# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 285
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5692 "2025-01-15T01:30:12Z")
That was a good one! I give it a B+ ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5693 "2025-01-15T01:30:57Z")
Not an A? Ouch, that stings. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5694 "2025-01-15T04:12:26Z")
No need to be waspish about it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5695 "2025-01-15T04:22:41Z")
**Why did the bee put on a yarmulke?** It didn’t want to be mistaken for a WASP. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5696 "2025-01-15T04:24:53Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### Ever since these new chipped debit cards came out… > > > > …I’ve never had so many women say “OK, now put it in.” > > and then say… > > “did you put it in?” > > “Hm. Maybe try to put it in again and see if it works” > > “Nope, not registering at all, do you have a different one we can try?” > > “Ok, one last try, but first rub it on your pants, that sometimes helps.” Finally: “sorry, we’re only going to be able to complete this transaction if you have cash”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5697 "2025-01-15T13:50:08Z")
### My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised; she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel. * * * ### The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed. * * * ### Chuck Norris slew 5 people with a sword… Then 20 more without the sheath. * * * ### Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too”. The bartender then gives them two glasses of water because he doesn’t keep freaking Hydrogen Peroxide on the bar counter. * * * ### What does a zebra call his best friends? His zeebros. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5698 "2025-01-15T14:43:27Z")
**‘I’m building a model of Mount Everest’** ‘Is it to scale?’ ‘No, it’s just to look at.’ ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5699 "2025-01-15T15:23:40Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Chuck Norris slew 5 people with a sword… > > Then 20 more without the sheath. This one is over my head. If the 20 more were killed _without_ the sheath they were killed by the sword. That would mean the original five were killed by the sheath, not the sword. I don’t see funny anywhere. Trying to parse it makes it worse. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5700 "2025-01-15T17:16:59Z")
**If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, what would he be most famous for?** Being almost 216 years old. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5701 "2025-01-15T17:25:35Z")
> [@Bayaker](#): > > Trying to parse it makes it worse. I am with you. As an aside, I’ve never understood the appeal of Chuck Norris jokes. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5702 "2025-01-15T17:37:25Z")
> [@Bayaker](#): > > Trying to parse it makes it worse. 🙂 Analyzing humor is like doing an autopsy. If the subject wasn’t dead before you started, they were by the time you’re done. ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5703 "2025-01-15T17:50:08Z")
> [@Bayaker](#): > > This one is over my head. The best I can come up with is that it’s like: He slew 5 people with a sword. Then 20 more that had knives. But, that still isn’t funny, unless I’m missing something. ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5704 "2025-01-15T17:55:29Z")
It’s not really funny, but the idea is clearly just that Chuck is so badass he killed 5 people with an unsheathed sword. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5705 "2025-01-15T17:58:22Z")
Something is missing/wrong from the Chuck Norris joke. Just delete it from memory. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5706 "2025-01-15T18:00:25Z")
I tried, but Chuck won’t let me. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5707 "2025-01-15T18:09:01Z")
> [@colinfred](#): > > It’s not really funny, but the idea is clearly just that Chuck is so badass he killed 5 people with an unsheathed sword. Chuck is so badass that when _ **he** _ told the ‘unsheathed sword’ joke at an open mic night, 5 people died laughing. And that was before the punchline! After the punchline, 20 more people died. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5708 "2025-01-15T18:13:13Z")
> [@colinfred](#): > > It’s not really funny, but the idea is clearly just that Chuck is so badass he killed 5 people with an unsheathed sword. This, basically. Maybe “Chuck Norris killed 20 men with a sword. Then he drew it.” Not much funnier, but shorter. Or “Chuck Norris killed 20 men with a sword, as his spotter confirmed.” “Chuck Norris won a swordfight with a cutting remark.” “Chuck Norris just brings **himself** to a gunfight.” I dunno. I’ll think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5709 "2025-01-15T18:20:13Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Chuck Norris killed 20 men with a sword You don’t want to know what happened when he picked up a pen. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5710 "2025-01-15T20:31:26Z")
You mean because the penis mightier? mmm ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2025, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5711 "2025-01-15T20:45:25Z")
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