# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 270
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2024, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5392 "2024-10-31T20:33:57Z")
A kid goes up to his father and asks, ‘Are you really my daddy?’ Dad says, ‘Yes, of course I’m your daddy!’ The kid says, ‘Are sure? Really, really sure?’ The father replies, ‘Yes, son. I’m really, really sure.’ The kid sticks his index finger straight out and repeatedly pokes his dad in the forehead with it, then throws his milk in his face. The kid says, ‘How do _you_ like it?’ ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2024, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5393 "2024-11-01T18:24:24Z")
Aaron Judge has been invited to participate in the Times Square New Years Eve celebration this year. He’ll be in charge of the ball drop. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2024, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5394 "2024-11-01T18:33:24Z")
Ouch! That’s gonna leave a mark. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5395 "2024-11-02T15:35:40Z")
### Why are strip clubs closed at night on November 5th? Because that’s when the polls close. [Remember, remember, the Fifth of November…] * * * ### What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They’re orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November. * * * ### My most embarrassing moment as a teenager was when my parents caught me watching hard-core pornography… …over their shoulder. * * * ### Germany is suggesting citizens stock up on sausage and cheese for winter. They are expecting a wurst käse scenario. * * * ### How many SuperSaiyans does it take to change a light bulb? Find out next time on DRAGONBALL Z! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5396 "2024-11-02T16:19:43Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d4ff13787747f676fd47efe8d9102ccc) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d4ff13787747f676fd47efe8d9102ccc) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5397 "2024-11-02T16:28:43Z")
Today adage: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.” “Give a man a poisoned fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5398 "2024-11-02T20:00:01Z")
Build a man a fire and he’s warm for an evening. Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2024, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5399 "2024-11-03T16:37:03Z")
### What is the difference between Trump and Putin? Putin can win a rigged election. * * * ### How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Change? That’s socialism! * * * ### How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? None. They only talk about change. * * * ### I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. It still has potential. * * * ### What kind of meme provokes intense happiness? Doper meme. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2024, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5400 "2024-11-03T16:58:04Z")
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2024, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5401 "2024-11-03T19:06:12Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. > > It still has potential. Is Sisyphus time you tried writing the joke, or do you keep trying and failing? ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2024, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5402 "2024-11-03T19:13:10Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. > > Only a fraction of people will find this funny. I laughed and laughed! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2024, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5403 "2024-11-04T01:18:27Z")
What is Harry Potter’s favorite way of going down a hill? I dunno. Running. JK, rolling. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2024, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5404 "2024-11-04T15:20:05Z")
### Coffee was just voted the best non-alcoholic drink. But it was unfair, there were absent tea ballots. * * * ### A university is preparing to demolish an old science building. They decide to put three professors in charge of the safety process to make sure that no one is in the building during demolition. A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician. The three professors discuss, and decide that they best way is to simply count everyone going in, then count everyone coming out, and when the building is open, start the countdown. The day comes, the crew goes in, sets up the charges, and comes out. The professors start the count-down “Ten! Nine! Eight!” When they hear “Wait! Wait! Wait!” And another crew member comes running frantically out of the building. The professors pause. “We must have miscounted.” Says the physicist with horror. “They must have multiplied.” Says the biologist with a shrug. “All right!” Shouts the mathematician turning to the crew. “Now we need one of you to run into the building and then it will be empty!” * * * ### I say, I say, what’s the difference between incontinence and a laundromat? One’s a coin laundry and the other’s a loin quandary. * * * ### What did the vulture say to his fledgling when he spotted roadkill? Carrion, my wayward son. * * * ### A guy is waiting for his surgery. An anaesthesiologist walks into the room and asks, “Are you paying for this privately or via the public health insurance?” The guy says, “Public health insurance.” “Okay,” says the anesthesiologist and begins to sing: “Twinkle, twinkle little star…” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2024, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5405 "2024-11-04T15:47:10Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What did the vulture say to his fledgling when he spotted roadkill? > > Carrion, my wayward son. There’ll be a piece when you are done… ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2024, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5406 "2024-11-04T21:54:35Z")
Raccoons will get all that’s left… ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2024, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5407 "2024-11-05T00:46:57Z")
Why does the raccoon cross the (splat!) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2024, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5408 "2024-11-05T15:57:04Z")
### Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project. I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up. * * * ### Why did Trump play golf after the election ? Because that’s the one place where the winner has the lowest score. * * * ### After the election, I’m moving to Greenwich, England I don’t know what I’ll do in the mean time. * * * ### As they say during election season in Transylvania… Every Count Votes. * * * ### The election is finally over! Let “Bye, Dons” be “Bye, Dons”! ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2024, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5409 "2024-11-05T18:30:28Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### As they say during election season in Transylvania… > > Every Count Votes I expect they say that on Barrayar, too. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2024, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5410 "2024-11-05T23:13:18Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > [Remember, remember, the Fifth of November…] Remember, remember The fifth of November Trump’s MAGA treasonous plot I know of no reason Why Trump’s MAGA treason Should ever be forgot ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2024, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5411 "2024-11-06T13:27:00Z")
### If another name for a bra is “over the shoulder boulder holder”, what about men’s underwear? A lower decker pecker checker. * * * ### My, but I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day. * * * ### Bugs Bunny goes to a medical convention He meets a cardiologist, and says “What’s up, Doc?” He meets a dentist, and says “What’s up, Doc?” He meets a chiropractor, and says “What’s up?” * * * ### Three old men are sitting on a park bench. The first says “Windy, innit?”. The second says “No. Thursdy.”. The third says “Me too. Let’s go for a pint.”. * * * ### Why did the Republican cross the road? Trump told him to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=269) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=271)