# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 273
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2024, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5452 "2024-11-15T16:12:27Z")
Why did the donkey centaur stare at people’s butts? He was an ass man. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2024, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5453 "2024-11-15T16:44:13Z")
### Many people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. * * * ### Accept who you are, unless you’re really a serial killer. - Ellen DeGeneres * * * ### What we learn from history is that we don’t learn from history. - Warren Buffet * * * ### A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for the coffin. - H. L. Mencken * * * ### Forty is the old age of youth. Fifty is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2024, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5454 "2024-11-15T17:16:08Z")
Mjolner: Thor’s Hammer, Freyja’s Dildo. * * * Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day. Give a hobbit a Ring and he eats fish for an Age. * * * “You’ll never be quite the same again after that Bible you’ve been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living shit out of you.” * * * “Motion-tracking turrets!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2024, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5455 "2024-11-15T21:39:44Z")
The little girl who screamed for a pony finally got a little hoarse. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5456 "2024-11-16T18:14:43Z")
### My daughter wants a pony for Christmas. Usually we have ham. This’ll be something new. * * * ### The Vatican has just announced the saint in charge of adding people to e-mails. St. Francis of a CC. * * * ### Tyson v Paul Netflix was a terrible idea. If it had been on Amazon, Fake Paul could say he fought Tyson in his Prime. * * * ### How did the witch form her group into a circle? She set the coven to 360 degrees. * * * ### It has been suggested that I try to monetize my jokes. So from now on, they’ll all have water lilies on a pond. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5457 "2024-11-16T19:09:38Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### It has been suggested that I try to monetize my jokes. > > So from now on, they’ll all have water lilies on a pond. I was just about to ask for assistance with this one when a lightbulb literally appeared over my head. mmm ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5458 "2024-11-16T22:33:17Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I asked my German friend if he knew what 6+3 was. > > He said “No.” According to Freud, what comes between fear and sex? Funf! ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5459 "2024-11-17T00:25:37Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### It has been suggested that I try to monetize my jokes. > > So from now on, they’ll all have water lilies on a pond. A little help here? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5460 "2024-11-17T00:27:24Z")
[![](https://cdn.topofart.com/images/artists/Claude_Oscar_Monet/paintings-wm/monet447.jpg) ](https://cdn.topofart.com/images/artists/Claude_Oscar_Monet/paintings-wm/monet447.jpg) Monet-ize. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5461 "2024-11-17T00:27:57Z")
Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5462 "2024-11-17T17:55:46Z")
### Haven’t been to church for awhile? Parish the thought. * * * ## Hymns: The Meteorologist’s - _There Shall Be Showers Of Blessing_ The Optometrist’s - _Open My Eyes That I May See_ The Golfer’s - _There Is a Green Hill Far Away_ The Dentist’s - _Crown Him With Many Crowns_ * * * ### The Sunday School teacher asked Susan why she drew Jesus on horseback. “He’s giving the Sermon on the Mount.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2024, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5463 "2024-11-21T08:52:57Z")
“I’m a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my…other handle??? Aww…bloody hell, I’m a fucking sugar bowl…” * * * “Anyone who wants to take my porn is gonna have to pry it from my warm, sticky fingers!” * * * ``` *Girl walks up to Borg in a bar* Girl: "Hey, you're kinda cute." Borg: "Appearance is irrelevant." Girl: "Yeah, I know how you feel. It's great to find a guy who isn't shallow. I mean, as long as you're happy, right?" Borg: "Happiness is irrelevant." Girl: "Wow, you're deep! Like, all philosophical!" Borg: "Philosophy is irrelevant." Girl: "Wanna go back to my place and...you know..." Borg: "Sex is....is...um, I mean, yeah let's go." ``` * * * ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2024, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5464 "2024-11-21T15:00:35Z")
I’ve been banned from cruise ships after that little poop deck misunderstanding. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2024, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5465 "2024-11-23T17:07:55Z")
You ok @Prof.Pepperwinkle ? No jokes (or any other posts) for 6 days - that’s unlike you ! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2024, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5466 "2024-11-23T18:11:45Z")
Hmmm…also hoping all is well with the Prof. In the meantime… My professor told me I am failing my ethics class. So I slipped him a $20 bill and said, “_now_ how am I doing?” mmm ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2024, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5467 "2024-11-23T20:07:20Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_89,w_100,c_scale/v200/14ff2994-9f1f-415f-b67e-a7dcd43b33c4) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_89,w_100,c_scale/v200/14ff2994-9f1f-415f-b67e-a7dcd43b33c4) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2024, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5468 "2024-11-23T20:50:03Z")
Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2024, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5469 "2024-11-23T21:52:56Z")
Yeah, I’m home now. I’ve been in the hospital for almost a week. I was recently diagnosed with diabetes and put on medicine I had a strong reaction to. I should be back on the SDMB in a couple of days, when I’ve recuperated a bit. Thanks for the kind concerns! ❤ ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2024, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5470 "2024-11-23T22:28:07Z")
Get well soon Prof. I haven’t been able to make my City of Heroes Hamidon league chat groan from your jokes in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2024, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5471 "2024-11-23T22:45:37Z")
We have to close the curtain between the kitchen and the laundry room, since I keep my cast-iron frying pans in the oven. Even toast will set the alarm off, and it’s not even burnt! > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I was recently diagnosed with diabetes No more treacle tarts for you! Take care. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=272) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=274)