# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 265
**Author:** ![SailorHG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SailorHG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SailorHG)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2024, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5292 "2024-09-23T18:46:10Z")
For anyone else who’s not a chemist… I looked up salt/sulphuric acid and found this answer on Quora (grammar as in the original): > Two reactions can be happened > > 1. if you mix less NaCl and H2SO4 then you will get sodium bisulphate.reaction:-. NaCl+H2SO4=NaHSO4+HCl > 2. If you mix H2SO4 with more NaCl you will get sodium sulphate.reaction:-2NaCl+H2SO4=Na2SO4+2HCl After seeing this, I was finally able to laugh! 😊 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2024, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5293 "2024-09-24T15:10:06Z")
### Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went **OK**! * * * ### Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak? Because it’s in the **ground state**! * * * ### Anyone know any jokes about sodium? **Na**. * * * ### What did one charged atom say to the other? I got my **ion** you! * * * ### I’d give you some more chemistry jokes, …but all the good ones **argon**. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2024, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5294 "2024-09-24T17:03:04Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Anyone know any jokes about sodium? 16 sodium molecules sit in a row. Batman! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2024, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5295 "2024-09-24T17:56:01Z")
### I say, I say, who invented the multiple choice test? Olive de Above ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2024, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5296 "2024-09-25T04:02:30Z")
Did you hear about the all-girl spelling bee? Many words were Miss-spelled. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2024, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5297 "2024-09-25T14:07:16Z")
### Why is an empty champagne bottle like an orphan? Because it has lost its pops. * * * ### What do you call The Joker in a cold forest? Joaquin in a winter wonderland. * * * ### I met a magical genie, he gave me a single wish. I said; “I wish I could be you.” The genue saud; “Weurd wush, but okay, U wull grant ut.” * * * ### Why are bacteria so bad at math? Because they multiply by dividing. * * * ### I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark… Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin. ---
**Author:** ![FrenchDunadan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frenchdunadan/32/5449_2.png) [@FrenchDunadan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrenchDunadan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2024, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5298 "2024-09-25T15:45:00Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > * * * > > ### I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark… > > Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin. And have you outstanding success with the ladies? cause girls gone crazy for a shark dressed man… ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2024, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5299 "2024-09-25T16:00:01Z")
Having a dog named “Shark” at the beach was a mistake. Do U.K. websites use biscuits instead of cookies? Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2024, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5300 "2024-09-26T14:31:43Z")
I slept like a baby last night — woke up every half hour, screaming. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2024, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5301 "2024-09-26T15:40:31Z")
### A young woman is feeling under the weather so she goes to her family doctor. “Young lady,” says the doctor, “you’re pregnant.” “But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists, and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.” “Well, my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is cockeyed.” * * * ## Two men are sitting in a doctor’s office and one asks the other, “What are you here for?” “I have a red ring around my pecker. What are you here for?” “I have a green ring around my pecker.” The doctor calls the first man in and examines him. As the man is leaving, he tells him not to worry, it wasn’t a serious problem. The doctor then examines the second man. Looking alarmed, he says, “I’m sorry to say this but your penis will soon fall off and then you’ll die.” “What? You told the man with the red ring he was perfectly okay, but I’m gonna die?” “Yes, but there’s a big difference between lipstick and gangrene!” * * * ### Where is an elephant’s sex organ? In his foot. If he steps on you, you’re fucked. * * * ### What does the Invisible Man drink? Evaporated milk. * * * ### Edna: Last night I dreamed I was trapped in a washing machine. Hildegarde: Oh, no! What did you do? Edna: What could I do? I tossed and turned all night. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2024, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5302 "2024-09-26T16:06:13Z")
Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2024, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5303 "2024-09-26T17:24:44Z")
… or her transistor. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2024, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5304 "2024-09-26T17:40:01Z")
Excellent. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2024, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5305 "2024-09-27T15:30:46Z")
### Breaking News: British actress Maggie Smith dies aged 89 McGonagall but not McForgottenagall, * * * ### Algebra was the easiest subject for high school students in Ancient Rome. X was always 10. * * * ### Honey, you won’t believe it! The doctor says I’m a genius. He said I’ve got da Mensa! * * * ### Who was the most skeptical philosopher? Marcus Oh-really-us. * * * ### Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2024, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5306 "2024-09-27T18:49:52Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Breaking News: British actress Maggie Smith dies aged 89 > > McGonagall but not McForgottenagall, Too soon, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2024, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5307 "2024-09-28T14:48:40Z")
### When I was in Moscow last week I thought I was stung by a suspicious looking wasp. Turns out it was just a cagey bee. * * * ### What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot? Don’t worry about him—-he’s just a product of our times. * * * ### My dentist just told me I need braces. Well, technically he just said “Sir, your trousers keep falling down and it’s scaring the children.” * * * ### Who do you get to play a diabetic vampire? Bela Glucosi. * * * ### You know what they say about people who live in glass houses. They change in the basement. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2024, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5308 "2024-09-29T01:54:38Z")
Cremation is my last hope for a smoking hot body. Astronauts use Linux because you can’t open Windows in space. The first five days after the weekend are the hardest. There’s no way that everybody was King Fu fighting. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2024, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5309 "2024-09-29T04:57:50Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > There’s no way that everybody was King Fu fighting. But everyone _did_ Wang Chung tonight! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2024, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5310 "2024-09-29T15:10:47Z")
(You know it. \>Doffs hat\<) Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak. I child-proofed my house but the kids still get in. Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at. My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2024, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5311 "2024-09-29T15:10:58Z")
### The secret to why Canadians are so nice… Once every six years all Canadians go outside under the light of the full moon and perform a ritual. At the end of the ritual, all the anger and resentment in the Canadians is lifted from their bodies… …and put into the Canada Goose. * * * ### What’s a pirate’s favorite hymn? Arrr-vay Maria. * * * ### Why couldn’t the candle get any sleep? Because there’s no rest for the wicked. * * * ### Merle is so thin… …it takes him three tries just to cast a shadow. * * * ### Have you heard Mr. Trump’s plan for combating global warming? Nuclear winter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=264) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=266)