# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 288
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2025, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5752 "2025-01-26T16:49:50Z")
It’s brilliant, that is. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2025, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5753 "2025-01-26T16:53:44Z")
### The other day I learned about the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when increased awareness of something causes you to create the illusion of it happening more frequently I’ve been seeing a lot more examples of it lately. * * * ### Why do Buddhists only store their books in drawers? Because they believe the shelf is an illusion. * * * ### How did Neo scare the Tick? He told him there is no Spoon. * * * ### Why does government hate organized crime? They don’t like competition. * * * ### Is there a big difference between male and female anatomy? Yes, there is a vas deferens. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2025, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5754 "2025-01-26T17:19:10Z")
> **[15.8K views. 524 shares. Spotlight by marcusbronzy from January 23, 2025 | A...](https://www.snapchat.com/spotlight/W7_EDlXWTBiXAEEniNoMPwAAYa2JtcWl0b2V4AZSVeAkoAZSVeAiXAAAAAQ?invite_id=0uMqMtL5&locale=en_US&share_id=PtOa_a23RiW2tFT3diesJw&sid=c8c7b30f2f524af3a48285d698be0413)** > > A Punderful funeral - add your pun to the comments ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2025, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5755 "2025-01-26T17:21:25Z")
The same wonderful set of jokes, for those that prefer YouTube: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/HZT956Ozg4g/maxresdefault.jpg "A punderful funeral...") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZT956Ozg4g) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2025, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5756 "2025-01-26T19:03:22Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > This is great, but forgive me for suggesting this may scan and rhyme slightly better with the first line “When a grid’s misaligned”. Agreed. I stole plagiarized borrowed it from elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2025, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5757 "2025-01-26T19:32:07Z")
**When an eel bites your thigh, and you think that you’ll die** That’s a moray. **He’s a cad, he’s a ham, his last name’s Amsterdam** That’s a Morey. **He stole bases for thrills, and his last name is Wills** That’s a Maury. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2025, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5758 "2025-01-26T20:34:01Z")
Just because I like to walk around in my underwear, eating Doritos, does not make me strange. You folks in aisle 4 just need to stop staring. Trump is furious at Budde because, as a Bishop, she can move all over the board on a diagonal. He, as a Russian pawn, can only more one square at a time. [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_92,w_100,c_scale/v200/4e22fa7c-bff7-4060-983b-11e3d45f1151) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_92,w_100,c_scale/v200/4e22fa7c-bff7-4060-983b-11e3d45f1151) ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2025, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5759 "2025-01-27T03:32:27Z")
Well, this girl made the news In a film with Tom Cruise That’s De Mornay. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2025, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5760 "2025-01-27T06:59:38Z")
Good one! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2025, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5761 "2025-01-27T07:53:48Z")
They had sex on a train Not the **Runaway Train** _That’s_ De Mornay! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2025, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5762 "2025-01-27T14:41:32Z")
Thanks! She has quite the C.V. R E B B E C **’ey!** De Mornay! (I welcome someone’s contribution for a bridge.) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2025, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5763 "2025-01-27T14:44:22Z")
### My guilty pleasure is eating superglue. I’m very ashamed of it and will never tell anyone in real life. My lips are sealed. * * * ### Good moms will let you lick the beaters. Great moms will turn them off first. * * * ### Do Tesla drivers listen to AC/DC? Or something more current? * * * ### I say, I say, what do you call a backyard fowl that can multiply? A mathemachicken. * * * ### Did you hear that Elon Musk is opening a place for kids with ADHD? It’s not really a school…more of a concentration camp. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2025, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5764 "2025-01-27T19:49:49Z")
A wise man once told his wife… … nothing as he was a wise man. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2025, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5765 "2025-01-28T18:34:50Z")
### The producer to his wife, an actress: Producer: “Darling, will you marry again if I die?” Wife: “I assume so, dear.” Producer: “Would you sleep in the same bed with him?” Wife: "Yes, he would be my husband after all.” Producer: “Would you give him my golf clubs too?” Wife: “No, he’s left-handed.” * * * ### “Hello, I need to make an insurance claim, a fish have damaged my car.” -“… a fish? We’ll have to inspect the vehicle first. Where is it parked?” -“In the lake.” * * * ### Citizen: What happened to freedom of speech in this country? Dictator: Freedom of speech has always been guaranteed in this country. It is freedom after speech which we can’t guarantee. * * * ### I googled ‘lost medieval servant boy’… The result was ‘This page cannot be found.’ * * * ### What happens when you eat aluminum foil? You sheet metal ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2025, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5766 "2025-01-29T12:50:45Z")
**What kind of soap does President trump use?** Antifacterial. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2025, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5767 "2025-01-29T14:50:26Z")
### What do you call a dead magician? An abracadaver. * * * ### Did you hear about Karl Marx’s grave? It’s a Communist plot. * * * ### Do Teslas have a new car smell? Or just Musk? * * * ### I can melt ice cubes with my mind! Granted, it takes awhile. * * * ### What do you call a lizard that smokes weed? A mariguana. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2025, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5768 "2025-01-29T20:59:14Z")
**A friend wants to develop an invisible plane.** I just can’t see it taking off. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2025, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5769 "2025-01-29T23:20:02Z")
“The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.” * * * “Whatever happened to Wonder Woman’s invisible jet?” “She lost track of it somewhere and it hasn’t been seen since.” ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2025, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5770 "2025-01-30T05:39:08Z")
A flat earther dies and goes to heaven. He shows up before God and asks “So, God, the earth, is it flat, or is it round?” “Round”, God answers. “Man, this conspiracy goes deeper than I thought”, the flat-earther thinks to himself. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2025, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5771 "2025-01-30T14:40:08Z")
### Why did the weather report go to school? To get a few more degrees. * * * ### Why did the woman go outside with her purse open? She expected some change in the weather. * * * ### Why don’t ants get sick? They have anty bodies. * * * ### What sound does a sub-atomic duck make? Quark, quark, quark! * * * ### What’s the police’s favorite gaming console? WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=287) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=289)