T16:21:10Z")
> [@solost](#): > > You don’t want to know what I saw him doing with my mom once. 🎶 _I saw mama humping Santa Claus_ _She said it was because of menopause_🎶 _Jesus At McDonald’s_ - Mojo Nixon ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4874 "2024-06-10T16:25:28Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > 🎶 _I saw mama humping Santa Claus_ > _She said it was because of menopause_ 🎶 > > _Jesus At McDonald’s_ - Mojo Nixon Ah, ok, thanks. Embarrassing to reveal that I’m not hip enough to get a Mojo Nixon ref 😊 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4875 "2024-06-10T17:53:46Z")
### Old Macdonald was dyslexic… > O I O I E 🎶 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4876 "2024-06-10T18:21:34Z")
Hey, lexdysia is no laughing matter. ---
**Author:** ![FrenchDunadan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frenchdunadan/32/5449_2.png) [@FrenchDunadan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrenchDunadan)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4877 "2024-06-10T18:23:03Z")
On a related one, do you know what DNA stands for? … … … National Dyslexic Association ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4878 "2024-06-10T18:53:25Z")
Old MacDonald Tries Arable Farming … 🎶 🎵 _Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O_ _And on that farm he had a carrot, E-I-E-I-O_ _With a                 here and a               there_ _Here a             , there a           , everywhere a             ._ 🎶 🎵 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4879 "2024-06-10T23:10:55Z")
I really hope Randall Munroe makes an xkcd of that joke so I can go to _explainxkcd dot com_ and find out why it’s funny… ETA: okay I just now got the carrot/caret pun (caret=missing) pun, but the arable farming bit is escaping me. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4880 "2024-06-10T23:19:39Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > the arable farming bit is escaping me. I thought the gag was, he switched from animals that make sounds to crops that, y’know, make no sound. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2024, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4881 "2024-06-10T23:26:36Z")
Okay, that works. I presume that “arable farming” implies that a farm has no livestock? ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4882 "2024-06-11T08:35:17Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > the gag was, he switched from animals that make sounds to crops that, y’know, make no sound This. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4883 "2024-06-11T09:09:07Z")
To go _really_ esoteric: _Old MacDonald had a [Liber Usualis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liber_Usualis)_ _[E-U-O-U-A-E](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euouae)…_ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2024, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4884 "2024-06-11T13:16:54Z")
### I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk.. > But I never got the chants. * * * ### A cheap zoo lost its gorilla and instead of paying for one they hired a guy in a gorilla costume to act like a gorilla. > When the people came to see him he pounded his chest and moved like a gorilla. Right under him was a lions cage. > While he was running around chanting like a gorilla, the bottom of his cage broke and he fell into the loins cage. > He started screaming and yelling, “Help me, help me!” > The Lion ran to him and said, “Shut up! You are going to get us both fired!” * * * ### What do you call a Emo kid in Hawaii? > A Tropical Depression. * * * ### From where do you get pineapple milk? > From its pinenipples! * * * ### I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!” > Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4885 "2024-06-12T14:03:06Z")
### My hotel room was so small… > …the refrigerator opened IN. * * * ### An amateur huntsman came back to the hunting lodge and said, “I shot an elk.” > Another guest said, “How’d you know it was an elk?” > The amateur hunter said, “By his membership card!” * * * ### My cousin was told to try his hand at nude painting. > A week later he had pneumonia. * * * ### Prices keep going up. > Today I saw a gumball machine that takes bills. * * * ### In my closet I have a golf moth. > It makes 18 holes in one day. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4886 "2024-06-13T14:36:12Z")
Potatoes make chips, French fries, and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4887 "2024-06-13T14:37:47Z")
### If someone who eats vegetable is called a vegetarian… > … does that mean someone who eats humans is a humanitarian? * * * ### A young suicide bomber’s mother was interviewed after the attack. > She was asked her thoughts on his death and said with a tear in her eye, “They blow up so fast.” * * * ### You know, Son, I killed 15 people in Afghanistan." > But, Dad, you were a surgeon. > Yeah, but I never said I was a good one. * * * ### What do you call a petrified turkey? > A gobblestone. * * * ### How do stars die? > They usually overdose. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4888 "2024-06-14T15:58:46Z")
### Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug? > How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge? * * * ### Easy weight loss technique: > Step 1: Initiate Brexit. > Step 2: Lose 440 million pounds a week. * * * ### What do you call a vegan burger? > A misteak. * * * ### Survivor: Texas Edition > Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: “Survivor - Texas Edition”. > The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilene, Fort Worth and then, finally, back to Dallas. > Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with a bumper sticker which will read: > “I’m Here To Confiscate Your Guns” > The first contestant to make it back to Dallas alive wins. * * * ### My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation. > They said I had a pre-existing condition. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4889 "2024-06-14T17:21:06Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Potatoes make chips, French fries, and vodka. > > It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying. To be fair, corn and wheat also have booze and chips. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4890 "2024-06-14T18:29:02Z")
and corn has dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2024, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/4891 "2024-06-14T20:01:16Z")
All right, all right! _Beside_ potatoes, corn, and wheat, giving us booze and chips and corn dogs, what have the vegetables ever done for _us?_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=243) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=245)