# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 272
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2024, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5432 "2024-11-11T23:26:42Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > And I hate peas! All I am saying is give peas a chance! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2024, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5433 "2024-11-11T23:28:00Z")
I walked right into that one. I salute you, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5434 "2024-11-12T03:59:07Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > The third line varies slightly, but always ends with “funny” Not always. The variation I know has the 3rd line as > [@](#): > > I don’t like peas and honey ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5435 "2024-11-12T11:01:46Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Why did the pregnant dog leave the park? > She saw a No Littering sign. A mama dog was on her way to the dog part with her whelp. They passed the people park , where a prominently placed sign commanded “NO LITTERING.” The puppy said to his mother “Mama, what does “littering” mean?” The mama dog hesitated for a bit and answered, “Ask your father.” > [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > How many people under a certain age would know about eating peas off a knife? I’ve never seen it done and I’m 64. And I hate peas! I saw Curly do it in a Three Stooges short once. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5436 "2024-11-12T14:42:10Z")
Hopefully, no honey. I’m quite impressed with the discourse over this little poem. Apparently we at the Straight Dope take our humor seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5437 "2024-11-12T16:58:40Z")
A couple of weeks ago I said the “peas with honey” poem to my wife. She didn’t know it and I found it on the internet and played it for her. It’s still being discussed. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5438 "2024-11-12T17:09:58Z")
### What does an introverted vegan want for dinner? Peas and quiet. * * * ### When did people finally begin to appreciate chick peas? Posthummusly. * * * ### Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium? Because he tryptophan. * * * ### Why do zombies love the fall? Because everyone has pumpkin spice on the brains! * * * ### I allow myself only one doughnut per year. This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5439 "2024-11-12T18:59:24Z")
What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? You wouldn’t pay $100 to have a lentil on your face. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5440 "2024-11-12T19:16:29Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > > [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > > > I eat my peas with honey > > I’ve done so all my life > > I know it does taste funny > > But it keeps them on the knife > > “This poem was recited on the February 2, 1944 broadcast of the radio program “It Pays to Be Ignorant.” According to the Estate of Shel Silverstein and the archivists who oversee his literary works and manuscripts, Shel Silverstein did not write this poem.” > > Some sources say Ogden Nash was the originator. The third line varies slightly, but always ends with “funny” The version I always heard had the third line as “It makes my peas taste funny” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5441 "2024-11-12T19:51:38Z")
If work really sucked I’d smile a lot more while there. * * * An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist believes this is true. * * * I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it. * * * If you really think about it, we’re all half centaur. * * * The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2024, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5442 "2024-11-12T22:04:49Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > If you really think about it, we’re all half centaur. Centaurs have two ribcages. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2024, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5443 "2024-11-13T01:06:43Z")
> [@LurkMeister](#): > > The version I always heard had the third line as “It makes my peas taste funny” I think I heard "Makes the peas taste _mighty_ funny. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2024, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5444 "2024-11-13T14:05:43Z")
**‘I need a battery so I will know what time it is.’** ‘Is it for a clock?’ ‘I don’t know. That’s why I need the battery!’ ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2024, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5445 "2024-11-13T14:20:31Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > > If you really think about it, we’re all half centaur. > > Centaurs have two ribcages. Yes, and we have exactly half the number of ribcages that centaurs do. It’s simple math, people!! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2024, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5446 "2024-11-13T16:59:37Z")
### I bought a new boat and it’s the best, except it’s shaped like a centaur. Great horsemanship. * * * ### According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor. This made him the Centaur for Disease Control. * * * ### Two Centaurs Two centaurs are playing rough and things getting heated. Are they man-handling each other or just horsing around? * * * ### Why did no one believe a word the centaur said? They thought it was satyr. * * * ### My track and field team complained that the hurdles were too tall… But I’m not worried, they’ll get over it ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2024, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5447 "2024-11-13T20:26:57Z")
If someone from Holland married a Filipino, their kids would be Hollapinos. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2024, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5448 "2024-11-14T18:23:24Z")
### I told my friend I was going to take lessons in Filipino. She asked if she could tagalog. * * * ### I asked my German friend if he knew what 6+3 was. He said “No.” * * * ### Why did the trans man only eat salad? Because he was a her before. * * * ### I thought my wife was joking when she said she was a big fan of The Monkees. Then I saw her face. * * * ### What do you call the superhero who just stands outside your door? The Human Porch. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2024, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5449 "2024-11-14T21:09:08Z")
(I couldn’t find a good centaur joke so I came up with my own): It is little known that Francis Ford Coppola wanted to include four centaurs in one of his films. They became the four horse-men of Acopolypse Now. mmm ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2024, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5450 "2024-11-15T00:03:49Z")
**A centaur walks into a bar.** The bartender says “why the short face”? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2024, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5451 "2024-11-15T15:06:42Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Centaurs have two ribcages. **What’s a centaur’s favorite beer?** Bell’s Two-Hearted IPA. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=271) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=273)