# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 290
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5792 "2025-02-04T01:44:20Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Saw a sign over the computer gambling systems that said “Don’t forget to cache out.” You know what a coin is? It’s disk cache. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5793 "2025-02-04T12:19:32Z")
It’s never a good idea to make snow angels at the dog park. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5794 "2025-02-04T16:27:14Z")
A head’s up, not a joke. Madame Pepperwinkle’s going to the hospital for leg care and then Rehab. Not life threatening, but to improve quality of life. I’ll be with her to keep her company, 'cause I’m uxorious. So I won’t be posting here much for the next couple of weeks. Love you all. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5795 "2025-02-04T16:43:58Z")
Good luck to the both of you! hope it goes smoothly, and is entirely successful. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5796 "2025-02-04T16:45:15Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Madame Pepperwinkle’s going to the hospital for leg care and then Rehab. Not life threatening, but to improve quality of life. I’ll be with her to keep her company, 'cause I’m uxorious. Maybe they can treat that too while you’re there. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5797 "2025-02-04T17:04:15Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > A head’s up, not a joke. > Madame Pepperwinkle’s going to the hospital for leg care and then Rehab. Not life threatening, but to improve quality of life. I’ll be with her to keep her company, 'cause I’m uxorious. > > So I won’t be posting here much for the next couple of weeks. Love you all. All the best to both of you, good Prof. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5798 "2025-02-04T17:44:40Z")
Best wishes to both of you! We’ll miss you Prof. P! ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5799 "2025-02-04T17:49:10Z")
“That’s no planet, it’s a moon!” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5800 "2025-02-04T17:51:55Z")
Can’t she kick you with the other leg for a while? 😉 Wish you both well. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5801 "2025-02-04T18:30:30Z")
Hope all goes smoothly and you’re back here in a flash. We appreciated all your efforts here. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5802 "2025-02-04T20:24:08Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Can’t she kick you with the other leg for a while? 😉 Problem is that she _was_ the “one legged woman in an ass-kicking contest”, and now she doesn’t have a leg to stand on! ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5803 "2025-02-05T04:21:05Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I’m uxorious That’s a word I didn’t know I needed in my life Best wishes to your wife for a speedy recovery. Or tell her to get a peg. Peg’s are cool. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5804 "2025-02-05T05:50:14Z")
