# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 262
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2024, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5232 "2024-09-08T14:49:43Z")
### What’s the difference between a 3x3x3 color puzzle and a Minecraft villager? One’s a Rubix Cube the other’s a cubic rube. * * * ### Have you seen the movie about the ape who joined the Viet Cong and cooked spaghetti on a barbecue? It was a guerrilla gorilla Barilla griller thriller. * * * ### I heard Russell Brand found Jesus… Now Jesus is trying to find a better place to hide. * * * ### What do you call a Middle Eastern newspaper in New Orleans? Al Jazz-era. * * * ### Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft? He conditioned it. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2024, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5233 "2024-09-09T00:10:07Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What’s the difference between a 3x3x3 color puzzle and a Minecraft villager? > > One’s a Rubix Cube the other’s a cubic rube. His early attempt to make a film of Forrest Gump was known in the industry as **Kubrick’s Rube**. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2024, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5234 "2024-09-09T01:27:55Z")
My father worked twelve hours a day to put food on the table. He was a very slow cook. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2024, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5235 "2024-09-09T12:14:40Z")
One night past one a.m., a couple was awakened by a knock on the door. “Go see who it is” said the wife. “Screw it, they’ll go away” “No go, it might be important.” Grumbling, the husband puts some clothes on and staggers downstairs half asleep. He opens the door to find a twenty-something on his porch. “What do you want?” “Please help me, I need a push” “It’s one in the fucking morning. Go away.” he slammed the door, marched upstairs, takes off his clothes and climbs into bed and relates the story to his wife. She isn’t having it. “What’s wrong with you? Go help that poor man! He could be miles from home!” Grumbling, he gets out of bed puts his clothes back on and goes downstairs. He opens the door but the man his nowhere to be seen. Figuring he can’t be that far away, he shouts out to him. “HEY! DO YOU STILL NEED A PUSH?” “Yes! Come quickly” “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?” “On the swing!” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2024, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5236 "2024-09-09T13:54:18Z")
Good one. Bravo. Into my saved file. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2024, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5237 "2024-09-09T14:11:10Z")
### At a school examination the question was, “Were the kings of Israel rich or poor?” One boy answered, “I guess they were poor, because the Bible says they slept with their fathers. If they’d been rich they would all have beds of their own.” * * * ### “Well, Meredith, how is your son getting along with his studies to be a doctor?” “Very well, thank you; he can already cure very small children.” * * * ### “Do you know, Bridget, I can actually read my name on the dust on that table!” “Faith, ma’am, and it’s more than I can do. Sure, there’s nothin’ like education after all!” * * * ### “Now, Barney, why did you pick a fight with that man, a total stranger?” “Sorry, Reverend, but I had no choice. All my friends are away.” * * * ### Old Lady: “Where did those large rocks come from?” Tired Guide: “The glaciers brought them down.” “But where are the glaciers?’ “They’ve gone back after more rocks.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2024, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5238 "2024-09-10T14:21:39Z")
The man who invented the umbrella was originally going to call it brella, but he was a bit hesitant. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2024, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5239 "2024-09-10T15:07:22Z")
### I went to the barber and said, “Can I get a haircut like Tom Cruise?” So they gave me a cushion to sit on. * * * ### Darth Vader walks into a record store and asks if they have a copy of George Michael’s first studio album. The clerk says they are sold out, to which Vader responds, “I find your lack of _Faith_ disturbing.” * * * ### Have you heard of this book _The Camel Sutra_? It’s about humping. * * * ### I hate it when doctors use acronyms no one knows… Mine keeps saying O.B.C.D. but won’t tell me what it stands for. * * * ### Google turns 26 this month Leonardo Di Caprio: Guess I’ll use Bing from now on… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2024, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5240 "2024-09-10T16:52:45Z")
**A new mother tried to give me her baby to hold.** I told her, ‘No, thank you. I’m a vegetarian.’ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2024, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5241 "2024-09-11T15:28:26Z")
### It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails. But when it happens no one is shocked. * * * ### Why do mailmen work for so little money? It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message. * * * ### What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen? A more-soupial. * * * ### VPOTUS Kamala Harris: "Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people and clearly he’s having a tough time processing that.” * * * ### A woman asked me if I’d care for an orange? I said “If it needed me.” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2024, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5242 "2024-09-12T01:46:39Z")
Cigarettes are like squirrels: they’re perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2024, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5243 "2024-09-12T02:19:50Z")
Love it! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2024, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5244 "2024-09-12T15:56:42Z")
### Today, during the lecture, a stoned professor was showing electromagnetic waves. Half the students saw them. * * * ### If you are planning to take up rock climbing, enroll in a mattress-making course just to be safe. It’s …something to fall back on. * * * ### My girlfriend’s a real stunner. So I had to take away her baseball bat. But now I’m having regrets and I’m beating myself up about it. * * * ### Little Johnny went to school and when the teacher asked for everyone’s homework, Little Johnny of course didn’t have his. “Where is your homework, Johnny?”, asked the teacher. Little Johnny replied, “An immigrant ate my dog that ate my homework.” * * * ### What’s the national bird of Ukraine? The drone. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2024, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5245 "2024-09-12T20:00:01Z")
Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2024, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5246 "2024-09-12T23:34:01Z")
My doctor told me that I may be going deaf. That was hard to hear. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2024, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5247 "2024-09-13T01:44:07Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What’s the national bird of Ukraine? > > The drone. Surely, the gyrfalcon? That’s the origin of the tryzub emblem that you see everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2024, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5248 "2024-09-13T02:05:12Z")
Have you ever seen two dozen crows drinking in the same location? It’s just murder. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2024, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5249 "2024-09-13T06:03:24Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### What’s the national bird of Ukraine? > > > > The drone. > > Surely, the gyrfalcon? Sigh… Chronos, this is the **joke** thread, not the nitpick the facts thread. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2024, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5250 "2024-09-13T06:04:54Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Have you ever seen two dozen crows drinking in the same location? It’s just murder. If they’re vel-crows, they really stick together. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2024, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5251 "2024-09-13T07:41:02Z")
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