# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 30
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2021, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/591 "2021-08-17T13:28:36Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > How about the glassblower who came down with the hiccups? He turned out 1000 percolator caps before they stopped. A lot of today’s folks would have no idea what that meant. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2021, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/592 "2021-08-17T20:32:50Z")
### An atheist goes to heaven Baffled and full of questions he is being shown around by God. “Why am I here? I am an atheist.” “That does not matter, all good people end up here.” As they pass by a gay couple kissing the atheist wonders “Isn’t that a sin?” “That does not matter, all good people end up here.” They come by a Buddhist Monk, silently meditating. "Wait, so you even take in people who believe in other religions? “That does not matter, all good people end up here.” Surprised, but intrigued the atheist looks around - when one last question comes to his mind “But where are all the Christians?” “Well… all _ **good** _ people end up here.” * * * ### Never accept tea offered by the Russian President You don´t know what Vladimir Putin. * * * ### While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is. Me: “Hmmm that’s a tough one. I think I’d have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street.” Friend: “What!? He doesn’t count.” Me: “Oh I assure you, he does.” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/593 "2021-08-18T02:06:44Z")
> [@GaryM](#): > > lot of today’s folks would have no idea what that meant. I had to Google it. Laughed as soon as I saw a picture. * * * Here’s a groaner: Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s two tired. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/594 "2021-08-18T03:56:22Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### ever accept tea offered by the Russian President > > You don´t know what Vladimir Putin. That reminds me of an SNL bit, where they claimed that it wasn’t Yuri Andropov, it was Yuri S. Andropov. What does the S stand for? Shrivelop. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/595 "2021-08-18T20:48:53Z")
### Viruses mutate over time, take Covid for example… It started as a pandemic, and now it’s become an IQ test. * * * ### Male bees die after mating. That’s basically their entire lives. Honey. Nut. Cheerio. * * * ### What is the most common lie ever? “I have read and agree to the terms of use” ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/596 "2021-08-18T20:53:41Z")
That new Jewish brand of cat food: Fancy-Schmancy Feast. ---
**Author:** ![Mom-of-Andrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@Mom-of-Andrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mom-of-Andrew)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/597 "2021-08-18T21:24:15Z")
Me, standing next to a wheelbarrow full of barbecue sauce, “Look, no one is saying the zoo fire isn’t a tragedy” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/598 "2021-08-19T02:11:54Z")
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all walk into a bar… The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/599 "2021-08-19T02:57:59Z")
I hope you copied that from somewhere! ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/600 "2021-08-19T08:55:41Z")
Are dumb blonde jokes okay? So a dumb blonde walks into a modeling agency. And she asks the old lady at the front desk if she can use the restroom. It’s right over there, the old lady tells her. So she uses it, to go number two. (Did I mention that the door is broken? So the old lady sees everything she is doing.) Then she stands up and flushes the toilet. And it overflows. Bewildered, she picks up her purse and leans over, and some change from her purse falls into the toilet. Now she looks even more bewildered. Finally she takes a twenty dollar bill, and throws it into the toilet. Moments later, she’s back at the front desk with the old lady. The old says, I couldn’t help but notice. Why did you throw that twenty dollar bill into the overflowed toilet? ‘Well,’ the dumb blonde chuckles, ‘You know I certainly wasn’t going to stick my hand in there for no 38 cents.’ Now, that joke was innocent. If blonde jokes are a _faux pas_, insert whatever other person you want in it. (It’s a dumb blonde joke now, But interestingly it started as a dumb jock joke. I thought dumb blonde would be more politically correct 🙂 .) ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/601 "2021-08-19T11:22:38Z")
I don’t think the joke needed a ‘dumb’ anything - it works with almost any body (and a stereotypical cheap person might be better). ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/602 "2021-08-19T11:29:04Z")
I remember John Madden told that same joke about one of his players on SNL, back in 1982. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/603 "2021-08-19T11:38:36Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > (It’s a dumb blonde joke now, But interestingly it started as a dumb jock joke. I thought dumb blonde would be more politically correct 🙂 .) No, no; what would be politically correct would be this: “A dumb person of an indeterminate gender, racial, cultural or ethnic background walks into a modeling agency …” ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/604 "2021-08-19T11:41:10Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > A dumb person On further consideration: Einstein, and the the punch line is “I’m not dumb enough to reach in there for 38 cents”. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/605 "2021-08-19T11:43:13Z")
But “dumb” is still used for aphasia (inability to speak). [Denver Dumb Friends League.](https://www.coloradogives.org/ddfl/overview) ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/606 "2021-08-19T11:48:27Z")
Yeah, but I bet no one ever introduces them as, “Oh, these are my dumb friends.” 😈 ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/607 "2021-08-19T12:01:00Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > But interestingly it started as a dumb jock joke. I thought dumb blonde would be more politically correct what the even ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/608 "2021-08-19T16:30:36Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > Yeah, but I bet no one ever introduces them as, “Oh, these are my dumb friends.” 😈 While not, strictly speaking, a post containing a joke (setup, punchline) I cannot tell a lie - this made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/609 "2021-08-19T17:32:37Z")
Two local yokels worked at a service station out in the sticks. One comes upon the other one day up to his shoulder in the one-holer out back of the shop. “What on earth are you doing, Jed?” “I dropped my jacket in the outhouse.” “Well just leave it, you’ll never be able to wear that jacket again!” “I know, but my lunch is in the left pocket!” ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/610 "2021-08-19T20:54:31Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > I hope you copied that from somewhere! Probably. I know I’m going to … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=29) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=31)