# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/485 "2021-07-20T02:12:23Z")
Let’s not post misogynistic jokes, please. (Nor racist…) Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/486 "2021-07-20T02:20:12Z")
Probably best to avoid jokes about [race](https://www.eeoc.gov/racecolor-discrimination), [color](https://www.eeoc.gov/racecolor-discrimination), [religion](https://www.eeoc.gov/religious-discrimination), [sex](https://www.eeoc.gov/sex-based-discrimination) (including [pregnancy](https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination), [sexual orientation](https://www.eeoc.gov/wysk/what-you-should-know-about-eeoc-and-enforcement-protections-lgbt-workers), or [gender identity](https://www.eeoc.gov/wysk/what-you-should-know-about-eeoc-and-enforcement-protections-lgbt-workers)), [national origin](https://www.eeoc.gov/national-origin-discrimination), [age](https://www.eeoc.gov/age-discrimination) (40 or older), [disability](https://www.eeoc.gov/disability-discrimination) and [genetic information](https://www.eeoc.gov/genetic-information-discrimination) (including family medical history). ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/487 "2021-07-20T03:39:35Z")
A joke that is better live: How can you tell the beginning of an off-color joke? (Joke teller checks behind to the left) (Joke teller checks behind to the right) ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/488 "2021-07-20T04:36:13Z")
Q: What is a polar bear ? A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/489 "2021-07-20T04:57:44Z")
I LOLed. 😆 ---
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/490 "2021-07-20T21:03:49Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > What’s worse than a truck load of dead babies? > Unloading it with a pitchfork. What’s worse than that? Finding a live one in the pile. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/491 "2021-07-20T22:10:31Z")
_This one is for my Catholic friends:_ There was a Lutheran named Alice, Who pissed into the Catholic chalice. ‘I do this,’ said she, 'Of great need to pee And not sectarian malice.’ ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/492 "2021-07-20T22:41:51Z")
I have to wonder why, if racist and misogynistic jokes are verboten, dead baby jokes are ok? They certainly are equally offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2021, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/493 "2021-07-20T22:46:49Z")
Clearly, @puzzlegal was joking. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2021, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/494 "2021-07-21T01:40:40Z")
> [@jaycat](#): > > I have to wonder why, if racist and misogynistic jokes are verboten, dead baby jokes are ok? They certainly are equally offensive. And epileptic/paraplegic/quadriplegic/amputee jokes. Pirates, too. ‘Arrrrlene.’ And I see at least one misandrist joke here. Anyway, two human beings who have different beliefs and cultural backgrounds, and a small anthropomorphic mammal, walk into an establishment known for selling a certain product… The anthropomorphic mammal says, ‘No, I’m not in the wrong joke, person who was born in a time period after a world war.’ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2021, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/495 "2021-07-21T18:34:00Z")
**The Pilot and the Priest** A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’ The guy replies, ‘I’m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.’ Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it’s the priest’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.’ Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom. ‘Just a minute,’ says the good father. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?’ ‘Up here, we go by results,’ says Saint Peter. ‘When you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed.’ ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2021, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/496 "2021-07-21T22:08:06Z")
How many Grammar Nazis does it take to change a light bulb? Too. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2021, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/497 "2021-07-21T22:14:55Z")
> [@Wallaby](#): > > Grammar Nazis Obviously a light pendant ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2021, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/498 "2021-07-21T22:22:43Z")
A monk named Canyas came up with a whole new way of thinking about how to solicit donations. It’s now called the “[Brother Canyas Paradigm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I8-CbJYGMA)” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2021, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/499 "2021-07-22T04:08:52Z")
Q. How do you console a troubled grammatician? A. “There, their, they’re”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2021, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/500 "2021-07-22T17:10:44Z")
### A Burglar broke into our house last night. I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead. Our three cats did the rest. * * * ### If my brother was on Death Row his last meal would be “I don’t know. What do you feel like?” * * * ### If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor… …Then Who is. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2021, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/501 "2021-07-22T18:20:18Z")
> [@jaycat](#): > > I have to wonder why, if racist and misogynistic jokes are verboten, dead baby jokes are ok? Less chance of a dead baby being offended? ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2021, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/502 "2021-07-22T18:25:43Z")
An alien from another planet lands on earth. He’s friendly, and wants to learn more about our spiritual side of life, so he asks to meet with the pope. The Pope says, “let me tell you about our Lord Jesus Christ.” And the alien answers immediately: “What—Jesus came to earth? that’s amazing… He came to our planet too… And just recently he came back.” The Pope says, "wow–Jesus returned!!! How did you react? The alien answers: " It was really wonderful. We greeted him with hugs, fancy celebrations, feasts with great food , a really happy occasion. Just like the first time he came to us. So how did you earthlings treat him? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2021, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/503 "2021-07-22T22:07:42Z")
An alien lands at a gas station late at night. He walks up to a pump with nozzles on each end and says, “Take me to your leader.” Naturally he gets no reply, so he repeats a little louder, “Take me to your leader.” Then the alien says, “You could hear me better if you took your fingers out of your ears.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2021, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/504 "2021-07-23T13:54:58Z")
### Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies? Everywhere * * * # Warrior: I swear I will have my revenge for the death of my brother! Elf: You have my bow. Dwarf: And my axe. Necromancer: And your brother. * * * ### The IRS is disbanding! I just received a letter from them titled “Final Notice”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=26)