Time to pitch in with jokes and humor. From late night Hawaii: The Truman is an aircraft carrier. The Yemeni Armed Forces are reporting the sinking of the USS Harry Truman for the fifth time today in the Red Sea during a “nine- hour joint operation using missiles and drones.” Their proof is the below AI-generated image. [![](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GhC3QHUXcAAsTo1?format=png&name=small) ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GhC3QHUXcAAsTo1?format=png&name=small) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5805 "2025-02-05T05:55:18Z")
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp. There are 10 commandments, not 12. There are 12 disciples, not 10. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T” When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me.” The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.” The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub a dub, dub; thanks for the grub, yeah God.” Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5806 "2025-02-05T07:06:10Z")
[https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/fife/ALs6j\_HQULsb\_\_eI6gNM9W2Uw\_MzU17ARWhpKtkp00S36ODgGLx6K1j4IEbcxrtuEqVMp5TBVna3MaXis5uONm4D1Oi8pr2bvOHm6BHM1GkGb75MKpMmc5fy9RRFumbxRZimcBpL49L-5x76\_FkfcUvTUAokxPvN1c5dbVVfz156fWLRlb1BzKZoyPcSUO5HVDf7N6DIA7AJPsPHsgB\_wq\_I8ZgPp4uGLhjg41UsXr0RxGyg9QxTXLYglYw1kBIB30Qkps-\_UBnAUW1eEtdWI8pYJeSGIF1zRcoLMqrCNevupOUCCRehUqS-l2PW2ttw4QHXjRlW0Cl28KVUy1GLa\_hA5kpaVyxlNrpfEKKiDU6Ddia8TIfdn5VmldALHuZgFKdEOzSoN6GWX7MLnFeAwaaByXmSQK9FhrcoQ6QvP5l1HSGRCE5\_HlyZi\_2Nd9Ojj1F45g85DWCjMupbZo9ZyYZuE1XRWdy3\_5WnAag2uSfk4-9ncse2J\_iHWF2T5T8YD6vWBBcQEE\_uCKOyHCZshhGLHGLK-Xe6S4oSNtGPj269HmzLZnJs0UFW-gBXTLDS2j1P1jzU9UiHCxcJRphh9\_3r\_Nn7jDEZcszPVsckyKWevD\_0H382K9Q-a0Cpo\_mv4Azqrg6ORo93OLUUcoPYdvKtJUUYeWubJi-xUF1fb\_GEmn0mLfszSXieVcVMVMng5kN5sXZjMOWD7EbFqf-n-2L6NbtruGb0eAomZOl\_iQGZ9jGNW\_SDrgsPi7bpiIXbQdBQHofDf3hD4qFBa5dkDSyEKmiYtu5G039eWGG3TvR22nS2umYc1-SqYl5rtadiubI-GoiRfBPWvK\_HrnCWPP-G5fy5agbAaM6I9hc69bXAoPLmZfGv4BalOdKtxxktp3jGkrwk8k4E2nMVWQF0ibrBIrk0u0to67N0tV-EX-rsQ05TwqBCv-ffVcdcjySekXsD5lbHITUIiB5J5nO0IJVKME37IqJXd2K9wLGgx01em4izpFq3p9yaGDGqBHSGz6f9VDy5DdPMf6ROM3mpnDvIkaQ5mNlkUinJJEJLUNzfkrp2jiN31OyY2yGnC9Cf6qi7aTnXQw5UjWHNvbc24aHXC3YwNAeZLyxYtBgTILwLOauxuvCuOVE\_Gw5vYqKSk8paOFe7SIluXMFKDenaKWzlo7GsRM9GS3\_33dG4WGZwidMsX9s-QgFOX7rVbHbi66ZoQO-0yZ6L9AR5tIpEHQyCTncybNDF4Qaf4Dqzpp61MTaEyFsV58IKBm-2cICeFi9rwQP2dCBiBq0W=s300-w300-h288-n-k?authuser=0&hl=en-US](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/fife/ALs6j_HQULsb__eI6gNM9W2Uw_MzU17ARWhpKtkp00S36ODgGLx6K1j4IEbcxrtuEqVMp5TBVna3MaXis5uONm4D1Oi8pr2bvOHm6BHM1GkGb75MKpMmc5fy9RRFumbxRZimcBpL49L-5x76_FkfcUvTUAokxPvN1c5dbVVfz156fWLRlb1BzKZoyPcSUO5HVDf7N6DIA7AJPsPHsgB_wq_I8ZgPp4uGLhjg41UsXr0RxGyg9QxTXLYglYw1kBIB30Qkps-_UBnAUW1eEtdWI8pYJeSGIF1zRcoLMqrCNevupOUCCRehUqS-l2PW2ttw4QHXjRlW0Cl28KVUy1GLa_hA5kpaVyxlNrpfEKKiDU6Ddia8TIfdn5VmldALHuZgFKdEOzSoN6GWX7MLnFeAwaaByXmSQK9FhrcoQ6QvP5l1HSGRCE5_HlyZi_2Nd9Ojj1F45g85DWCjMupbZo9ZyYZuE1XRWdy3_5WnAag2uSfk4-9ncse2J_iHWF2T5T8YD6vWBBcQEE_uCKOyHCZshhGLHGLK-Xe6S4oSNtGPj269HmzLZnJs0UFW-gBXTLDS2j1P1jzU9UiHCxcJRphh9_3r_Nn7jDEZcszPVsckyKWevD_0H382K9Q-a0Cpo_mv4Azqrg6ORo93OLUUcoPYdvKtJUUYeWubJi-xUF1fb_GEmn0mLfszSXieVcVMVMng5kN5sXZjMOWD7EbFqf-n-2L6NbtruGb0eAomZOl_iQGZ9jGNW_SDrgsPi7bpiIXbQdBQHofDf3hD4qFBa5dkDSyEKmiYtu5G039eWGG3TvR22nS2umYc1-SqYl5rtadiubI-GoiRfBPWvK_HrnCWPP-G5fy5agbAaM6I9hc69bXAoPLmZfGv4BalOdKtxxktp3jGkrwk8k4E2nMVWQF0ibrBIrk0u0to67N0tV-EX-rsQ05TwqBCv-ffVcdcjySekXsD5lbHITUIiB5J5nO0IJVKME37IqJXd2K9wLGgx01em4izpFq3p9yaGDGqBHSGz6f9VDy5DdPMf6ROM3mpnDvIkaQ5mNlkUinJJEJLUNzfkrp2jiN31OyY2yGnC9Cf6qi7aTnXQw5UjWHNvbc24aHXC3YwNAeZLyxYtBgTILwLOauxuvCuOVE_Gw5vYqKSk8paOFe7SIluXMFKDenaKWzlo7GsRM9GS3_33dG4WGZwidMsX9s-QgFOX7rVbHbi66ZoQO-0yZ6L9AR5tIpEHQyCTncybNDF4Qaf4Dqzpp61MTaEyFsV58IKBm-2cICeFi9rwQP2dCBiBq0W=s300-w300-h288-n-k?authuser=0&hl=en-US) ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5807 "2025-02-05T14:51:01Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > The Yemeni Armed Forces are reporting the sinking of the USS Harry Truman for the fifth time today in the Red Sea during a “nine- hour joint operation using missiles and drones.” Their proof is the below AI-generated image. They blew it into a battleship! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5808 "2025-02-05T18:20:22Z")
Sorry about the wall of text thing above. Posting from my phone is always an adventure. In real life, it resolves to a mother kangaroo with baby in her pouch pulling a cowboy’s pants forward and looking in. The text is, “Looks like your baby has died.” Funnier as a picture. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5809 "2025-02-05T22:34:12Z")
Which fruit is the most fun? Ki-weeeee! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2025, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5810 "2025-02-06T13:06:17Z")
This is hysterical! I would attend this church. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2025, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5811 "2025-02-06T13:16:56Z")
Job interviewer: What’s your greatest weakness? Me: Honesty. Interviewer: I don’t think honesty is a weakness. Me: I don’t give a shit what you think. Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening. Interviewer: Do you have any experience? Me: Yes, this is my 45th interview. Interviewer: How well do you perform under pressure? Me: Not bad, but I’m much better at “We Will Rock You” Interviewer: Tell me about a time where you’ve wrongly taken the initiative. Me: Hey, I’m the one asking questions here! Interviewer: I see there is a five-year gap on your resume. Can you account for that? Me: Yes, that’s when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Impressive! You’re hired. Me: Thanks, I really needed this yob! Interviewer, handing me a laptop: I want you to sell this to me. I take the laptop and leave the office. Interviewer, on the phone: Bring that back! Me: That’ll be $300. Interviewer: It says here you’re fluent in Spanish. Me: Oui. Interviewer: That’s French. Me: Cool, I’ll add that to my resume. Interviewer: What’s your name? Me: Phillip Pissglass Sockhumper Jones. Interviewer: Do you suffer from Tourette syndrome, Phillip? Me: No, but Mom did. Interviewer: It says here you are quick with math. What is 17 x 9? Me: 36 Interviewer: That’s not even close! Me: No, but it was quick! Interviewer: You’re hired. Your salary is $12 an hour and increased to $15 an hour in three months. When can you start? Me: In three months. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=289) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=291)