# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 301
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2025, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6012 "2025-03-27T20:08:56Z")
**There’s this guy, y’see. He takes a trip to Europe.** It’s his first vacation in a long time. He sees the sights, you know? He has a real good time. Anyway, after a while he decides to call home. He gets his brother on the phone, and the guy says to his brother, ‘How’s everything at home?’ And his brother says, ‘Your cat died.’ And the guy says to his brother, ‘You shouldn’t tell me bad news like that! You should break it to me gently! You should say something, you know, like “The cat crawled out on the roof, chasing a squirrel, and it got stuck. We had to call the Fire Department. And when they finally got there, the firemen crawled up and grabbed the cat. But on the way down, he slipped and the cat fell to the ground. They had to take the cat to the vet. Sorry to say they had to operate on the cat. But it was too late. They couldn’t save the cat.” That’s how you should break bad news like that.’ So the guy says to his brother, ‘How’s mom?’ And his brother says, ‘She was on the roof…’ [Transcribed from a scene in _Capricorn One_] ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6013 "2025-03-28T04:07:36Z")
“In Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.” “Did that make him the Centaur for Disease Control?” * * * Dragon: “No no no, what kind of savage _are_ you? You don’t _eat_ Princesses, you put them on your hoard for awhile and then let them go after a couple of weeks so that they can mature into Queens and make new Princesses. _Honestly_. This is basic sustainable free-range Princess farming 101 level theory.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6014 "2025-03-28T15:27:14Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > \*\*… > He gets his brother on the phone, and the guy says to his brother, ‘How’s everything at home?’ > And his brother says, ‘Your cat died.’… #979 by Burpo the Wonder Mutt. There’s 6000+ jokes now. Just when one comes to mind - it’s been done too. 🙃 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6015 "2025-03-28T15:42:28Z")
“OK,” says the new guy, “I’ll try it. #173.” “You didn’t tell it right.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6016 "2025-03-28T15:46:24Z")
[bookstore] “I’m looking for some books on the science of plants.” “Botany?” “No, that’s why I’m here.” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6017 "2025-03-28T15:50:10Z")
[![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/jx9xIcN.jpeg "imgur.com") ](https://imgur.com/jx9xIcN) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6018 "2025-03-28T17:31:33Z")
As I age, I’ve become quite the aficionado of BMs (bowel movements). Examining them with some interest; they run the gamut of ‘nice shape and color’, ‘easy in and out’, ‘clean finish’ to the more troubling, ‘What on earth did I eat yesterday’ and ‘Oh my God - an organ has dissolved’. My wife doesn’t quite share my enthusiasm. Her comment: Did you spray (air freshener) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6019 "2025-03-28T17:42:35Z")
Proof that everyone looks at their poo. ‘Corn.’ ---
**Author:** ![SailorHG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SailorHG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SailorHG)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6020 "2025-03-28T17:43:44Z")
You may perchance find this a useful reference, versions of which have been floating (pun intended) around the internet since (at least) the 90’s: [The Shit List](http://individual.utoronto.ca/novak/sitearchive/2001/shitlist.html) ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6021 "2025-03-28T20:28:30Z")
> [@SailorHG](#): > > The Shit List It says “Bad Gateway”. Did you mean the [Bristol Scale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_stool_scale)? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6022 "2025-03-28T20:34:20Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > It says “Bad Gateway”. Sounds like a euphemism for constipation. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6023 "2025-03-28T22:21:01Z")
Appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![SailorHG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SailorHG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SailorHG)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2025, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6024 "2025-03-29T14:53:37Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > It says “Bad Gateway”. Maybe it’s a security issue? The site is so old that it’s still “http” rather than “https”. Here’s another version that’s good (but not nearly as complete) on an https server: [Another Shit List](https://funnyshit.com.au/shitlist.htm) > [@Yllaria](#): > > the [Bristol Scale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_stool_scale) Never seen that before… pretty funny, though! I especially like “Sausage-shaped, but lumpy”. 😂 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2025, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6025 "2025-03-29T15:43:17Z")
[I’ve got a fairly bad cold. I’ll be back when I get over it.] ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2025, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6026 "2025-03-29T16:15:29Z")
Get Well Soon! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2025, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6027 "2025-03-29T16:26:53Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_94,w_100,c_scale/v200/b3f90e7b-acf0-4796-9424-225d90b0424d) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_94,w_100,c_scale/v200/b3f90e7b-acf0-4796-9424-225d90b0424d) Pitching in! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2025, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6028 "2025-03-29T16:29:05Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_77,w_100,c_scale/v200/892b7132-3bac-4736-8381-b9f27439a815) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_77,w_100,c_scale/v200/892b7132-3bac-4736-8381-b9f27439a815) ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2025, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6029 "2025-03-29T18:07:04Z")
I just tried that … and it’s up to 3rd ! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2025, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6030 "2025-03-30T09:35:37Z")
“Why is there no evidence that aliens kidnapped the founder of Communism?” “They left no Marx.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2025, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6031 "2025-03-31T01:19:51Z")
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